“No. He’s seen it.”
“Sandy, is it Minnesota? Have all the oddities of the country just moved here because I don’t remember there being this many weirdoes in Chicago.”
“Just remember you moved here.” She replied quickly.
“I’m not going out with a tri-nippled guy. It ain’t happening.”
“It’s not like he’s got it on his forehead.”
“Sandy.” I laughed. I just don’t think I’m interested in dating anyone. Extra nipple or not. I’m just not interested.”
“Well, what about being interested in making a friend.” She pleaded. “You don’t have to marry the guy. But maybe he’ll end up being a good buddy. Someone you can call over to kill a spider or change a light bulb you can’t reach. IS that so bad.”
I sighed.
“No. That isn’t so bad.”
"Then maybe I can tell him you'd like to meet for a drink or something some time. I'll tell him you're just a nice person. Because you are, Tilly and more people should know that."
“Well, I’m pretty sweet on you, too, girl.” I looked at my watch. It was only nine-thirty on Saturday morning. I had the whole weekend free for the first time in over a month. My job kept me busy and I just wrapped up two back to back trials. One turned out well and the jury awarded the plaintiff next to nothing. The second went completely sideways and we were told to pay double what we’d offered to settle for.
“It happens.” my boss told me. “They can’t all be winners. You’ll get them next time.”
If I had the exact same outcome in New York or New Jersey they would have me walking the plank. That’s how those places operated and why they could pay so much. Because they knew they had a revolving door and in the long run they were getting the most work for the least amount of money. No job was worth getting an ulcer over.
“So I can give Karl your number?”
I let out a deep breath.
>
“Yes. But wait a while. Don’t call him right this second and tell him to call me immediately. Just tell tri-nips in a couple days, okay? Can you do that for me?”
“Yes. That I can do.” I could hear the smile in Sandy’s voice.
“Have you ever seen it?” I asked.
“No. Gross. What do I want to see a guy with three nipples for? Is the circus in town?”
I nearly passed my coffee out my nose as I started to laugh. Shaking my head I promised to call her later. I pressed the red disconnect button and slipped the phone into the pocket on my tacky green terry cloth robe. My fuzzy bear claw slippers had my feet sweating but that was okay.
“Oh, there you are.” I cooed. “Think you can just show up now after I’ve already had breakfast and coffee alone. You might just have to go hungry.”
“Meow.”
The calico cat slinked up the front steps like he were the most popular cat in town. His head was high, as was his tail that tickled the railing posts as he passed by. His eyes were gold and stared up at me while I slowly rocked on my porch swing.
Once I lowered my arms, that was the signal he could jump up in my lap. His motor instantly began to run and I received an affectionate head-butt on the chin.
"Yeah, all right. Did you have fun out here all night?" I scratched behind his ears. "I don't see any gifts. No dead mice or birds for mama?" He purred in my face. "Typical male." I squeezed him to me as I stood and went to the house locking the door out of habit behind me.
"You won't believe it, Spike, but Sandy wants me to go out with a guy who has three nipples," I said as I carried the big bundle of fur into the kitchen. I set him down on the counter where he posed nobly. "What do you think.”
He blinked lazily.
“Doesn’t impress you, huh?”
I poured his dry food into a tiny bowl and then gave him a splash of milk in a saucer. He raced to the saucer first.