Secret Desires (Roughshod Rollers MC 4)

“Yeah…I don’t even know how many people Polly told about me apparently abusing her, so she could have several witnesses against my character,” I say gloomily. “The only person I have left from back then is Georgia. I don’t think she’ll be enough.”

“Well, you can prove that you’ve never raised a hand against Lily,” Kyle points out. “Lily loves you and she would tell them you never hurt her. So they can’t accuse you of child abuse, at least.”

“I’d prefer to resolve this before Lily gets involved,” I groan. “I don’t want her to know about this. She would be devastated.” I hesitate. “And, if the worst case does happen, and she has to go with Polly…I don’t want her to resent living with her mom. I don’t want her to be angry and bitter. It wouldn’t be fair.”

“She’ll work it out if she’s removed from you,” Kyle says quietly. “Lily isn’t stupid. Her mom comes back, and then she’s being forced to live with her? She can put two and two together.”

“You do still have one major thing in your favor, anyway,” Grant says. “Polly’s abandonment. She’s going to claim that she was frightened, which is why it took so long to approach you, but that means she didn’t show any care for her daughter, who she thought she left with an abusive father. And the papers will show she lied about your mom taking custody of Lily; it’s easy to prove that your mom never even attempted to file for custody. That’s going to be a point against her, especially when you prove you’ve never harmed Lily.”

“That’s one point,” I say weakly. “It’s a big one, but all Polly’s points are big. She’s going to use my finances against me, too. And…” I hesitate. “She’s going to use the Roughshod Rollers against me.”

Kyle and Grant both go quiet. We tend to get a bad rep for being part of a motorbike club. People sneer at us being part of a gang, and the looks we get when we wear our jackets range from fear to disgust.

“You weren’t part of the Roughshod Rollers ten years ago,” Kyle points out. “We didn’t even know you back then.”

“No, but I was part of another group,” I say, frowning. “Not a formal group, like ours; we didn’t have a name or a symbol. We were just fucking around. We’d get on our bikes and ride around the streets. It was fun.” My shoulders slump. “Right until two dickheads, Ben and Manny, decided to break into a jewelry store one night and rob them. They went to jail for that. Then, a month later, Rob went to jail too, for murder. The rest of us broke up after that, none of us wanting to be involved, but I told Polly about it. So she knows that I used to hang around with two robbers and a murderer.”

“Well, shit,” Kyle says.

I groan.

“It’s almost enough to make me wish I’d never learned to ride,” I mutter.

For me, a motorbike was freedom. When I get on my bike and ride around on it, it feels like I’m flying. I can forget all my problems. When Lily was younger, and I was so overwhelmed that I could barely think, I would have Georgia come around and look after her so I could go for a ten-minute ride just to center myself.

But it seems that even having a motorbike is more trouble than it’s worth. My bike is not worth Lily.

“Why don’t we have Alex investigate?” Grant asks, grimacing. “He’s really good at dragging out information people want to leave hidden.”

I shoot him a quick glance. Alex Howard is a private detective who joined us a few years ago. It’s thanks to him that we still have a clubhouse after a councilor attempted to take it from us when the previous owner, who had gifted it to us, passed away. He managed to strike a deal with the council so that we would be able to rent it at a diminished rate as long as we fixed it up.

Alex, unfortunately, was also the unwitting accomplice to Jessica when she looked into Grant’s past, leading to their break-up and her three-year disappearance. I thought the two of them had made up, because it really hadn’t been Alex’s fault, but there’s a slightly bitter note in Grant’s voice.

“Yeah,” I say. “But I don’t think even he can drag this out. We’re not just up against anyone. Warrick Sanders is a councilor. I don’t want Alex to get in trouble because he’s trying to help me.”

“Yeah, it’s not good to go up against a guy that powerful,” Kyle frowns.

“Which is what makes this so terrifying,” I murmur. “Polly has her husband’s backing and, from what I overheard, he knows the truth, too.”

“So why the fuck are they even doing this?” Kyle demands.

I wish I knew the answer to that. It’s the one thin

g that doesn’t make sense. Polly didn’t want Lily when she was born. So why has she shown up, ten years later, asking to be part of Lily’s life while she quietly tries to take custody of her in the background?

It doesn’t make sense.

Then again, as Georgia said, people can change a lot in ten years.

“I don’t know,” I say. I run a hand through my hair. “Between this and arguing with Georgia, I’m really lost.”

I see Kyle and Grant exchange knowing looks. I scowl at them.

“Out with it,” I demand. “What are the two of you thinking right now?”

“You really want to know that?” Grant asks, raising an eyebrow.

Something in my stomach tightens. I look between them and nod warily.