“I… I don’t know. I don’t think it was like that, a big spiteful thing. I think he just wanted to see me.”
“Do you understand how messed up that is? That’s insane, Addison.”
It is. I mean, I can see it through her eyes and it is. Once I got my head around it, I thought it was romantic, but now Luci is tearing me apart. She’s making me rethink every issue and I don’t know if I like it.
“I just… look, we got to talking. He explained everything to me and we ended up spending time together.”
“He explained how he cheated on you? How the hell did he worm his way around that one?”
“He didn’t cheat. He wasn’t kissing Emma that night. You must have seen wrong…”
“Are you kidding me?” She blows out an angry breath. “I know what I saw, Addison. I think I was so proud of you back then. The way you didn’t take any nonsense and you left. I hated that you left me, I didn’t want you to, but I was proud because you didn’t do what all the other college girls did and went back to their cheating boyfriends. You knew you couldn’t handle it so you walked away. I know it’s left you damaged, the last six years have shown me that, but going back is the wrong idea. You will only end up hurt again.”
“I…” I barely know what to say. Is she right? Have I lost my mind?
“You will. He’s even worse now. A famous asshole who fucks everything that moves. You aren’t special, Addison, not to him. If you were, he wouldn’t have done what he did in the first place. If he couldn’t put you first then, he won’t be able to now. He’s touring all the time, with women everywhere…”
Tears prick my eyes, I wrap my arms around myself to try and protect my body from the accusations that are flying out of her mouth like bullets. “It isn’t like that, it isn’t serious. I know he’ll leave…”
“Which makes this even worse! Don’t you get that, Addison? You know that you’re going to get heart broken and you’re throwing yourself into it anyway. That’s insane! I mean, I will be here for you when he shatters you to pick up the pieces, just like I have been for the last few years. But I can’t agree with what you’re doing.”
“Luci, please,” I rasp through the tears. “Please, I know you don’t get it, but…”
“Addison, I can’t do this.” She slides her chair back and stands up. “I can’t watch you go through this. I just can’t. I’m sorry. I know that probably doesn’t sit right with you right now, but I can’t watch this self-destructive cycle. It’s killer.” She shakes her head hard. “I don’t want to be a shitty friend, but I can’t just sit back…”
“Are you telling me that you aren’t going to be my friend anymore?” My blood runs ice cold.
“Not while he’s here. I’ll still be your friend, not until he’s gone, or you come to your senses, which I’d prefer.”
She edges back away from me, creating an emotional distance so big it cuts me like a knife into my chest. All I want to do is reach out to her. I want to promise her that I’ll do what she wants and forget all about Jace because she’s probably right about him, but I can’t. I can’t make that promise because while he’s still in town, all I want is to be around him. Even knowing that it will end doesn’t change that.
“Luci, he makes me happy…”
“He always does in the beginning, but then he finds a way to make you miserable. That’s why you lied to me about it. Because you know as well as I do that he’ll end up fucking you over again.”
I part my lips, wanting to argue with her, but I don’t have a definite answer. He might, I can’t defend what I don’t know. Luci glares at me and I feel small and stupid. Have I really been that naïve?
“I’m sorry I lied,” I whisper. “I just don’t want to lose you. I knew that you’d go mad.”
“Addison, I don’t want it to be this way, all this makes me so mad. If I don’t go and I have to watch this, it’s going to make me so furious that I won’t be able to keep it inside and we’ll end up falling out. I don’t want this.”
I have to let her go. I don’t want to, it tears me apart, but just for a little while I need to let her leave while I work out what the hell I’m going to do. Will I keep seeing Jace until he leaves? Knowing that it will destroy me. Or should I cut ties now and get my best friend back?
I want them both, I want it all, but I can’t have that which sucks.
“This is stupid,” I tell myself through the tears. “This is ridiculous. Luci is always there for me. And maybe she did see that kiss and Jace is lying to me. I don’t know anymore. I don’t know anything!”
And that’s what scares me the most.
20
JACE
“What the hell?” I pace my room, pressing the phone to my ear again. “What’s going on?”
I’ve been ringing and texting Addie for two and a half days now with no response and I don’t understand it. The last time we were together, everything was incredible, I was flying higher than air, I thought we were at the start of something new, but now I can’t get hold of her again and I don’t know what’s going on.
It reminds me too much of how it was back then when she vanished in to thin air. She wouldn’t answer me then, it didn’t matter what I did, and it seems that for some reason we’re there again. I don’t get it; I don’t know what I possibly could have done in that time. I’ve only been at my mother’s house.