The One who got Away

My trembling fist reaches up and I go to knock on the door, but before I do, I remember that I used to live here and walking in and out was second nature to me. That time might be long gone, but it’s still a part of me. I shouldn’t have to knock to go inside. Instead, I twist the knob and I just walk in. I know that my father always has a million and one security features activated, but when he isn’t home and it’s just Mom she doesn’t bother.

Today, it’s only her that I want to talk to. I may move on to him at some point but this will take baby steps. I’ve text her and arranged to come and see her when she’s home alone so we can actually talk properly.

“Hello?” I call out, listening to my voice echo. “Mom, are you here?”

For one horrible second, I wonder if Dad has found out about us meeting and he’s done something to put a stop to it. Since he hasn’t done a damn thing to reach out to me since I left all that time ago, I have to assume that he’s still too furious because I’ve defied him and embarrassed him all at once. He must know about my bike shop, people have been talking about it, but clearly, he doesn’t care. My life means nothing to him.

I don’t even want to know how he would react to me being here without his explicit permission. It wouldn’t be a pretty sight. He’d probably be a real dick and call the cops on me for trespassing or something.

“Zane?” Mom calls back, sounding far too relaxed for Dad to be here, thank God. “I’m in the living room.”

As I walk into the room, I find her perched on the edge of the couch as if she’s feeling really uneasy. She twists her neck to look at me, and I’m struck by how wet her eyes are. Me and Dad have been so busy pushing one another around and trying to be the alpha male that we haven’t thought about what it’s doing to Mom. I made the internal decision that she’s weak and I stubbornly stuck to it for no reason at all.

“Hi, Mom.” I try to swallow back m

y guilt. “Thank you for seeing me today.”

“Oh, Zane, you don’t need to be so formal. You’re my son. You know that I’ll see you whenever I can.”

I nod slowly, letting this wash over me while I take a seat. It’s time to really man up and admit that I’ve been at fault. “I’m sorry, Mom. I know that I’ve acted like a dick. I just wanted to do what I want with my life. I guess I got so caught up in the argument with Dad that I forgot to talk to you about it all.”

A little weight lifts off my chest, one that I didn’t even know that I was carrying. It’s as if there have been rocks piled up around my heart, and by being a little bit humble, they are starting to crack.

“Zane, I know that you never wanted to do the medical course, and I tried to tell your father as much. But you know how stubborn he can be, you’re very much like him actually.” Usually, a statement like that would cause me to fly off the handle, but today I’m listening to it in a mature way. I know that really, she’s right. “He has always wanted what’s best for you and it scares him to see you throwing your life away…”

“But I’m not, Mom,” I interject to defend myself. “I’m doing quite well for myself.”

“Trust me.” A small smile creeps up onto her lips. “I know, I’ve heard. And I can see that this is what you want. I know that you’re doing what you want to do and I’m sure it’s making you happy. Your father… he just sees success as money. That’s always been his way, and that’s because he came from nothing.”

“He did?” This is something that I haven’t heard before. To be honest, I’ve never really thought about it.

“Oh yes. One of his siblings actually died because his family didn’t have health insurance and they couldn’t afford medical treatment. His older brother, Edward. He always tells me that was the day that he decided to make a better life for himself. His family too, he always sends them money to keep them afloat.”

I’m blown away. I can start to see both of my parents in a different light. Dad has always carried this burden on his shoulders and that’s why he’s pushed me so hard. That’s probably why he persuaded me into the medical field myself. And Mom isn’t weak. She has enough inner strength to take all of this information on, and to deal with two very stubborn men. Maybe I should’ve asked before ploughing forward with my own assumptions.

“Oh, wow, I didn’t know that,” I confess, shock obvious in my voice. “That’s… well, I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry, I always just got so wrapped up in what I wanted to do, I didn’t think about it.”

Mom leans forwards and she takes my hands in hers. “Your dad might not show it, but he is proud of you. He talks to me about what you’ve done all the time, and he’s really impressed.”

“He is?” I can’t help asking, this is all so overwhelming. “Are you serious?”

Mom purses her lips thoughtfully. “You know, your father has a trust fund for you and he’s just waiting for the right moment to give you access to it. He just said to me last week after he came to see your store…”

“What?” I interrupt with shock. “I didn’t see him.”

Mom looks amused by this. “No, I think not. I’m sure that he hid from you because he’s stubborn, remember? He will have justified it to himself, saying that you don’t want to see him either. Anyway, he did come to see it, and he said that it looks really good. He told me that when you come home and want to make up, you can have it. He wants to give you the best start in life and now he knows that he can make sure that happens.”

“Trust fund?” I’ve honestly never cared for money, this is all so strange. “Are you serious?”

“Yes, I am. And if you spend it right, it’ll set you up for life, with your business and with your home.” She pauses for dramatic effect. “Because there’s just over one million dollars in it.”

One million dollars… woah. That status almost blows me away completely. It’s a life changing sum that could actually change everything for me. I could grow my business so much faster, I could become something real, but there’s no way I could accept it without seeing my father first. I suppose I need to make it right.

“Wow, that’s… I don’t know what to say, Mom. That’s too much. It’s crazy.”

“Your father doesn’t want you to struggle. He wants you to be happy and comfortable. He just doesn’t want you to waste it that’s all. That’s the only reason it’s taken so long.”

I nod slowly, allowing my body to process that. Much as it’s been great to work things alone and to be self-sufficient, I would have to be an idiot to turn down all that money.