When dinner was over, I excused myself to the kitchen, helping put away the leftovers and get the dishes soaking in the sink. It didn’t take long for Dex to wander in, drinking a glass of wine and chatting up my mother about how she was doing. As always, my mother was polite and courteous, always finding that she really liked Dex.
“Okay kids,” my mom said as she placed the last dish into the bag. “I’m going to run these over to the mission.”
“I’ll do it,” I said quickly, knowing Natalie wouldn’t stay much longer. She would want to give me a chance to talk to Dex but I wasn’t sure I was ready for that.
“I’ll go with her,” Dex said, putting down his glass of wine and grabbing a bag of food to carry.
“Oh, good,” my mom said with a smile. “Casey knows where the place is and just ask for Debbie when you get there.”
“I really can do this alone.” I grumbled as Dex helped pick up the bags. For a moment, my breath got caught in my throat as our hands touched. I quickly shook the feeling away and walked toward the door.
Dex held the door as I walked out, ignoring Natalie’s wink and smirk from the couch. There was absolutely nothing to wink and smirk about, this was very uncomfortable. We made our way down to the mission in silence, both of us feeling like we wanted to say something but remaining silent. We kept glancing at each other awkwardly, then looked away quickly before
the other could see. Part of me wanted to hear what he had to say, why he bolted and what his excuse this time was going to be, but the other part of me knew exactly what he wanted to talk about. I forced a smile when I dropped off the food, not even thinking to introduce Dex. He set the bags in the mission’s kitchen and wished the woman a Happy Thanksgiving.
On the way back, there were so many things running through my mind that I couldn’t even think straight. Dex was not his normal carefree self and instead looked like he was deep in thought. I tried to pick up the pace so we wouldn’t have a chance to talk before getting back to the apartment but he kept pace with me, our hands momentarily brushing against each other. I walked forward across the street, not waiting for Dex since there was a car coming up the street. I stepped up onto the curb and reached out for the railing but I felt Dex’s arm grab mine. He slowly spun me around to face him, a serious look on his face.
Immediately, my heart started pounding so loudly I could hear it in my ears. We were standing incredibly close on the steps of the apartment but I didn’t feel loved, attracted, or wanted. Instead, I felt fearful that my secret was going to get out. I was afraid that Dex was going to tell me he knew that Seth was his.
“I’m just going to cut right to it,” Dex said with a deep breath. “Who is Seth’s father?”
I looked up at him, knowing I couldn’t keep the secret any longer. I took a deep breath and finally said it:
“You, Dex. You’re Seth’s father.”
Chapter 13: Dex
“You, Dex,” she said with certainty and guilt. “You’re Seth’s father.”
The words surged through my head like fire and I stepped back, feeling my whole world spinning under my feet. I had that suspicion, which was why I took off and headed to South America. I had to clear my head, understand what I was telling myself. In the end though, I really thought she would say someone else. I never thought someone would hide this kind of thing from me. Seth was almost five years old now and I missed out on all that time.
Immediately, my mind went to my own father and all the time we spent together while I was growing up. Sure, my father worked a lot but he was an extremely important part of my life, especially as a young boy. Seth liked to draw buildings just like me, he held his pencil just like me, and he laughed loudly just like I did. I was so confused, I had so much to offer but at the same time had no idea how I was going to do so. All this time Seth could have been learning, understanding, and growing with me there to help. Instead, I was flying all over the world and dreaming of one-night stands with his mother. In the end though, none of this was my fault. I never knew Seth was my child. I hadn’t even thought about it until that day after the pumpkin patch. God, the pumpkin patch. I carried that child around on my shoulders, cuddled with him, and really learned who he was without knowing that he was mine. I had a son, a four-year-old child. He was mine and Casey kept him from me. She never even told me the truth. Not once in all these years.
Everything was moving so fast and Casey just stood there with her hands clutched in front of her and tears in her eyes. She must have thought I was a monster, just leaving and never coming back or calling. But at the same time, she was my sister’s best friend, she could have gotten hold of me at any point. As my thoughts turned to my sister, I felt a fresh wave of rage rush through my veins. No one could tell me that Natalie didn’t know about this. Even if Casey tried to keep it a secret, my sister was so much smarter than that, she would have seen right through it. But again, no one told me, not even a mention or blurb. In fact, I didn’t even know the child existed until I showed up at Casey’s apartment a week after Natalie’s wedding. If I hadn’t done that, I would have gone the rest of my life not knowing about my own son.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I was angry and I didn’t even try to hide it but her response was not what I expected.
“Everything was a total surprise,” she said, shaking her head. “I was a virgin when we slept together. It never even crossed my mind that I could get pregnant. God, it was my first time. That sort of thing just doesn’t happen.”
I looked up at her in shock. She was a virgin and I didn’t even know it, nor did she give the faintest clue. I had not only taken her virginity on an old couch in her mother’s living room but I knocked her up at the same time. I wanted to feel guilty but with all of this new information, the only emotion I could hold onto was anger.
“You should have told me.” I growled.
“You were out of the country,” she said flippantly. “It’s not like you were down the street. And besides, what was I supposed to do? Call you up and say ‘Hey this is Casey, the girl you did on the couch on Christmas Eve. Just wanted to tell you I was a virgin and now I’m pregnant. Safe travels!’ No, that wasn’t something that could be said over the phone, Dex. Not that you left your phone number anyway.”
“You are best friends with my sister,” I said loudly. “You could have gotten ahold of me if you wanted to.”
“You were off chasing your dreams, making billions, building resorts,” she said, starting to pace back and forth. “You didn’t have time to be there for some girl from Brooklyn. You made it very clear you were not a family man.”
“How did I do that?”
“Oh, come on, Dex. It’s splashed all over the gossip columns. You are a playboy. You may be sweet and kind but you don’t have time for long relationships much less raising a child,” she said. “It takes a lot more than money to raise a little boy.”
“You think I don’t know that?” I was livid. “You never even gave me a chance to make that choice.”
“I don’t know,” she said, shaking her head. “I was also afraid that you would think I was trying to get money from you or something. I am not a gold digger. I didn’t want or need your money.”
“Why does money always have to be an issue?” I ran my hands through my hair and looked up at the sky. “God, now I understand my father’s irritation with my mother all those years. She always thought things out and never actually considered my father’s feelings.”