Secret Desires (Roughshod Rollers MC 4)

“Oh.” I frown. “But I can’t have something like that with Polly. We’re not together anymore, and we’re never going to be together again. I don’t trust her at all. I’m furious at her, and the excuses she gave me for her actions… They made sense, a little, but it all just made me feel even worse about everything. I wish she would just leave us alone.”

“That’s probably normal,” Grant points out. “When I saw Jessica for the first time, I wanted her to just leave me alone. I would have happily pretended she didn’t exist if I hadn’t found out about Owen. Having a child with her dragged us back together, until I realized that I really couldn’t live without her in my life.” He snorts. “I don’t think you’re going to go through the same thing with Polly, though. As you said, she’s married, and ten years is a lot longer than three.”

“Yeah,” I say softly.

“For what it’s worth, I think it takes a lot of fucking strength to do what you’re doing,” Grant adds. “You’re putting up with the woman that ripped your life apart and left you with all the responsibility, just so your daughter can know her mother. Polly doesn’t deserve what you’re doing for her.”

“But Lily does,” I counter. “Fuck, Grant…I’d give Lily the world if could. Dealing with Polly is small compared to what Lily deserves from me.”

“That’s why you’re a stronger person than me,” Grant laughs. “I almost told Jessica to fuck off, and that I’d have as little contact as possible with her in order to see Owen. You’re meeting with Polly, and now even going out with the two of them just to make sure your daughter is happy. She’s a lucky girl. I hope I can be even half the father to Owen that you are to Lily.”

I swallow the lump in my throat. Is that the way my friends see me? I cough, trying to blink away the burning sensation in my eyes.

“Thanks, man,” I say roughly.

“It’s the truth,” Grant says cheerfully. “Look, I’d better go, I’m heading over the clubhouse now. Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

“I will,” I assure him.

“Good. Good luck.”

“Thanks,” I say, and hang up.

I’m not sure that talking to Grant answered any of my questions. I’m still unsure that this is going to work, and still very ready to tell Polly to get out of our lives. But I’m doing this all for Lily, so it has to be worth it.

My phone vibrates again and I look down. It’s another message from Georgia.

“Want me to come?”

I really have the best fucking friends in the world. I smile at the message. I’m really tempted to say ‘yes’, but I’m not going to rock the boat today. I’ve already shown myself that I can handle Polly, and today is all about Lily, not my issues with my ex-wife. Bringing Georgia along will just cause problems that I don’t need.

“No, but thanks.”

Georgia replies instantly.

“I’ll be on standby anyway ;)”

I laugh out loud and finally rouse myself enough to slip out from under my bed covers. I can hear Lily rummaging around in her room already, likely too excited to stay in bed this morning. It’s time to face the music.

I get dressed and shuffle out of my room. As I head to the kitchen, Lily’s door bangs open.

“Dad, I can’t find my pink dress!” she cries.

“Didn’t we wash that on Thursday?” I ask. “It might be on the washing line.”

“But that’ll mean it’s still wet from the night air!” Lily says, horrified. “I wanted to wear it!”

“Lils, it’s only eight,” I point out. “We’re not meeting your mom until two. There’s plenty of time for it to dry. We’ll go check on it at lunchtime, okay?”

Lily pouts and then sighs.

“Fine,” she says. “Can you braid my hair? Lucy was really jealous when she saw the braid you did for me on Wednesday! She said her dad can’t even do ponytails.”

“What can I say, I’m just talented,” I reply, amused.

I’m definitely not going to tell her about the hours of practice I put in on her dolls when she was younger. Since she was only five at the time, she’s likely too young to remember me sitting on the floor with her, painstakingly doing the hair of each of her dolls and slowly getting better each time.

“Do you think Mom can do braids?” Lily asks, curiously.