The One who got Away

“Why?”

“I needed to hash all of this crap out with him,” she explained. “For you and for the baby. I don’t want to bring this child into a family that can’t even be in the same room during holidays. I needed to explain to him what really happened. We never had that conversation after he left, and it's important. It kind of helps break that tie that is there when you’re married to someone.”

“I understand all of that,” I said, sighing. “What I don’t understand is why it was so important that you had to rush over there tonight to do it. Jordan wasn’t going anywhere, regardless of whether he quit or not. I just don’t understand why he is so important to you.”

She sat there for a minute, looking at me like I was crazy. I thought that was a pretty straightforward question, but apparently, it was the wrong one. I took in a deep breath and braced myself for her answer.

“Because I wanted this shit figured out right now, not tomorrow, not six months from now, right now,” she said angrily.

“I understand,” I said. “But it still bothers me.”

“Look,” she said standing up and pulling on her jacket. “I don’t know what the hell you want. Would you rather sit around and let this go on and on forever? You know that isn’t going to work, and it's only going to continue to push us further apart.”

“Tiffany, I only mean—”

“I know what you mean,” she said interrupting me. “Think long and hard about us, your life, our family, and this baby. You need to understand what you want before you go getting angry at me for trying to fix this giant mess.”

She stomped across the apartment, buttoning up her coat. She walked down the steps and out the front door, slamming it behind her. I walked over to the window and watched as she hailed a cab, climbing inside and taking off down

the street. She was so angry, but I didn’t understand why. Everything was going to work itself out in the end. I knew it, but I didn’t need to picture the woman carrying my baby rushing over to her ex-husband's house to make things right with him when she left me sitting in the office reeling after she and I got into it. I felt like I was being chosen last for the game, and I didn’t like it at all.

I walked over and sat down on the couch, left alone again, but stunned at what just happened. My mind was going crazy thinking about what she said before she left. I knew what I wanted. I had always known what I wanted, and it was her. I had spent years pining over Tiffany, even when I didn’t consciously realize I was doing it. Then, after all that time, I had finally gotten her in my arms and to make matters even more exciting, we were expecting a baby together. She was the girl of my dreams and always had been. I had just gotten her, and now I was sitting alone in my house terrified that I was about to lose her, and I really didn’t understand why. I knew it was important to her to hash all of this out, but it had only been a day since my brother and I had duked it out in the parking garage at work. Now, I was faced with the idea that I could lose her and my brother at the same time. This was not at all what I thought of when I pictured myself taking time to really let my mind rest tonight. I should be curled up in bed with Tiffany, not watching her run from my house, wondering if I’ll ever see her again. Either way, I loved that woman, and I wanted to be with her and my child, and I was not going to let anyone take that away.

I walked over and pulled my phone from my bag, looking at the calls I had missed. They were all from Tiffany and all while she was probably on her way over to my house. I flipped through my phone and pressed call. I needed to talk to Jordan, really work this out if it were at all possible. I completely expected to get the voicemail, but was really surprised when he picked up after the first ring. The first few seconds of the conversation was awkward, so I cut through the bullshit and just started talking.

“Look, man,” I said with a sigh. “I love you. You are my brother. I never meant to hurt you with this whole Tiffany business. I never planned to fall in love with her. I never planned to start a family with her. In the beginning, I was simply checking up on her because I knew what she was going through was probably fucking hard and painful, and we were the only family she knew. I didn’t even see it coming.”

“Jason,” he said cutting in. “I know. Take a deep breath. Look, I’m not saying this is always going to be easy for me, especially at the beginning, but I don’t want to lose you or Tiffany in my life. Both of you are extremely important to me. I am not trying to get Tiffany back. I realized that we were definitely not meant to be. It was extremely obvious when neither one of us fought even in the slightest to save our marriage.”

“Will you come back to work?”

“Yeah,” he said chuckling. “I already called Dad. One day off was enough for me. I didn’t know what to do with myself, so I went through the apartment and started taking pictures down. I only got halfway through before giving in and calling Dad. I told him that we would be okay. To be honest, I didn’t really know if we would be, but now that we’ve talked, I’m looking forward to coming back and working with you. I just ask that when you guys want to go announcing huge life events, maybe you could pull me aside and tell me in private first, that way the shock value is lessened.”

“That’s fair,” I replied. “And I just ask you try to refrain from cussing Tiffany out.”

“I promise,” he chuckled. “Thanks for taking the step and calling brother.”

“Absolutely,” I responded.

“Oh, and Jason?”

“Yeah?”

“You hit like a girl.”

I laughed loudly as we hung up the phone, sitting back on the couch and closing my eyes. I felt better knowing my brother and I didn’t have to be at odds anymore, at least over all this crap. Tiffany was right. It needed to be handled, and the longer we waited, the worse it got. I also was relieved knowing that this would help patch things up between Tiffany and me. I really hoped that she could see just how important she was to me. I felt a lot better thinking about the next course of action between us, and I was pretty sure that now I could feel comfortable knowing I wasn’t going to completely lose her. I needed to stop being so stubborn though because I was only hurting myself.

I thought about texting Tiffany and asking her to come back or showing up at her place, but after the state she was in when she had left, I thought maybe it would be better to leave her alone with her thoughts. If I knew her like I thought I did, as soon as she got home, she probably passed out in her bed, exhausted from the day she had gone through. Her hormones were all crazy from the pregnancy, she was going through some seriously crazy stuff, and she had been all over the city in one day trying to fix everything in her life. I had to hand it to her, she knew how to solve a problem, and it wasn’t by sitting back and letting it take its own course. I was pretty sure if she hadn’t done that, it would have been a nightmare to work with Jordan when he came back, and I knew my father was not going to put up with any more bullshit like the other night. It was important to him that we work things out, but he was going to let us do that. Tiffany was the light that had brought us together.

I may not be calling her tonight, but I was anxious to see her face in the morning, hoping that she had calmed down.

Chapter 32

Tiffany

Sitting at my desk tapping my foot and waiting to understand what was going on was not going to cut it for the rest of the day. I could see Jason sitting at his desk across the hall, but we hadn’t even greeted each other yet. I watched him pass by Jordan when I first came in, tapping him on the shoulder and smiling. It looked like they had finally worked things out, which made me feel a lot better. Still, we hadn’t hashed anything out yet, and it left an empty feeling in my chest. What if he had decided that family was more important? What if I was sitting here like an idiot thinking we would work everything out between us, and he was sitting there completely done with us? I was overthinking things as usual, and my hormones were playing some serious games with my emotions. I took in a deep breath, trying to calm myself, but every time I looked across the hall at Jason, my nerves hit me all over again. I knew the best thing for me to do would be to focus on getting these files out, and then I could decide what my next course of action was. Maybe by then, he would look more interested in having a conversation with me.

I opened the files and began to work, forcing myself to not look up, even when it felt like he was looking over at me. I stared relentlessly at the messenger and then down at my phone, wondering why he wasn’t even trying to start the conversation. I shook my head, trying to force myself to focus, wanting nothing more than to hear his voice in my doorway. When I was done with the files, I walked them down the hall to John’s office and placed them in the box on his secretary’s desk. I really didn’t want to face John today, knowing he knew what all the trouble was over, and I had been at the center of it. I could feel the eyes of the other people in the office burrowing into my neck as I walked. Instead of music playing from the speakers, I could hear the low whispers of my peers as I moved quickly back toward my office. I hated the fact that people were still talking about me like my life was some television show. I didn’t give a damn what they thought about me personally, but it was really starting to take a toll on me, constantly having people give me pity smiles or nasty looks. I felt like pulling up a chair and just screaming the story to everyone in the office so the stupid rumors could stop. I had heard everything from me having a secret lover and the child not being Jason’s or Jordan’s to the reason I got divorced was that I had always been secretly in love with his brother. It was insane that these people didn’t have anything better to do with their time.