“How about you?” she asked.
I looked up at her with surprise, realizing that I had never really thought about it. She took me extremely off guard. My life had been pretty much set up for me with no real option to stray from it. I had spent so many years being forced into what my future was that I hadn’t ever really taken the time to think about what I wanted. I felt that it was a frivolous thing to think about since I didn’t feel that I had much choice in the matter, so I pushed it to the back of my brain and left dreaming for other people. I realized, after getting to know Josie, there really wasn’t a perfect situation for dreaming. You either chose to follow your dreams, or you laid down and took what society set up for you. I guess I had laid down and taken it for so long that the idea of dreams had become somewhat of an enigma.
Before meeting Josie, I hadn’t thought about anything other than the fact that I had no path. I was wasting away in an endless cycle of booze and pussy, and I hated everything there was about the law firm. I didn’t want to practice law, at least not for the schmucks we had as clients. I didn’t want to deal with the constant influx of rich, stupid people in my life. Most of the people I knew never felt what it was like to go through hardship, to be pulled from the brink and be given a second chance. Josie definitely got my wheels turning. I thought about it for a few minutes, sipping my wine and looking out over the ocean. Josie could see I was lost in my thoughts, so she smiled and waited for me to work it out in my mind. She was so damn patient, it was amazing.
“I’ve never really thought about it,” I said, rubbing my chin. “My life has always pretty much been laid out for me. I didn’t have the opportunity to really be given the choice.”
“I don’t believe that,” she said, smiling. “My life wasn’t really what I planned, but in between the moments of darkness, the light was there to give me the ability to dream for the future. In fact, I think that was what kept me sane all of these years.”
“Maybe you are right,” I said, amazed by her intelligence and wisdom. “I don’t know. I do like law. I just really hate the people our firm caters to. I think that if I could take the firm and make it my own, I could bring in some cases for people that weren’t the rich assholes that deserve their misfortune. People that really need help but can’t really afford anyone better than a court-appointed attorney. Those are the people that I really want to see get help. So many of them slip through the cracks, get guilty pleas because they don’t understand the system, and then end up in prison. It's that cycle of degradation that you were talking about, only with crime and adults. I guess it all ties together since those adults were once children, facing the same issues your kids face. It’s crazy to think that the lack of help as a child leads all the way up to these lives where people still don’t give a shit about them.”
“It is sad to think about, really,” Josie said, still looking out at the ocean. “And as a society, we should be standing up for that, but instead, we are too worried about our own pockets and our own lives. What are we if we don’t take care of each other?”
“You’re right,” I said, smiling at her and shaking my head. “I don’t know. I guess those are things I can definitely start to think about.”
I told her I didn’t know, but I knew there was one dream that I wasn’t shouting from the table at the restaurant. There was one dream that I didn’t think I would ever achieve, no matter where my career or life went. I knew at that moment, what I really wanted was to settle down, buy a house, have a family, and live that dream that my father had experienced. My parents were amazing people, and I wanted to enjoy life just as they had, with the family included in that. It was a crazy thought that was floating through my mind, and I knew it was the first time I had ever thought that way. But how could I not with Josie sitting there, listening to me?
Part of me wanted to take her into my arms and tell her just that, tell her how she had blown my mind since the first words that came out of her perfect little mouth. The other part of me knew that we had only been seeing each other for a few days, and getting too serious about our relationship at this point had the potential to chase someone away. Josie was the most amazing woman I had ever met in my entire life, and the last thing I wanted to do was scare her away with dreams like that. So, instead of bombarding her with dreams of grandeur and family, I held it inside, hoping one day that I would have the chance to let her know.
She was the most perfect woman I had ever met. She had these dreams that didn’t benefit her, but instead, benefitted the kids, the families, and the community. She thought selflessly about others, and I could see that she would give the shirt off her back if it promised a bright future for someone else. I wanted to make sure she had all of these things. I wanted to make it so she could have all of her dreams and have a life where she was treated like the queen that she was. There were a lot of women out there who felt like they deserved to be treated like that, but Josie was the first one I had ever met that actually deserved it. What made it even more special, was the fact that she didn’t even know how much she needed to be given those things. One day, I was determined to show her.
Chapter 8
Josie
After dinner and the intense conversation we had, we walked out onto the beach, enjoying the cool air, the sand under our toes, and the crashing of the waves beside us. The ocean had always been such an emotional place for me. The vastness of it made me think about how amazingly small we were. People enjoyed the waves and the water, but it was home for many, a strength that protected us from weather that had the ability to take us out, and a calming push and pull that connected all the way up the moon. I smiled to myself as I shook the thought from my head, realizing that I had gotten deep with that last thought. My hand brushed against Blaine’s, and he grabbed onto me, looking over and smiling as we walked along.
The cool water of the Atlantic rolled up over my feet and almost hit the bottom of my rolled-up pant legs. The sky was beautiful, and the air was the perfect temperature. Blaine and I had spent the evening bonding over more things in life, and I had this feeling in my chest that told me things couldn’t get any more perfect than they were right at that moment. As soon as that thought crashed through my mind, Blaine stopped me and pulled me close, kissing my lips gently. I was absolutely wrong. This was topping the list for the night.
At first, his kisses were tender, soft, and emotional, but as we discovered our bodies pushing against each other, the heat began to rise between us. He opened his mouth and ran his tongue across the crease of my lips, opening them up and inviting himself in. Our kiss grew deeper and deeper, and my hands clenched onto his muscles th
rough his thin, gray t-shirt. Passion erupted between us, a passion even deeper than the one I experienced with him that first night.
The water rushed up to our legs, but it didn’t deter us. Our hands began to run down each other’s backs, and goosebumps ran down my neck as he rested his hand on my hips, pulling them into his. I could feel the outline of his large, semi-hard cock against me. The heat in my stomach quickly moved downward and the juices began to flow, pooling in my satin panties. His cologne smelled amazing, and by the time our lips parted, I was breathless and needy.
He stared deeply into my eyes and tucked the hair blowing against my cheek behind my ear. He leaned in and kissed me again, this time soft and gentle. He moved his lips to my cheek and lingered there, his skin barely touching mine. I breathed deeply, my heart beating crazily in my chest and my mind on something other than conversation. I wanted him so badly, and I was hoping that he would keep walking toward his place, which I knew wasn’t far from there. I wanted him to lay me down and take advantage of my body. I wanted to feel his mouth against mine and his tongue all over my skin as I melted beneath him.
When he pulled back and kissed my forehead, I felt a little disappointed, but I followed him back toward the car that was parked at the restaurant. I wasn’t sure why he wasn’t making a move, and part of me was slightly bothered by it. It was obvious that he wanted me and was attracted to me, and it wasn’t like it would be our first time. I was really hoping that he was going to invite me back to his place and get hot and heavy, but instead, he walked me back to the car and opened the door for me. I sat there thinking about it as he climbed inside and put the top of the car up. It was getting chilly outside, and I hadn’t brought a jacket. Before he could put the keys in the car, he leaned over and kissed me again, smiling as he pulled back. I put my hand over his and turned toward him, deciding that I wanted to ask him about the first time we had sex.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Anything,” he said calmly.
“What do you think about the fact that we had sex so soon after meeting each other?”
I sat there looking at him, waiting for him to respond. He was being thoughtful about his words, and I wondered what was going through his mind. I could feel my nerves bubbling up in my stomach, but I pushed them back, not wanting to change the subject. I really wanted to know. Between the flirting, the kissing, and the emotional bonding, I figured he would be trying to get my clothes off already. I watched his eyes as he put his hands in his lap and let out a long breath. He smiled and looked out the window, obviously nervous to tell me the truth.
“When I first met you,” he said. “I had every intention of taking you back to my place, having sex, and never calling you again.”
“Wow,” I said, chuckling at the response I wasn’t expecting.
“I have been terrified of getting hurt for so long that I had built up a wall,” he explained. “I didn’t have relationships. This bond that we have isn’t something that I have ever felt before. I was a playboy, loving and leaving as fast as I could. I’m not saying I’m proud of it, but that was my game. It was pretty much the only thing I did with my free time. I told you I had wandered since my parents died, and that was where I wandered to. I filled the loneliness with temporary distractions.”
“I appreciate your candor,” I said, reaching for his hand.
“But after I made love to you at your house,” he said, turning toward me. “I knew that you weren’t one of those girls. As I drove home that night and woke up the next morning with you on my mind, I knew that there was something different and unique about you. I thought you were amazing from the first slurred, drunk words that came out of your mouth. I knew you had the biggest heart right away. I was drawn to you, and I still am, in a way that I could only imagine my father being drawn to my mother. I couldn’t treat you like the other women. I couldn’t lump you in with just another hookup. So, I didn’t, and I let you crash through those walls I thought I’d built so sturdily.”
I smiled, listening to every word that he said. It didn’t bother me that he was a playboy, and I pretty much had already figured that out on my own. What I didn’t realize was why he was that way. I didn’t realize that he was pushing people away so hard because he was so traumatized by his parents’ death. He had obviously loved them very much, and he couldn’t bring himself to allow anyone else into his heart. It was raw and truthful, and I respected him for telling me the truth instead of giving me some line he thought I would want to hear.