The One who got Away

Jenny sits by my bed and she takes my hands. “So what happens now? I know we haven’t discussed it much, but have you thought about it? It won’t be easy in our apartment with two babies.”

“I know, and I hope you don’t mind, but I really don’t think it’s possible.” My face flames, I feel terrible. “I think it might be best if I move out.”

“Where will you go?”

“Well, Ben just asked me to move back in with him...”

“Oh thank goodness.” Jenny’s head falls forward with relief. “I mean, I would have helped you, you know that much, but I don’t know if our friendship would have survived it. This isn’t just one crying, pooping baby, this is two. That’s too much to ask of anyone. I’m not a saint!”

Thank goodness. I’m so happy she isn’t upset that I’m moving out. The last thing I want is to lose Jenny right now. She’s been such an awesome friend to me, I don’t know what I’d do without her.

“So you aren’t mad?”

“Mad? Pfft no. With these music video gigs and I can easily afford the place on my own and I think you and the babies both need Ben as well.”

“Yeah, I think you might be right about that one.” I smile to myself. “It seems that he really is different now. I think he might actually have changed.”

“Well that’s good, but I will keep your room open just in case. I don’t want you to stay with him just because you don’t have any other options, okay?”

“Thank you, Jenny.”

“And if it helps, I’ll help Ben move your stuff out of ours and into his before you get out of the hospital, make sure you have nothing to do.”

To stop myself from weeping with emotion, I make a joke. “You mean apart from looking after two adorable babies that is.”

“Oh yeah, there is that.” She pats me playfully on the arm and she raises her eyebrows. “Good luck with that by the way.”

“Thanks... I think I’m going to need it.”

I’m scared, but happy too. The happiest I’ve ever been. It isn’t a traditional family, like my parents would like for me, but it’s mine, and I feel so very lucky. It might not be the way anyone else has it, but I really do have it all. Finally, I have it made.

Chapter Twenty Seven – Ben

Everything in the house feels wrong. I’ve tried to baby proof it as much as possible, even though everyone has told me that it’s much too soon, but it still doesn’t feel like enough. I have the cribs, the prams, the endless supplies of diapers and baby clothes littering almost every surface, but it feels too much like a bachelor pad than anything else.

“Shit, what do I need to do?” I scan my eyes everywhere, looking for whatever I’m missing, but I just can’t find it right away. My brain isn’t quite switched on yet. “What am I missing?”

Maybe I should have gone with Mom to the hospital to pick Serena, Brandon, and Rose up, but I wanted to get everything right and now I’m absolutely agonising over every tiny detail. I just want it to be perfect, I just want them all to have a happy home to come back to. I want them to have a home suitable for the babies, and for Serena. Unfortunately I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. I don’t know the first thing about babies.

“Honey, we’re here!” Mom yells through the door. “Are you alright?”

“Erm, yeah, I think so.” I race into the hallway quickly and still in a state of panic. “Hold on, let me come and help you with all the stuff.”

Behind Mom stands a vision of beauty. Serena, with her long dark hair falling down her back, with her sparkling eyes glinting, and my baby boy in her arms. A bright smile spreads across my face, I can feel my heart hammering against my rib cage, my breaths ragged, my stomach soaring with happiness.

I grab a load of bags and bring them all into the living room. Once there, Mom rests Rose in a Moses basket I have in the front room for nap time and Serena does the same with Brandon. I’m sure these moments of them both being asleep will be far and few between so I’m going to just enjoy this one.

“The car gets them to sleep,” Serena tells me with a smirk. “That might be something we need to remember for when things get desperate.”

“I’m going to get the kettle on. I think we all need a hot drink, am I right?” Mom moves into the kitchen tactfully, allowing me to enjoy this moment even more.

I move closer to Serena and I wrap my arms around her. As she falls into my embrace I feel ecstatic, like I could explode. This is the best sensation in the world, and although I’m acutely aware of all the horrors that happened during the months we missed, they melt away as her body moulds into mine. It seems that after everything, we really can start again.

I put a finger under her chin and I tilt her head up to look at me. I delve headfirst into her gaze and swim around in all the emotions. Then I take that one step forward and I move my lips into hers with anticipation filling my veins. This will be the very first time that I’ve kissed her ever since things fell apart and I cannot wait for that moment. The chemistry is still there, thick and strong between us, I know that things will be good between us again and I cannot wait for that to get started.

But just as our lips merely brush against one another, Rose breaks out into the loudest, most horrific scream that I’ve heard from her yet.

“I suppose we should get used to that,” Serena chuckles against my lips. “I guess it’s going to be a really long time before we have any time alone together.”