“Nothing about this is simple, Ava,” he said quietly.
“No shit,” I said.
As soon as the doors opened, I stomped out of the elevator, not stopping at the lounge. I went straight into my office and slammed the door, leaving him standing in the elevator as if he had actually done something wrong. I was so freaking confused at that moment. He hadn’t told me anything about his dinner plans with my father, nothing. This all could be extremely messy if we didn’t play it safe. Why, after all these years, did he pick now to decide that my father was so damn important to him? Why did he go to dinner like it was top secret and not even give me a heads up? Everything was a damn mess, and I didn’t even know where to start to fix it. Part of me wanted to quit, to say screw it and start over somewhere else. If I was going to lie about this, I could lie about why I left, too. At that point, lies seemed to be the name of the game in my life, either me dishing them out or me receiving them from everyone around me.
I looked down at my cell phone, and it was Tanner calling. I pressed the ignore button and tossed my phone on the desk. I didn’t want to hear anything from him at that point. I needed to breathe. I felt like I was starting to suffocate in my own damn life. I couldn’t decide whether I should be mad at him for lying or mad at myself for allowing myself to get into this position in the first place. I was a grown woman, and I couldn’t blame Tanner for all of this. I had lied to my father before I even started my first day at MJ, and Tanner had agreed to go along with it, not that he had much of a choice if he wanted to keep me on staff.
From there, it had continued to snowball out of control until it landed right where I was, sitting there not knowing what my next move should be. I wanted to stop playing games, to live back in the real world, to not lie to my father anymore, but I had dug myself a hole that I didn’t know how to get out of. The fact that Tanner was exasperating the situation was frustrating as hell, and I couldn’t figure out how I felt about him from one minute to the next. It was like my heart was taking both sides of the fence, and I was stuck in a mean tug of war battle with my own emotions.
I threw my phone in my purse, grabbed my umbrella, and stomped back out of the office. Tanner’s door was shut, and I leaned around the corner, looking at his secretary. She smiled at me and then scrunched her eyebrows as I whispered.
“I have to leave,” I said. “Please tell Mr. Johnson I had an emergency. But wait until I'm in the elevator please.”
“Okay,” she said, confused. “Hope everything turns out okay.”
“Thanks,” I replied before turning and walking toward the elevator.
I hope everything worked out okay, too. My mind was all over the place, trying to figure out how I felt. Nothing really had changed as far as my father was concerned, except for the fact that Tanner was now going to have to lie to keep my existence there at MJ a secret. Telling my father that I was sleeping with Tanner wasn’t even something I would tell him if he knew I was working there, so I wasn’t worried about that part. I just didn’t even understand what I was doing with my life. I had thought I’d figured it out, but after Tanner showed up at my place on the day of the polo match, everything I had figured out just drifted away in a ball of ecstasy and sweat.
I stepped into the elevator and turned around. As the doors shut, I watched Tanner step out into the hallway, looking at me as I left the office. I caught his eyes but looked away, glad that the doors shut before he had a chance to say anything. I just needed some time to myself, some time to figure out how I was feeling about everything. I knew there was a part of Tanner that did what he did because he truly thought it would help my situation, but he didn’t seem to really understand how that parent-child relationship worked.
When I got out of the office, I opened my umbrella and walked along, not wanting to jump into a cab just yet. When I reached the opening to the park, I decided to go for a walk, watching the other umbrellas peppering the sidewalk and lawn. I loved when it rained, especially in the fall. The vibrant colors of the leaves exploded next to the gray of the sk
y. It was like one of those doctored photos where everything was black and white except for the leaves on the trees. As I walked along, listening to the water hit the umbrella and trickle down, I could feel my shoulders beginning to relax.
This was my life, no matter how much I seemed to have screwed it up, and I couldn’t take back any of it. I was disappointed in myself for going against my gut instinct from the beginning, but beating myself up was not going to solve anything. I still had an amazing career and a bright future, and MJ was going to give me that resume boost that would really get me going in this financial climate.
Now, all I had to figure out was what to do with Tanner.
Chapter 15
Tanner
Friday was finally here, and I couldn’t have been happier about that. Ava hadn’t talked to me since the elevator on Wednesday, and I wasn’t sure how she was feeling. I knew she was confused. She was angry about how everything had happened, but I tried to assure her I had done everything with her best interest at heart, even if I was misguided. I had sent her that text, and even though she didn’t respond, I knew she’d read it, and that’s what I wanted the most. I wanted her to know I was thinking about her and that I wasn’t being a prick.
Now that I was home, I had no idea whether Ava was going to show up for dinner or not, but I wasn’t going to not be prepared in case she did. I made dinner, kept it warming in the oven, and set the table with the plates, silverware, cloth napkins, and a large vase of red roses. I situated the bottle of wine on ice to the side and then stood back to admire my work. I hadn’t made dinner for a woman like that ever in my entire life, not even for the ex-wife. I did have it stapled in the back of my mind that Ava may not show up.
She knew I was still going to plan on her being there. I had sent her a reminder of the time, the address, and told her I hoped she came. If she didn’t, well that was completely on her and of her own accord at that point. She had all the information, so there weren’t going to be any excuses for her to take. If she showed up, I would be ecstatic, but if she didn’t, it would answer a lot of questions and put a lot of things to rest. If she decided not to come, I could move forward, release her from my mind, and understand that it was nothing more than a little fling that went as soon as it came.
I could really put my professional hat on and get back to work, treating her just like any other employee and get the merger underway without any more distractions. All in all, this dinner would answer a lot of questions for the both of us, both for each other and for the way that we felt. Sure, I would love to have Ava be just as wanting as I was for affection from me, but at the same time, if she wasn’t, I didn’t want to continue to pine for her. It was hard enough to convince myself to take this step, much less continue to chase after someone who didn’t want to be chased.
At eight, I forced myself to go in the living room and relax instead of pacing back and forth in the kitchen. We hadn’t spoken since the elevator, and it was starting to drive me crazy. If she didn’t want to talk with me, that was fine, but she could be an adult about it and at least say it out loud. I guess in some way she had, but she was extremely full of mixed signals. She was pushing me away and then pulling me back close, and I was starting to feel like I was on a roller coaster. I sighed and put my feet up on the table, trying to avoid staring at my watch.
It was like every minute that ticked by, I got more and more depressed, surprising myself wholeheartedly about how upset I was at the thought of not having a personal relationship with Ava. Maybe I cared about her a bit more than I thought I did. I shook that thought straight from my mind, not wanting to have that kind of revelation on the night she might not show up at all. Now I knew how the girls I stood up felt like waiting for me, and I vowed right there never to do that to a woman again. It was a pretty terrible feeling. I looked down at my watch and realized it was a quarter after eight, and I started to make peace with the idea she wasn’t coming. I stood up and headed for the wine but stopped suddenly the sound of knocks echoed through the penthouse.
I walked to the door and opened it, looking out at Ava standing anxiously outside. She looked gorgeous in a black dress, black pea coat, and her hair curled in big curls cascading over her shoulders. She reached up and handed me a bottle of wine and smiled, her cheeks rosy red from the cold that had taken over the night air.
“I didn’t think you were coming,” I said kindly.
“I didn’t think I was either,” she said with a smile, “but here I am.”
I leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek, grasping tightly to the bottle of wine she had brought. The scent of her perfume filled my nostrils, and I felt so many different emotions flowing through me. I was relieved she was there. I was nervous that this meant I had to put aside my fears and move forward, and I was also extremely turned on by her, like I always was. She closed her eyes, and I lingered there at her cheek for several moments, just taking in her whole self. I couldn’t explain what I was feeling even if I tried, but I knew one thing. This was going to be a night where I treated this woman like a queen and not some girl I was just trying to hook up with. I stepped back and looked at how beautiful she was.
“You look amazing,” I said, stepping to the side. “Please, come in.”
She smiled and walked through the doors, looking around the place with wide eyes. I forgot that I hadn’t had the opportunity to bring her to my place yet, and it was probably a bit to take in. My penthouse was one of the biggest in the city, and it had the best view of any penthouse. You could see all of downtown from the top floor, and though I didn’t have a balcony because of the wind sheers, the windows were an amazing opening to the world below.
I showed her into the living room and sat her down on the couch, returning to the kitchen to open the wine. I served us both a glass and sat down next to her on the couch, turning so we could see each other and talk. She looked nervous as she sipped her wine, and I smiled, remembering that look from when I had first seen her after so many years.