“You’re a fucking idiot,” Kyle says bluntly, and I gape at him.
“Seconded,” Grant snorts. “Come on, Ethan, you said you haven’t been able to get Georgia out of your head all week. What does that tell you?”
“More than I want it to,” I mutter.
“So you have realized,” Kyle asks. “What’s stopping you, then?”
“It’s not that easy,” I snap. “Give me a break, guys. I don’t even know what’s going on, and it’s Georgia, you know?” I look at them helplessly. “I can’t fall in love with her.”
There, it’s out. As much as I don’t want to admit it, I want to touch Georgia again. I’ve spent all week thinking and dreaming about it. I want to kiss her and tell her how beautiful she is…and, fuck, I love her. But don’t I only love her as a friend? It’s all very confusing.
But, one thing is clear… My feelings for Georgia are not as platonic as I thought they were, and having sex with her has opened a floodgate.
If it was anyone else, I would ignore it. But it’s Georgia, who has been by my side for years. How long have I felt this way and just pretended otherwise?
Maybe I really am an idiot.
I groan and slump over the bar counter.
“Everything sucks,” I mutter. “I’m just going to ignore it all tonight. I’ll deal with it tomorrow.”
And, hopefully, I could come up with a way to fix my problem. Somehow, I need to get Polly off my back…and deal with whatever is going on with my strange feelings for Georgia.
Chapter Eighteen
Georgia
My head is spinning after my conversation with Hayley. Could it be true? Does Ethan have feelings for me?
I don’t know. I’m scared to find out. But, at the same time, I really need to know.
Before I know it, I find myself pulling into Ethan’s driveway. I sit in the car for a long moment. My heart is beating very fast. Part of me is screaming that I’m an idiot and that I need to stop now. If I don’t, I’ll open something that I can never shut again.
“Are you really going to leave without telling him how you feel, even if it doesn’t go the way you want?”
I’ve never considered, even once, telling Ethan how I feel. He met Polly when I was fifteen, around the time I started to realize that I had more than sisterly feelings for him, and then he married her. After, he wasn’t in any type of way to consider another relationship, and then he had to concentrate on raising Lily.
Maybe I’m just making excuses, but there never seemed to be a good enough time to tell him about my feelings. As time went on, I just decided, at some point, to take that secret to my grave. What was the point in telling him I loved him when I was just going to get rejected?
But…
Hayley’s words opened a possibility to me, of me leaving Ethan behind and going to live in the city, never having told him how I felt. The regret I would feel, I suddenly know, would be enormous. I waited patiently by his side for over ten years, and we had been as thick as thieves in the years before that, too. I’ve known Ethan for over twenty years now. He’s my best friend.
Don’t I owe it to myself to get the words out at least once?
So, here I am, sitting in my car and trying to work up the courage to tell Ethan what I’ve hidden from him for so long. I wonder how he’ll take it. One thing I know for sure is that, regardless of whether he responds to my feelings or not, it won’t break us. I won’t let it.
Maybe, instead, it will finally give me the push I need to move on. I’ve wallowed too long in unsaid and unrequited feelings. Getting rejected will feel terrible, but it will also free me so that I can take this new job and live my life.
That’s what I need.
I inhale deeply and head to the front door. I open the door carefully; there aren’t many lights on. Lily is likely already in bed, and I don’t want to wake her up. Slowly, I creep through the house, heading to the kitchen when I hear the sound of the tap running.
To my surprise, however, it is Allison instead of Ethan standing at the sink.
“Georgia?” Allison asks, startled at my appearance. “What are you doing here?”
“I could ask the same,” I say, blinking. “Where’s Ethan?”