“Yeah, I guess I get that now,” Emma agreed, looking hopeful that things might work out in her favor, after all. “This is fun without boys. It always has been.”
"And it still will be," I asserted.
I made a decision then to take my hurt feelings and shove them down deep, where they couldn't rear their ugly heads again for the rest of the night. I knew I couldn’t ignore them forever, but for now, they could wait.
Later, when we were safely home and Emma had shuffled off to bed, I would have to think about things. I would have to think about Drew canceling on me at the last minute, and also the way he had canceled. There had been something strange in his voice, a weird little hitch I couldn't ignore.
When I had asked him why he couldn't come, he had told me that something had come up, but something in my gut told me it was someone that had come up. I wasn't a complete idiot. I'd done a little bit of digging into Drew's reputation since we started dating, and I knew he was a bit of a ladies' man, to say the least.
I hadn't seen any real evidence of that in the short amount of time we had been dating, but our time had been exactly that. Short. If he was going to start getting bored, it would probably be around now, now that he'd gotten what he wanted from me a couple of times and the novelty of it had worn off.
All of these thoughts would occupy my mind later, but not while on our picnic. It was one of our favorite holidays and favorite traditions. There was no way I was going to let anything ruin that, not even Drew.
“You know,” Sophie said in an offhand, casual way. “I’m not even sure this guy is real, big sister. For all I know, he’s a figment of your imagination.”
“Um, what?” I asked, turning to her. Her expression was unreadable. “Are you joking? I can’t tell if you’re joking. Are you calling me crazy?”
"Calm down,” she said, a hint of a smile on her lips. “Nobody said that. Still, it's not like I've ever seen this ‘Drew' character. What about you, Emma? Have you seen this guy?"
“Nope. Never seen him before.”
“That doesn’t mean he’s not real!” I laughed and swatted at my two best girls affectionately. “Believe me, he’s real. He’s just...”
“Just what, Mama? You never talk about him, except for when you told us he was alive.”
“Yeah, Jess. Your daughter is amazingly astute. You haven’t told us much about him, except for the fact that he exists, supposedly. And the fact that he canceled on the most amazing Fourth of July picnic ever. Not a lot to go on, I’ve gotta say. What do you think, Emma?”
“I think what you just said!” Emma said.
“Okay guys, I get it. I haven’t told you much about him. That’s because it’s not that easy. Dating is harder when you get older. Once you have people other than yourself involved, it’s not the same as when you were younger. I didn’t want to talk about him until I knew that there was a reason to.”
“But there’s a reason now, Mama, right? You invited him with us.”
"Yes, there is," I answered with as much confidence as I could drum up. “I like him. I like him a lot, actually. He's completely unlike any of the guys I've dated since your daddy. He's so serious
. Sometimes it's hard to tell what he's thinking, and but it's a serious that I like. Sometimes when I look at him, he reminds me of an old movie star or something, like Clark Gable or Cary Grant. I didn't think that kind of man existed anymore, but now, I think he's one of them. They don't make men like him anymore. That's what I really think. There's something special about him, even if he couldn't make it tonight."
There was a moment of silence after I spoke. I expected all three of us were mulling over the things I had just said. Emma and Sophie were probably doing their best to digest the most amount of information I had ever given them about my new, elusive paramour. For my part, I only wanted to make sure those were all things I still believed.
I knew he was special. I just wasn't sure that I could trust him. The strange tone of his voice when he had told me the night before that he wasn't going to make it kept playing inside of my head. Something about that tone made me wonder how close he was to the man I had built him up to be.
“I don’t know,” Sophie broke the silence with her flippant tone. “I’m still not convinced that he’s real.”
"Me either!" Emma shouted before dissolving into a heap of giggles.
Sophie started laughing with her, and before I knew it, the two of them were engaged in a massive tickle war beneath a now-dark sky in which fireworks were beginning to bloom. Listening to that laughter and looking up at the exploding jewels in the sky, it was hard not to feel good.
Maybe there was something more to Drew's canceling that met the eye. If so, I could deal with it later. Maybe there would be a fallout, and I would wind up broken-hearted, exactly where I didn't want to be when this whole thing had started. Those were things I could handle later if they came, but for now, I was content. My loved ones were happy, and there was a celebration lighting the night sky. With things like that to warm my insides, how could I be anything but happy?
“Hey, Mama? Who is that guy?”
“What guy, baby? You’re missing the fireworks!”
“No, Mama, really! There’s some man walking towards us. Do you know him?”
I looked down from the sky, certain that this was only more of Emma and Sophie's ribbing, and felt my breath catch in my chest. It was Drew, and if Emma hadn't been the one to point him out, I would almost certainly have thought he was a figment of my imagination.
He wasn't coming. I hadn't even told him which area of the large Seattle park we would be picnicking in, and that didn't matter because he wasn't coming. Except that here he was, walking towards me with a massive bouquet of flowers clutched in one hand.