Secret Desires (Roughshod Rollers MC 4)

“Huh?” he manages.

I pat his hand.

“I’m…well, furious that you tried to control my life like that,” I admit. “But sort of flattered that you thought you were doing what was best for me. It’s kind of sweet, in a way, though I would have preferred that you didn’t break my heart while trying to do right by me. But, yeah, it was all meaningless; I refused the job.”

“What?” Ethan gasps. “Why? A job like that is an amazing opportunity! Ever since you were at college, you’ve talked about being a national journalist!”

“Dreams change, Ethan,” I say gently. “There will be other opportunities, and, in refusing this one, I actually got a better one.” I smile at his stunned expression as he struggles to realize that everything he’s done this week was pointless. “I mean, there was a moment where I did accept the job, so you weren’t completely wrong.”

I think back to that. Rashly, I had sent my boss a message, accepting the job, my heart broken and wanting to just leave Philadelphia to get away from it all. But then, on Friday, I woke up knowing that I’d done the wrong thing.

I didn’t want to leave. I love living here, I love the people here, and I love my job. Going to the main office might mean a little extra money and credit, but it wouldn’t be worth it if I couldn’t be happy. I really looked at what this job would offer me, and I decided that a very small raise and meeting a few extra people for more prestige wasn’t worth losing everything I loved. When I went into work the next morning, I apologized to my boss, and told him that I couldn’t take the job after all. He was very understanding, and I think he was pleased that I was choosing to stay with them.

So pleased, in fact, that he made me another offer at the end of the day.

“I got a promotion,” I say to Ethan. “I’m now a senior reporter, and, from next week, I’ll be managing my own team. It also means I’ll be traveling to other officers and meeting lots of new people.” I grin. “In the end, staying at my office is going to give me way more opportunities than moving to the main office.”

“What the fuck?” Ethan breathes. “So…everything, it was all…?”

“Yeah, sorry,” I say, shrugging. “You probably should have talked to me before you organized a farewell party for me.” A thought suddenly occurs to me and I look at him sharply. “You didn’t tell Lily, did you?”

“Not yet; she just thought we were having a party,” Ethan says, his lips twitching. “Which, as it turns out, is a good thing.”

“Yeah,” I laugh. “Anyway, that’s that. I’ll be staying in Philadelphia, and I’ll get to travel across the country every now and then. I might even get to go overseas! I think I’ve gotten the best deal, here.” I give him a side glance. “On top of that, if someone wants to stop being such a damn idiot, I might also have a new boyfriend?”

Ethan gazes at me. Then he breaks into helpless laughter.

“I really am an idiot, aren’t I?” he asks rhetorically. “I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions. When I found out about the job, it just felt like you were putting your life on hold again for us.”

“Again?” I ask, curious.

“It’s obvious, Georgia,” Ethan says, smiling slightly at me. “For ten years, you’ve been by my side, helping me with Lily, no questions asked. For some time I’ve felt like I’m taking advantage of your kindness, and that you’re not living your own life because you’re too busy helping me with mine. I felt like this even before we slept together and everything got so confusing.” He shakes his head. “It made me feel like such a fucking bastard. And then learning that you were putting off this amazing opportunity because you were helping me with Polly? That hurt.”

“Not that I helped you much with Polly,” I point out. “You barely told me anything.”

“Well…I thought you had enough to think about,” Ethan admitted. He pauses. “Though, it turned out my paranoia was right.”

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nbsp; “What?” I ask, startled. “What do you mean by that?” I feel indignation rise. “What did she do?”

“What did she almost do, you mean,” Ethan corrected. He smiled, smug lines all over his face. “I stopped her, with Alex’s help. I overheard a conversation when she was speaking to her husband. To cut a long story short, she was making a bid for custody of Lily, and she was doing it behind my back. She even had statements from her fucking family, who believed her lies when she left me.”

“Are you serious?” I gape. “What the fuck, Ethan? How could you not tell me about this?”

“Every time I went to tell you, it felt like a bad time,” Ethan says wryly. “I mean, I overheard that conversation the night after we had that argument. Then we were so busy talking about what was going on between us that I didn’t get around to it. I might have told you on Monday…but I found those messages on your phone.”

I blink.

“Wow, you’re right, it was all really bad timing, wasn’t it?” I muse. “So, when you were on the phone to Alex…?”

“I asked him to investigate Polly and her husband,” Ethan admits. “I was desperate at that point. I knew that, if it went to court, I’d lose, and they’d get Lily, no matter what she wanted.”

I knew Ethan was lying about something at that time, I just didn’t know what or why.

“What did he find?” I ask.

Ethan grins. There’s satisfaction almost radiating from him.