“But Mom…” We need to be realistic about this, and the truth is she clearly hates me for defying her.
“Your mother only wants what is best for you. She doesn’t want you to be unhappy and she suspected that something like this would happen, which is what she wanted to protect you from. She will be glad to have you back. Just… come home, and we can all sort it out while you are here. It’ll be much easier…”
I can’t stop myself from considering this suggestion because it’s familiar and it fills me with warmth. I was so desperate to get out of there, I wanted to run so fast, but now I realize that might not have been the answer. Instead, I should have faced it like an adult and tried to sort it out. At least the hatred from my mother I could understand, and it came from a good place. The Internet abuse is just so damn painful.
“Maybe I will, Dad,” I muse. “I don’t know yet. I could do though. I don’t know what is for the best…”
“I am going to try and see Ivy,” he insists. I can picture his deep in thought face as he says this. “Get her to call you and talk things through. She has always been a good support system for you, and I’m sure that she will talk some sense into you. I don’t like the fact that you are so far away and unhappy.”
This makes me yearn for my dad. Sure, he has always been on side with my mother, treating me like I am much younger than I am, like I can’t think for myself, but being away has made me see that he only thinks that he’s doing what is best to protec
t me from this kind of pain. Perhaps I should have listened because he knows best. It doesn’t seem like I know what the hell I am up to anyway, since everything is a mess.
“Thanks, Dad,” I reply gratefully. “I will speak to Ivy, sort this out.”
“Good. I know that you will make the right decision. We will fix this.”
We talk for a little while longer and I have to admit that by the time I say goodbye to my father I have managed to start feeling a little better about everything. He has helped me to see that not everything is out of my control. That I can make changes if I need to, I just have to decide what is right.
Well, I don’t know what my father said to Ivy or what he thought that she would tell me when she called, but I’m guessing that it isn’t what she is actually saying to me. Even I am shocked, especially since during our last conversation it seemed like she wanted me to come back as well because she missed me…
“…You can’t let your family control you anymore. You have found happiness in Hollywood with Seth and your parents have just decided that he is a certain way even though he isn’t. They don’t know him like you do. You are happy for the first time; I can see it. Sure, the Internet comments must suck- I get that, I wouldn’t be able to take it either. But all you need to do is log off and focus on Seth. You and he have finally gotten together after all the years of missing one another, so spend time with him instead. Enjoy one another.”
When I spoke to my father, his words sounded right, but now chatting to Ivy, she sounds wise. I should spend time with Seth instead of worrying about the rest of the world. Me and him have a bubble and when we are inside it, life feels wonderful. I adore every single second of it. Me and him can get to that place, can’t we?
We have worked hard to make this happen; I shouldn’t give up at the first hurdle. Sure, it isn’t easy but the best things in life aren’t, are they? That’s what makes them so special. I haven’t pined after Seth for six years just to lose him. I will always regret it if I don’t give him a chance. If I don’t allow us to see where this could go.
“I should do something, shouldn’t I?” I reply to Ivy. “Like organize a nice date or something.”
“Exactly, that’s it. Put any effort that you would in the Internet, in to him instead. Look, you know for sure that I would love you to come back home because I miss you like crazy, but you needed this. To spread your wings and fly, to find happiness, to have this romantic love story. Don’t ruin it for nothing.”
I nod, determined, and smile to myself. “Right, well I am going to get planning, see what I can sort…”
“Don’t go too over the top,” she reminds me. “He doesn’t need that and nor do you. You don’t need to be out on some big romantic excursion where the rest of the world can get involved. Just cook something nice for him and wear your sexiest underwear. Maybe even buy something new and lacy as a treat.”
Even the idea of this has my pulse racing. Ivy is so right; Seth thinks that I am the sexiest woman alive. He has managed to bring my confidence up. Why should I let anyone else ruin that? I don’t even know these people; their opinions shouldn’t bother me one bit. He is the one that matters.
“Thank you, Ivy, for your amazing advice. I really appreciate it. I know that you are being honest with me because this isn’t what you want me to do.” I try to laugh but the sound is strangled. “It means a lot.”
“I know,” she jumps in with a giggle. “I want you back home with me because I need my best friend… but I also want you to live your best life. Plus, I’m really enjoying all the jealousy inducing pictures that you keep sending me. I can live vicariously through you, pretend that I am in Hollywood rather than on the couch…”
Funny how the grass always seems greener on the other side. Ivy is jealous of my life just as I am hers. But in reality, neither of us have it perfect we are just doing what we need to, to survive. I simply need to refocus, that’s all. Remember what’s important to me and what is simply outside noise. If I can do that, then me and Seth can get our incredible, once in a life time love story, back on track and I can finally find my place in the world, because if there is one thing that I am certain of, it’s by his side. Wherever Seth Bishop may be, that is where I am as well.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Seth
January 10th
“No, no, no.” The director’s shrill voice runs right through me. “This isn’t right. Why aren’t you getting it right? I can’t stand watching the two of you throw so much potential down the drain for no reason.”
Me and Winter share a look but neither of us say anything to stand up for ourselves. There isn’t any point, we have tried before and it doesn’t get us anywhere. If he isn’t happy, there isn’t anything we can say. We have to sit back and take it, let him get it out of his system then we can carry on. It’s frustrating, but what can we do?
“We need to take a break. We need… this isn’t going well. I need a time out, and, so do you?”
As he stalks away, I watch Winter do the same thing. I guess that means I don’t have any choice either but to go and hang out for a moment. I’m just glad that Sierra isn’t here today to see this shit storm.
The first place I go to is my cell phone of course, to break away from this world and get to the real part of my life. I look for messages from Sierra because I’m sure that she will have called me, but instead I see a million messages from Darcy instead. She wants to know where I am and when I am coming home. I can’t message her back because I have no idea, so I call her instead. Hearing Darcy’s voice always makes my day better, so I have no doubt that she will cheer me up here as well. Something has to work.