The One who got Away

“Stop saying sorry. Go and get a nurse. I definitely need a nurse now. Or a doctor, or someone.”

Practical help, now that’s something I can definitely do. “Right, yes, I’ll go right now.”

I push open the door and tear off down the hallway at a million miles an hour. I think I might even rush past Jenny at some point but I’m not sure because I’m not really looking. My heart thunders painfully in my chest, I can hear it beating in my ears, and there’s a tight knot of anxiety that’s bundled up in my stomach. A cold snake glides through my organs, making me shiver sporadically every so often.

Thank God I’ve sorted myself out for this moment, thank goodness Mom told me the truth about Dad and she made me see sense about the way that my life was going. Serena and the twins deserve so much more than the person I was before. I’m just so glad that I’m not a mess anymore. Not the drunken, sodden idiot that I was not so long ago.

“Nurse!” I cry out as soon as I spot someone. “I need help. My...” I can’t say girlfriend, she isn’t really any girlfriend of mine at the moment. “The mother of my children is struggling. We need help.”

The nurse nods and agrees to come with me, and while I wait a moment for her to finish what she’s doing, I pull out my cell phone and I fire off a text to my mom. After all the hell that she’s put herself through in the last few months just to get me back on track, she deserves to know that I’m at the hospital and that my babies are being born. Finally I might have something to make her proud of me.

‘Mom, Serena finally called me back, she’s in labour, I’m at the hospital now. I’ll send you a picture once they are born.’

Then I glance upwards and I smile at the universe. It’s time, I’m finally about to become a father. I didn’t even know this was a dream of mine, but now that it’s about to come true I’m so damn excited...

***

“I cannot believe these babies belong to us,” I say again to Serena as another burst of intense love washes over me. It’s a boundless, endless love that I didn’t know I was even capable of. “These babies. We made them.”

“I made them,” Serena says with a giggle. “You didn’t really do anything to be honest.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right about that one.” I glance over to her and smile brightly as I drink her blissful, peaceful face in. She’s been through a very hard labour, it was longer and more difficult on her body than I ever thought it could be, but she was extremely brave throughout. I am so proud of her. “I didn’t do anything, but I’m so grateful to you for everything that you’ve done.”

I want to reach down and hold her hand, but I have my baby boy in my arms, and Serena has hold of our brand new baby girl. Oddly enough, right now, my daughter looks like me and my son looks like Serena. It’s lovely, they’re an adorable mix of both of us.

“I’m glad that you’re here now,” she replies thickly. “I know it hasn’t been an easy few months but I’m glad you’ve come.”

“Oh my God, I’m so grateful that you’ve called. After everything I did I didn’t deserve that phone call, but I’m glad...”

“Is it true that you’ve been cleaning yourself up? And that you’ve spoken to Tia about it?”

My heart sinks, my hanging out with Tia just to get a little bit of closeness to Serena, despite the fact that the girls don’t really hang out anymore, is supposed to be a secret. I told her not to tell anyone that she was sort of my therapist

for a while, but it seems that nothing can be sacred.

“Oh right, yeah. I suppose so. I just...” I shrug. “I don’t know, it hasn’t been easy without you.”

She gives me a smile and glances at the gorgeous bundle of joy in my arms. “So, what are we going to call them? We need to have names?”

“Have you not spent the last few months thinking of names? I assumed you’d already have something picked out.” After everything that I’ve done, I know I don’t have any rights to get to name the babies. I’d like to, but it doesn’t mean I get to.

“No. I never found out what I was having.” Serena snuggles her nose against my little girl. “I wanted it to be a surprise. I guess I never thought I would be having one of each.”

“So what do you like?”

“Brandon,” she suggests. “Do you like that?”

I glance down at my boy and immediately see that the name fits. “I love it,” I tell her. “It suits him so much. Brandon. Awesome.” I look over at my daughter. “And what about Rose, for her?”

As Serena’s face breaks into a smile I can see that I’ve hit the nail on the head. She loves Rose for our little girl just as much as I do. Brandon and Rose, our little twins, the future of me and Serena.

“So... erm, what are you going to do now? I don’t know if I have much right to ask, but I do need to know all the same. “Like, when you get out the hospital, I mean? Do you have somewhere to live?”

“I do...” She nods slowly. “But it’s with Jenny. I don’t know how keen she is to have two babies living with us to be honest. She hasn’t said anything, but I don’t think I’d much like it if I were her. Now that she’s a dancer, she’s out all hours too, so it probably won’t work... maybe I should have thought about this before the birth, huh?”

My heart soars, I feel my spirits lift high. I know I’m about to overstep the boundary before I even say it but I can’t speak. Somehow, I can’t seem to stop myself. “You know you could still move in with me?” The words sound strained, Serena is bound to hear the pressure that I’m putting on myself. “You’re room is still there, exactly as you left it. There’s plenty of room for the twins...”

“But I don’t think that’s a good idea, do you?” Serena cocks her head at me. “It didn’t exactly work out last time, did it?”