I pushed open the door and climbed out of Alex’s Mustang, my thighs
still unpleasantly slippery. He pulled away from the curb almost immediately and I was sniffling and crying by the time I let myself inside.
Rebecca narrowed her eyes when she saw me. “Molly, what the hell! Why did you disappear forever?”
I gaped. “Me, disappear? Are you kidding? You’re the one who left the restaurant!”
“Because I told you not to leave me alone with him,” Rebecca said, balling her hands into fists. “You’re crying. What happened?”
I sniffled. “I don’t know. Alex…Alex told me he wanted to know how I feel about him, but there’s no way I could tell him! Not now! I don’t want to ruin this.”
Rebecca eyed me for a long time. “Well, I don’t really know what to say, Molly. You have to be honest with him if you want this to work.”
“No! It’s too scary,” I said, wiping my nose with my finger. “There’s no way I could ever tell him that I’m falling in love with him!”
Rebecca sighed and closed her eyes. “Well, it’s your decision,” she said. “I’m going to bed. I’m exhausted.”
As soon as she left the room, I burst into tears.
Chapter Eighteen
Alex
I watched Molly’s zaftig figure waddle inside, then I slammed my first against the steering wheel.
“God fucking damnit!” I yelled. “What the fucking fuck!”
Obviously, there was no answer. And I wasn’t even sure what I wanted to hear – did I want Molly to come back outside and get in my car and tell me how she felt about me? Or did I want her to shut up and just keep fucking me and sucking me until I got sick of her? I had no fucking clue how relationships actually worked. I’d never wanted one before – hell, I still wasn’t sure if I wanted one now but I didn’t want to stop seeing Molly. She was like a drug, a deadly addictive, chemically perfect, amazing, insane drug.
I barely slept that night. I tossed and turned in bed, alternately fantasizing about Molly and hating myself for not being able to articulate any of my thoughts to her. I was starting to realize that I had a pretty toxic attitude towards women. My whole life, I was used to getting what I wanted exactly when I wanted it. I’d slept with almost every woman I’d ever known, aside from my mother and Rebecca. And I’d always considered it a positive, but what if it hadn’t actually ever been a good thing? I mean, sure the sex had usually been great…or at least adequate. But I didn’t know how to talk to women because I didn’t see them as people – I only saw them as pussies, tits, and mouths.
It’s my fault, I thought, just as the sky was beginning to lighten with the first streak of dawn. I need to learn how to talk to women, then I can talk to Molly.
I didn’t even know how things were going to end with her, but I knew I didn’t want them to end right away. As soon as it was acceptable, I called and texted. She didn’t answer, and my message stayed on ‘delivered’ for hours.
I can’t believe she’s fucking with me like this, I thought angrily as I paced around my apartment. I can’t believe this fat girl who’s never even had a boyfriend is manipulating me! She’s a natural! Part of me almost admired Molly – I knew most women wouldn’t have been able to resist me. But that was why I liked her. Molly wasn’t like any other girl that I’d ever met.
Being with her was incredibly refreshing.
By noon, I’d called her six times, left four voicemails, and sent ten text messages. She hadn’t responded to any of them. I tried calling Rebecca, to ask if she could put Molly on the phone. But she didn’t pick up, either.
Finally, I got in my Mustang and drove over to my parents’ house. I didn’t normally visit without calling first, but I knew I was losing my mind. I had to talk to two of the only people who knew me in the world, or else I was really going to go crazy.
Mom was gardening when I pulled up and parked my Mustang. When she saw me, she waved and smiled.
“Hi, honey! Did I forget about something?”
I forced a laugh. “No, Mom, it’s fine. I just wanted to drop by and see you and Dad for a while.”
Mom nodded. She wiped her face with the back of her wrist, leaving a streak of dirt on her forehead. “It’s always nice to see you,” she said. “Can you stay for lunch?”
I sighed. “I’m not really hungry, but I’ll sit with you guys,” I said. “How are things?”
Mom shrugged. She put an arm around me and squeezed. She was short – she barely came up to my chest – but somehow, it was reassuring.
“They’re okay, honey, you know. Just so worried about you!” Mom clucked her tongue. “I saw that case of arson last week, that must have been terrifying.
“Nah, it was fine,” I said, lying through my teeth. “We’re tough guys, you know that.”