The One who got Away

I feel like all the breath has been zapped from my body, my lungs squeeze so tight it leaves my brain foggy and spinning. Is she serious? She might be taking another job? She’s dragged me into this club scene just before she’s about to leave me? Maybe she didn’t know it would turn out this way, but a heads up would have been nice.

“Wow, that’s something else,” I rasp while clutching onto my chest. “What does that mean? What will happen?”

“Well...” Jenny takes a seat and she gives me a thoughtful look. I can tell by her expression that she hasn’t really thought about the practical element of this at all. “I guess I’ll be spending most of the year on the ship if I get the job. Ten months out of the year I guess. I’m sure that’s what it said on the application anyway. I suppose I might as well spend the time I’m not on the ship at my parents...”

That’s what I feared. She means she’ll be moving out of the apartment if she gets the job. There’s no way I’ll be able to afford this place on my own, even with the new job. The idea of applying for new roommates makes me feel sick to my stomach... not that it’s about me at the moment.

“Oh well, sure. No point in paying rent on a place you aren’t living in.” I plaster the biggest smile on my face that I can manage. “That’s awesome, I really hope that you get it.”

“You do?” Jenny gives me a bit of a regretful look which makes me feel awesome. This is clearly something that she desperately wants. The last thing I want to do is take it away from her.

“Of course I do.” I grab her hands and give her a grin. “You deserve this, you really do. I hope you get it.”

“It does mean that I can’t come into work tonight though. I can’t be out until four in the morning and then up for a nine AM interview.”

“Oh yeah, of course. Did you want me to tell the boss?”

“No, no, I’ll ring in. It just means you’ll have to go there alone.”

Oh God. I don’t know if I’m prepared for this. Jumping in the deep end without a net to catch me, that isn’t a good feeling at all. I mean, I suppose it isn’t that bad since I’ve already done one shift, but the idea still scares the living hell out of me. Still, I have to support Jenny, I have to be a good friend. Even if her plan leaves me in the shit, I still want to be there for me.

“I don’t mind that, I can go there by myself, it’s only a short walk.”

Jenny pulls me in for a hug. “You’re a great friend, I really do appreciate you.”

The sense that everything is changing in a terrifying way overwhelms me and I can feel tears stinging my eyes. All the excitement that was inside me only moments ago when I thought about Ben is long gone, now I’m just scared. I feel like the anchor has been yanked out from underneath me and I’m about to float around aimlessly.

“Right.” I pull back and pat her on the arms, trying to hide my almost tears. “You go and get some rest, get yourself ready for the big day tomorrow. I have work to do.”

Once we say our goodbyes and I make my way out the door, I gulp down the thick ball of emotion that lodges itself firmly in my throat. I haven’t been in the big city without Jenny, and I didn’t think I’d ever have to be. Maybe that just shows off my naivety. Of course people move on with their lives, no one will stick around just for me. I don’t even expect them too.

“Hey, Summer,” one of the other girls calls out as I walk through the door to the club. “Glad to see you back again.”

“Erm, it’s Serena, actually...” I reply, but I don’t even think she’s listening.

As the girls stand around plastering more make up and fake tan on their bodies, it becomes even more acutely obvious how different I am from them all. I’m happy to be pale and natural. I have a little make up on my eyes but that’s it. I’ve run a brush through my hair, but I haven’t styled it like these lot. I just don’t think I can do it without Jenny. If she gets the job, I might have to leave the job as well as the apartment. I might have to go back home after all...

“Jenny is sick, huh?” the boss, who’s name I’m not even sure of, demands. His tall, muscular stature makes him a little overbearing and terrifying. “What’s wrong with her.”

Obviously she’s lied, I need to keep up with that, just in case. I have confidence in her that she’ll succeed at her interview, but she’ll need this as a back up just in case. “Oh yeah, I don’t know exactly.” Are my cheeks going red? Am I giving the game away without even meaning too? “She’s just been throwing up all day long.”

“Not pregnant, is she?” he replies in a gruff, uncaring manner. “Can’t have her here if she’s pregnant. Health and safety and all that.”

Oh well that’s just lovely, isn’t it? What a nice man. “No,” I say firmly. “She isn’t pregnant.”

“Good. Don’t want to be worrying about that again.”

As he walks off I screw my nose up in disgust. Aren’t there laws protecting pregnant women? I’m sure there are ways that people are supposed to behave, but that seems to have escaped the notice of CeeLow. Urgh, I need to get out of here.

I turn on my heels and stalk into the bathroom to grab a moment alone before I have to start this shift. I don’t want to do it, I want to walk out now and call the temp agency to have them get me some more work instead, but the image of the massive bundles of cash keeps filling my mind and it drags me forward even if I’m resistant. Now more than ever I need some money, nothing else will keep me going.

Once inside I lock myself in a cubicle and I put my head between my legs to keep my breathing steady. I don’t like this lack of control, it’s terrifying. The fact that my fate lies in the hands of someone else, and I won’t discover the truth until after Jenny, is scary. I don’t know how I’m supposed to keep my head on my shoulders tonight.

Right, it’s time, I finally decide with a glance at my watch. Time to get to it. Just get through this shift and then wor

ry about everything else later...

I push myself off the toilet and I make my way through the doors. Luckily because I’m so different I blend into the background so no one turns to look at me. That gives me a moment to pull myself together which is good because the first clients are through the door in a second. People seem to be really keen about this place, there’s something very attractive to the rich.