She finally seems to understand but she is a little shitty when she finally agrees. “Right, fine.”
“Sorry, Luci, I just…” I sigh loudly. “This is weird for me. I don’t mean to be a bitch, I just…”
“No, I know. I’m sorry.” She pouts. “I’m just excited for you, that’s all.”
I know there’s a right thing to say here, words to make this all okay again, but right now I have a blank mind that can’t seem to find any of the answers. I’m a black numb void who just needs to get out of here…
“Addison Laing,” the receptionist calls, breaking the tension. “If you’d like to follow me…”
Luci grabs my arm one last time and squeezes. “Good luck, Addison. I’ll be here waiting for you.”
I nod slowly, trying to take comfort from her, but I can’t seem to make it happen. I’m just messy and scared, terrified what this is going to bring up. I might have to talk about Jace.
My heart thumps with every step as I walk towards the sleek office in which Mrs. Hayley Spraggon herself works. Every step feels heavy, but I keep on lugging my feet along anyway. For Luci. A little bit for myself as well. Just for the experimence. The test to see if I can ever move passed the rut I’m in.
I finally find myself shown into a room which is clearly designed to be warm, to inspire feelings of love, to make you feel like you’re in a welcome environment where you can spill your guts. But I just feel like shit. Like I know that I’m not quite good enough, like I shouldn’t be here.
“Hello there.” Hayley beams gleefully at me. She has a curvy, womanly figure that I’m sure wouldn’t have any trouble attracting any man. It’s alright for her, she doesn’t need help, clearly since she’s married. “You are Addison Laing, am I right?” I nod numbly. “Great, well it’s lovely to meet you. Please, take a seat.”
I do as she commands, going along with something that I really don’t want to just because she told me to. That’s a really bad habit and I need to stop it. “Thank you for seeing me…”
“I can tell that you’re hesitant to be here and I know why. Most people are when they first arrive. Usually, this is something that they’ve been coerced in to by their friend.” I laugh knowingly. It seems I’m not the only one who has a Luci in their lives. “So, today I just want to talk about you.”
“Me?” I don’t know why this is a surprise but it is. “Erm, what do you want to know about me?”
“Everything.” She opens her arms wide. “Tell me all about who you are.”
“I… I… I’m a managing editor of a newspaper. That’s why I don’t date, you know. It’s because I’m so busy. Work keeps me going, I have to do a lot of hours. It’s… a lot of responsibility.”
Yeah, Luci is right. It all sounds like excuses. There isn’t really any reason for me not to date. No reason but Jace. It’s always been him, clinging onto me like a bad smell, I can’t shake him off. And I need to. This isn’t healthy, it isn’t going to help me, I can’t live my life in the shadow of the past anymore.
“I think…” I gulp. The thick ball of emotion that lodges itself in my throat won’t slide down, no matter what I do. “I think I can’t let go of the past. Of someone who hurt me. I think that’s why…”
Shit. A tear leaks down my cheek. I’m crying. Of all the things that I expected to happen in this room, sobbing wasn’t it. I was just going to be cold and calm, to just get through it, but now…
“It’s okay, dear,” Hayley reassures me. “You don’t need to worry. Everyone gets emotional in here. Usually, by the time someone comes to see me they have been through some hard times.” I nod, feeling better to hear that, but I can’t stop the tears from rolling. “So, for a moment why don’t I tell you what I can do?” I nod again. “I will take notes on everything that I know about you, everything that we discuss today, and the criteria that you give me for finding your perfect partner.”
“Criteria?” I half laugh. “That sounds a bit… sciency doesn’t it?”
“It is science,” she replies dead serious. “And after I have reviewed your notes, I will find a selection of the men that I have on my books to present you with the ones I think are most suited. You can then pick any of them to go on dates with, or none of them if you prefer, you are in complete control.”
I blow out a breath that I didn’t even know I was holding. That’s good. I like the sound of that. I’m the one with all the power, so if I decide against this then I can just back off. Luci doesn’t even have to know about it, I can tell her that I tried and it didn’t work… if I panic. But I will try and go through with it.
“Okay, great, so erm… what do you need from me to make it work?”
“I have some questions that I will ask and you will tell me some things. Then I will go from there. We can talk for as long as it feels comfortable, and I won’t push you to discuss anything you don’t want to.”
I smile weakly at Hayley and she grins back at me, we share an understanding. I do think that actually she might have my best interests at heart, through it all. I might be able to hack this more than online dating, it feels much less seedy and scary to me. I imagine Hayley vets everyone, so it will be fine.
At least, I hope it will be.
“M iss Laing? Miss Laing?”
I shake from my thoughts to see Sandra, the new intern, staring up at me with hopeful eyes. She’s got the ambition to back up the hope as well. I can already see that she’s going to go far,
“Addison, please, you don’t have to call me Miss Laing.”
“Er, right, Addison.” She coughs uncomfortably. “I just wanted to tell you that I’ve done the reports.”