“Me? Are you kidding? No, she’ll just file it away as more proof.”
“Proof of what?” I asked.
“Proof of how you’re the most amazing guy on the planet.”
“I sincerely doubt that,” I said.
"Well, you shouldn't. Seriously, Drew, she really likes you. She talks about you all the time. I'm not trying to freak you out or anything, but since you started coming around, she's been so happy. She was so glad the picnic didn't turn out to be a one-ti
me deal. She likes that you come hang out at the house. She likes that you don't treat her like she's a baby. Those are her words, not mine."
“She’s a good kid,” I said thoughtfully, staring out across the city. “I like her, too. I’ll be honest with you, and I don’t think this will come as a major surprise, kids haven’t really been my thing.”
She laughed. “Oh, is that so? I never would have guessed.”
"Very funny. Yes, that's so. I haven't had a lot of kids in my life, and I haven't wanted them there, either. Getting to know Emma, though, it's sort of changed my mind. She's a smart girl. A kind girl, too. And she doesn't treat me like I'm a total asshole, so I like that, too."
“That’s because you’re not an asshole. Emma hasn’t gotten to meet the few guys I’ve dated since her father passed away, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have any opinions of them. She told me, right before I met you actually, that I needed to stop dating bad guys. I think she’s happy I found you.”
I should have been happy to hear it. I wanted to be happy, except that there was a cloud hanging over my head, one that had to do with my almost canceling on the Fourth of July picnic. It had been almost a month since that had gone down, and the reason for my behavior had never come up. I had tried to pretend it didn't exist, even to myself, but hearing her now, I knew that wasn't an option.
“Jess, I need to tell you something.”
“Um, okay. Not what a girl likes to hear, but okay.”
“It’s about the Fourth,” I said. “About why I almost didn’t come.”
“Okay.”
“It was about a girl.”
“I don’t understand,” she said.
“The night before the Fourth, I got a call from a woman I used to hook up with. She wanted me to come with her to some crazy, alcohol-fueled party. That was why I was going to cancel on you. I was planning on going with her instead.”
“Are you kidding me?” she asked, looking at me with narrowed eyes. “I mean, seriously, are you?”
“No, Jess, not kidding. I’m trying to be honest with you.”
“That’s great and all, but what’s the matter with you?! Is that the way things are between us? Because if so you, you better tell me now. I must have been an idiot to think this was really something. Somehow, I thought that me making it so clear I didn’t just jump into bed with men would make it clear I didn’t want either of us sleeping around, but I guess not.”
“Jess, stop.”
“Stop?!” she cried. “Don’t tell me to stop! You drop this information in my lap, and you what, expect me to be chill about it? You must be out of your mind.”
“No, I don’t expect that,” I said. “Just let me explain. Will you give me that much?”
“Fine,” she answered hotly, her face full of hurt and anger, her body language telling me that she was on the verge of making a run for it. “But don’t lie to me, Drew. Not anymore.”
"Believe me, that's the last thing I want to do. I wouldn't have told you anything if I wanted to lie. I know it doesn't make sense, but I agreed to go to the party with that girl because I got scared."
“Scared? What does that even mean?”
"It means that I was really falling for you, and I knew it. It scared the shit out of me, and I thought that if I did something to fuck it up, it wouldn't be scary anymore. I was falling in love with you, and I knew it."
“What’s your point?” she asked. “I knew that I was falling in love with you too by that point. You didn’t see me running off and hooking up with some other dude.”
“I didn’t hook up with her, Jess. I swear to God I didn’t. I didn’t even talk to her again.”