The One who got Away

“Come on, let’s go back to mine, we can do some homework together. Brandon will cook for you.”

“Are you just asking me this because you need some support with Zane?” Mandi asks in a disbelieving tone, giving me a look. “Because I’m happy to do it, I just want to know what my purpose is?”

I suppose in a way that was what I wanted, but now I can see that’s dumb. If I’m actually going to pull my head out of my ass and forget about Zane then I need to start now. Clinging on to something that isn’t real, is pointless. Especially when it’s a potentially hurtful secret. It’s time to let him get away.

“No, we won’t even go downstairs. We’ll hang out in my room and eat there. Just us girls.”

Mandi smiles at me, almost as if she knows what this means. I know that it doesn’t matter what I go through, she will always be there for me. She’s one of those friends I’ll have for life. I’m really lucky to have her.

We half skip all the way back, giggling girlishly, and we instantly head up into my room. I’m careful not to drop anything on the stairs this time so I don’t have any reason to come back down again, at least not after I tell Brandon that Mandi is here to eat. Thankfully he doesn’t mind that at all. He’s happy for her to be here.

Once in my room, Mandi broaches the subject once more. “You know, everything that your brother does is because he cares about you. I’m sure if you told him what’s going on with you he would be okay.”

“Oh yeah? And how would I broach that? ‘Hey, Brandon, I like your friend who’s a play boy. You’re cool with us hanging out and hooking up?’ Sure, that will go down really well. Can you imagine it?”

“Well, I don’t think I would be so blunt about it,” Mandi laughs. “But maybe in a gentler way.”

I roll my eyes and ignore her, I know that I can’t. She knows it too, deep down, she’s just trying to be kind.

“Let’s not talk about it anymore,” I insist. “Let’s just get on with some work.”

We pull our books out and scatter them across the floor, and we get to work on the bits and pieces that we have to do, but I have to admit that I don’t totally let it go. I keep one ear towards the floor, trying to listen out for Zane. I hear Brandon pottering around a lot, but it’s very quiet. He’s always by himself. Zane hasn’t turned up which is weird. He always comes around, every day pretty much. And he said that he was going to come around when I spoke to him earlier. It feels really weird. I can’t work out what it might be.

Maybe it’s a crash. That thought suddenly pops up into my brain like an unwelcome worm. What if he’s crashed his bike? What if he’s dead somewhere? I shake my head rapidly. No, don’t be stupid. He’s probably just on a date or something. With some other girl. It’s nothing to worry about.

But as I walk down the stairs to let Mandi out, he still hasn’t turned up. Out the corner of my eye I can see Brandon sitting in front of the TV screen, watching what appears to be a gangster movie. As soon as Mandi’s gone, I go to join him with a questioning look on my face.

“You all alone?” I ask him carefully. “That’s rare. What’s going on?”

“Oh, well Zane had some of his own stuff going on tonight.” He looks a little tight lipped as he says this. “And I needed to sort through some letters from colleges anyway, so it’s all good.”

“College stuff? Any news?” He shakes his head while looking down. I don’t know why he’s so worried. He’s got the best chance ever to get into wherever he wants. “Oh, well you’ll get good news soon.”

I lean back on the chair and stare blankly at the screen, wondering what’s going on. Something must have happened, and I don’t know what it might be. Much as me and Brandon have a close relationship, because it’s more like parent and child rather than brother and sister, I don’t always feel like I can speak to him about stuff. There’s a wall in the way keeping us apart, which is a real shame. I’m sure if Dad was still here then things would be very different. If I really think about it. Every aspect of my life would be different, and probably in a better way. That drunk driver didn’t just destroy my father, he took away a part of all of us on that day.

“Mandi is a good friend to you, isn’t she?” he asked me quietly, seemingly still worrying about the long forgotten trouble I had with those girls what feels like a lifetime ago now. “I like her a lot.”

“Oh, she’s the best. I don’t know what I’d do without her.”

“Yeah, same for me and Zane. He’s been my rock.”

As if I didn’t feel bad enough, now I feel utterly awful. I need to stop these feelings before they threaten the few things that I actually have left!

Chapter Four – Zane

I have an inflated sense of confidence as I stroll through the front door to my massive, cold home which most people admire even though they shouldn’t. It might look nice on the outside but it’s soul sucking on the inside. There’s no real family or warmth and that’s why I don’t like being here. I don’t know what it is, but I don’t think anything can get to me today. After that small conversation with Leah I can’t keep the smile off my face.

If she’s in a good place then Brandon will be happier too. I eventually managed to pull him out of his shell at the party last night and I want to keep him there. He deserves to feel loads of positivity.

Even though I don’t want to

, I always pop home for a few moments after school, just to keep Mom happy. When I used to avoid it for days at a time, she would worry so much and I don’t want that. Maybe we aren’t the closest of families, but I do what I can to keep her happy. I think she’s buried a lot by my dad, she doesn’t feel like she has much of a voice, and I don’t want to ignore her either. I don’t want to bury her like he does.

“Hello!” I call out in a sing song tone of voice. “Is anyone here?”

I wander from room to room, trying to find anyone, and soon I see Mom. She’s hunched over, looking stressed. As she glances up to look at me, I see a lot of myself reflected in her. She’s got the same dark hair and green eyes. I think I take after her a lot more than I do my father. I get my height from him, but that’s about it.

“Mom?” I narrow my eyes at her curiously. “Is everything okay?”