The doctor smiles down at me one more time and I try to match her expression but all I can really focus on is the fact that Ben isn’t here. He should be, but he’s not. He’s missing out on one of the biggest moments in his baby’s life.
Maybe he’s never going to be around.
“The heart beat is strong,” the doctor mumbles as she rubs the machine across me. A black and white grainy image pops up, but I can’t yet see anything that resembles a baby. “Really strong. Actually that might be a bit erratic...”
I tune her out as she speaks and just watch the screen fascinated. Ben flows from my mind as well, if he cannot be bothered to be here then that truly is his own problem. If he isn’t interested in this wonderful miracle of life that he’s created, then that’s up to him. Right now, all I care about is the gorgeous little being inside of me.
There’s a stirring and lots of shapes but nothing I can quite make out. Still I stare at the screen as if it’s the most amazing thing in the world. It’s my insides, how weird is that? It’s a part of me that I never thought I would see and although I can’t quite tell what it is, it hardly matters now.
“Yep, just as I suspected.” All of a sudden, the doctor pulls me from my thoughts. “There are two babies in there.”
“T... two?” I stammer awkwardly. “What do you mean, two?”
“Twins.” She says this in such a matter of fact tone that it makes my heart stop dead in my chest. “Are there any twins in your family? It usually runs through.”
“I don’t think so.” I shake my head. If there were I would know about it.
“And what about the father of the babies? Does he?”
It hits me how little we know about each other. Of all the awful things that Ben said to me, that’s the one that’s stuck. We don’t know anything really, we just got stuck in a bubble We told each other little things and convinced ourselves that we were opening up.
What me and Ben had was a sham.
“I’m not sure,” I admit. “Are they identical?”
“Again that’s something we don’t know at this stage, so I can’t tell you that I’m afraid.” I think she can tell by the look on my face that I’m not quite okay with this. “Would you like me to give you some literature so you can read through it? Get more used to the idea of having twins. The pregnancy will be different and so will the birth. It might be better to be well informed.”
“Yes please,” I gasp back. “Thank you.”
What do I do now? Do I tell Ben? On the one hand if he doesn’t want one baby he definitely won’t want two, but if I keep it from him am I the bad person? I want to let him know everything so I can’t be blamed for everything, but this is heavy. I just don’t know.
I take the information from the doctor and thank her in a blur. Then I stagger out of the hospital in a real state of shock. I suppose if I’m going to tell Ben then I need to do it now. Before all sensibilities kick in and I absolutely lose it.
Twins... that changes everything. Now I really need to get myself in order. There’s no more waiting around now. I have to do something drastic and quickly.
Chapter Twenty One – Ben
“Dude, your phone has been ringing for hours,” Kyle slurs drunkenly at me over the music. “Are you going to answer it or can you turn it off already?”
I don’t know why I’m out with Kyle actually, I’ve realised that I don’t really like him much, but he’s one of the clients that’s stuck around so I have to treat him right. I want to get out anyway, aside from working all I want to do is party and have fun at the moment. I need to forget the weird little new life that I created for myself, the one that ended in utter disaster. I need to get back to just being me. This is what I do, drinking, dancing, fucking around... this is more me. It’s good to have that side of me back. Or at least some of it.
“Oh, it’s Mom,” I slur back as I stand up. “I better give her a call back.”
Kyle barely pays any attention to me, he’s too busy trying to get into the pants of the bar maid who’s much too young for him and definitely not interested, so I leave without saying anything more. He barely needs me with him to be honest, I don’
t know why I came.
I pick up as soon as I get outside into the fresh air and a bit of silence, but I don’t even manage to say anything before she starts of on a rant that must have been building for hours.
“Ben, what the hell is going on with you? I’ve been trying to ring you for two days.”
“Been busy,” I shoot back in a pathetic, snappy tone. “You know how it is.”
“Busy? Sounds like you’re out drinking to me. What is going on with you?”
“Nothing, Mom. I’m just focusing on getting the business back on track. Things slid for a while because I was distracted but it’s all good now. I’m only out now because I’m entertaining a client.” Why I feel the need to explain myself I’ll never know. That’s just the effect that Mom has on me. “It’s all good, Mom. You don’t need to worry about me.”
“The business.” She sounds resigned. “And how does Serena feel about you spending all your time working and drinking again? I’m sure she’s very pleased. And when will I get to meet her? You promised me that I would soon but I’ve got nothing from you.”