“Oh God, Ben,” she gasps into my mouth once she’s done. “That was amazing. How the hell am I supposed to go back to work now, after that?”
I pull my hand away from her and allow her to adjust herself. My chest swells, the words fill me, I can feel them trying to burst free. I need to say it. I can’t keep it in anymore, it’s almost too much for me.
“I love you.” The fall out of my mouth rapidly.
Serena’s head snaps towards me, her eyes are wide and terrified. For a moment I fear I might have said the wrong thing completely. I don’t want to freak her out with my feelings. But then her lips part and she finally speaks.
“You... you love me?” she stammers. I nod, trying to look more confident than I really feel. Now that she doesn’t look sure, I’m not too sure myself. “You know that I love you too, right?” She hooks her hands around my neck and places a kiss on my lips. “I never thought that I would say those words to anyone, but I do love you.”
Relief floods me and the bond between me and Serena tightens. As I hold her, the love flows between us. We love each other now, we’ve survived Marie, the worst thing that could ever happen to us, and we’ve got through it.
It can only be up and up from here.
“I hate that you have to go back to work now,” I tell her sadly. “All I want to do is scoop you up into my arms and to hold you tight to me. But I know you have to, Tia needs you and of course you like your job. I suppose I’ll just have to wait until you finish until I can get you into bed.”
There are stars in Serena’s eyes, she looks happier than I’ve ever seen her before which makes me just as pleased. All I want is to make her happy. I don’t think that sensation will ever subside.
“You don’t have to stay, you know?” she says while swinging my hands. The passion has transformed to romance in a heart beat which I surprisingly really like. “I don’t expect you to.”
“I know, but I’m going to. I like to watch you work. I love you.” I wonder if I’ll ever get tired of saying it. I don’t think I will.
“I love you too.” And hearing it is just as good. My ears want those words, all the damn time. I no longer have to worry that we’re moving to fast, it doesn’t matter what the rest of the world thinks now. Me and Serena are in love and we’re moving at exactly the right pace for us.
Chapter Eighteen – Serena
“Are you okay?” Tia asks me cautiously for what feels like the hundredth time. “You don’t look great, Serena.”
“So you’ve told me,” I grumble back. My hand rubs my aching stomach and I gulp, trying to keep the sickness inside. “I don’t know really. I’m sort of okay. I mean, I don’t think I’m sick enough not to be at work, but I definitely don’t feel like myself.”
“You’re, like, nauseous?” Tia rubs my arm gently. “And a little dizzy? Your stomach hurts too?”
“Yeah I guess so.” I shrug. “Why is there something going around?”
“Go home,” she insists quickly. “I’ll get Brian to cover your shift. He’s been begging for overtime anyway. I think what you need to do is go home, rest, and think.”
“Why? What’s wrong with me?” Her urgent tone makes me panic. I suddenly fear that there’s some alien virus that’s racing through my body too fast for me to stop it. “Do I need to see a doctor?”
“Maybe.” She steps in closer to me and whispers into my ear so no one else can hear me. “But on your way home I think you might want to stop off at the drug store. You might need to pick up a pregnancy test... just to be sure.”
“No,” I shoot back immediately. Denial fills my body completely. “There’s no way I can be...” My words trail off when I realise that me and Ben have been stupid in a lot of ways. We haven’t always used protection, sometimes... okay, a lot of the time, in the heat of the moment we forget. I cringe, realising that I should have always insisted on it. What sort of woman doesn’t insist on protecting herself?
My hand falls away from my belly as I realise that I might just be holding a baby in there... one I didn’t recognise before. Is it possible that there might be an actual human life inside of me? How could I not know? Surely I should know?
“Oh my God, Tia,” I gasp. “What if I’m pregnant?”
“You might not be,” she retracts a little once she sees how freaked out I am. “But I think you should do a test, just to rule out the possibility.”
I give her a desperate look, wishing that she could just have all the answers for me. I don’t like this unknown, it’s utterly terrifying, my head is all over the place and I guess it will be until I get the truth. “Are you sure Brian will come in?”
Tia nods. “Just go, Serena. Go and find out for sure.”
As I head into the back room to grab my coat and bag I see that my hand is shaking. I’m so nervous, it’s probably a good thing that Ben isn’t here tonight. He had some big business meeting which I’m so grateful for. There’s no way I’d be able to deal with all of this with him here. It’d be too much.
Oh God, Ben... how will he take the news?
I shake my head, refusing to get stuck on that thought until I know for sure. There’s just no way I can get lost down that rabbit hole of thought until I’ve seen that positive pregnancy test. All of this worry could be for nothing. There’s a big chance that I’m just sick, that it’s nothing more.
But somehow, I feel like I know...