Rock My World

Why did I not just say no? As I stare at Felicia, f

orcing a smile on my face, everything feels wrong. I know that I shouldn’t be here, not for any reason. It’s more painful than it is helpful. To either of us.

“So, Addie, how have things been with you? It’s been a very long time, like we said before.”

“It’s been… okay.” I don’t know how to answer that properly. “Up and down, you know?”

“Oh, well I’m sure it has. That is the way of life, I’m afraid. Mine has been the same.”

“It must have been hard without seeing Jace a lot.” I gulp, the feel of his name in my throat too much.

“Yes, of course. And seeing him on the TV all the time is no help. Hearing all these stories about him.” She tuts and shakes her head which actually brings a genuine smile to my mouth. I forgot how straight talking she was. “It isn’t easy hearing things that are not like him at all. I don’t think the life suits him.”

“Hmmm.” It’s time. It’ll be easier to just admit I have seen him recently. “He kinda said that to me.”

She nods slowly. “You know, I thought when he left, the two of you would end up together.”

That stabs me like a knife into my chest. “It wasn’t meant to be, I suppose. Now he’s with Callie.”

She tuts again. “He isn’t with her, she is using him to get famous. I talked to him about her and he doesn’t even know her. They met for five minutes one night in a bar and she contacted the press to make sure they got a picture of them together. It’s nothing and it means nothing. I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“Oh, I’m not worried…” I start but she cocks one eyebrow at me. Turns out she knows everything. “Look, Jace and I tried. Once in college, once now, and I guess it never works.”

She reaches across and grabs my hand. “But why didn’t it work?”

“Well, in college I thought he cheated on me.” My cheeks heat up intensely. It’s horrible to admit this to his mother. She adores him, I’m sure she thinks that he can do no wrong. Which isn’t far wrong in this case. “He didn’t, and I know that now, but at the time I thought he had. I left college without talking to him about it because I thought that a clean break would be best for both of us. I assumed that he was slipping away from me anyway, the more the band began to progress. He had to throw so much of himself into it, he didn’t seem to have time for me, which I suppose seems silly and childish now, but it didn’t seem so much of a stretch to think he’d cheated.”

“He was distant and busy; I remember that time myself. That must have been hard on you.”

Her kind eyes make me feel a little warmer, a little less like I’m the worst person on the planet. It makes it easier to carry on talking, to be a bit more honest about what’s happening right now.

“And then when he came back, six years later, I fell back into play with him. It was almost as if no time had passed despite the fact that we’re very different people now. It was lovely, but the nagging doubts still remained.”

“The thought that he might cheat on you again?”

“More that we can’t make it work because of the distance between us, and his life with the band.”

“Ah, I see.” Her lips turn down into a frown. “And what did he say about this?”

I shrug helplessly. “I don’t know now, it’s all become a bit of a blur. I know that it was a bit of a fight and many things were said before he left, but I can’t remember the exact words.” Emotion tries to choke me. “My best friend, Luci, she’s the one who thought she saw him kissing someone else before, back in college. I think it hurt her a lot that I left because of it, but we managed to stay friends.”

“Ah, right, so I imagine she wasn’t too happy to see that Jace was back in your life.”

“Exactly. It caused issues between us as well. But I know it isn’t that she’s against Jace, she just wants me to be okay. She’s seen me hurt for a long time. A very long time. She doesn’t want that to get worse.”

Felicia understands, I can see it in her eyes. She gets what I’m trying to tell her, probably even better than I understand it which helps. “You know, Jace would never want to hurt you. He has always loved you. Even through everything. I know that he’s lost his way a little. A lot, actually, but his love for you has never changed.”

“I… I have always loved him too, but I don’t know if it’s enough. It always seems too hard.”

“Does it?” She narrows her eyes at me. “So, you fell apart in college. You were probably too young then anyway. That doesn’t have to mean anything now. And now, you argued, because guess what? Being an adult is hard. Being in love is hard. Compromise is hard. But it doesn’t have to spell the end.”

Her words sink in, making far more sense than anything that’s ever come before, and I give her a weak look. “I could have used that advice a while ago. Before it was too late.”

“It’s never too late. I think you’ll soon realize that.” She leans back in her chair and nods towards my bag. “Your cell phone has been going off for a while now. That could be the sign you need.”

She has me so worked up that by the time I actually grab my phone I expect it to be Jace’s name there, calling me. But it isn’t. It’s Luci again, probably changing up our plans for tonight. Not exactly a sign.

“I’ll just take this quickly. Give me a moment.”