“Fair enough,” she says. “That kid of Ethan’s can be really fucking persuasive.”
I grin at Hayley’s coarse words. She can swear all she wants, but we all know that she’s got a real sweet side for both Lily and Owen.
I met Hayley when Allison took us both to meet Jessica, who, at the time, was still muddling around in her renewed relationship with Ethan. Oddly, it was Hayley and I that came out of that as really good friends; the two of us had been outsiders in a situation that we had been dragged into, and that small connection had gotten us talking.
Hayley is unlike many of my other friends. She’s very rough and quite rude. Underneath all that, however, she has a heart of gold, and she’s really good with the kids. She also fits in very well with Ethan’s Roughshod Rollers crowd. If she decided to learn to ride a motorbike, then I don’t doubt that she’d be wearing their jacket within the week.
I didn’t invite Hayley out today because I wanted to hang out, however. As much as I enjoy Hayley’s company, what I need from her is advice. I still remember the advice that she gave Jessica ages ago, advice that helped Jessica and Grant finally begin talking about their relationship. Her valuable input as a psychologist had been just what Jessica had needed to turn the tables.
Now, I need some of that advice. I just don’t know what to do, and I need someone to give me direction.
“Anyway, before Lily called, you were telling me about the argument?” Hayley prompts.
“There’s not much to say,” I say gloomily. “It wasn’t even an argument, just me telling Ethan what I thought. None of it nice, either.”
“Frankly, I’m surprised it took you this long,” Hayley comments. She rolls her eyes at my incredulous look. “Come on; this guy has kept you on a leash for over ten years, right? I’d be mad, too.”
“He didn’t keep me on a leash!” I snap, upset on Ethan’s behalf. “I chose to stay and help him, and he’s really done his best not to take advantage of that!”
Hayley picked up her coffee and sipped it calmly.
“Well, you can’t be that upset if you’re defending him,” she says.
I blink. Right, my knee-jerk reaction had been to protect Ethan, even if I’m still mad at him. I don’t know if that’s a sign of just how much I love him, or a sign that I really need to pull myself away.
“I don’t know,” Hayley shrugs when I say this. “It could be either. What do you think?”
“I have no idea,” I say, beginning to feel frustrated. “Which is why I’m asking you about it.”
“I’m not the one who has to make decisions, here,” Hayley points out. “How would you feel if I told you, right now, that you can use this argument to your advantage. You can just cut Ethan out, never talk to him again, and walk away, because you’re mad at him.”
“I can’t do that!” I protest immediately, horrified.
Hayley smiles smugly.
“And there’s some of your true feelings,” she says. “You’re mad at him, but it won’t be long before you start talking to him again, because you can’t bear it for long.”
I look down at the table. She isn’t wrong. But that just makes me feel worse.
“That’s…” I trail off, trying to collect my thoughts. “I was just so angry at Ethan. I am angry at him. I mean, I get what he was trying to say. But why did he even bother? Why couldn’t we have just forgotten about it?”
“Did you forget about it?” Hayley asks.
“For the most part,” I groaned. “I knew it didn’t mean anything. I knew we had just been stupid and that he was drunk and I was just an idiot who can’t resist him. So I put it out of my mind. I’d barely even thought about it until he brought it up yesterday!”
“Hmm.” Hayley smiled slightly. “But he was the one who brought it up, right?”
“Yes,” I say, my brow furrowed.
“That means it was something that’s been playing on his mind all week, probably,” Hayley says with a sly smile. “You managed to put it behind you. But he’s been thinking about it. What does that tell you?”
“That he needs to stop stressing about worthless things,” I groan. “We already talked about it! We already agreed to pretend it never happened!”
“And you managed to do that,” Hayley says. She looks intrigued. “And he didn’t.”
I eye her. I wonder if she’s doing a psychology thing again, reading something into Ethan’s actions that I can’t really see. I find myself leaning forward, wanting to know what was going through her mind.
“So, what does it mean?” I ask slowly.