“Well, if he is the same man in the afterlife that he is in this one,” I said. “I would not be surprised in the least.”
I looked down at the bathing suit I was folding and began to think about Mr. Landers when he took care of me as a child. It was weird. I was spending so much time making sure that Nathan was doing okay, I hadn’t even stopped for two seconds to think about if I was okay. When Noah died, it will be the last piece of family connection I have, and my fond memories will be all jumbled up with the most recent ones.
I didn’t want to think about death. It made me uneasy, especially since I had dealt with so much of it over the years. This would be the fourth parent figure I lost, which was way too many for any twenty-three-year-old woman to deal with. I turned as I heard Nathan’s footsteps coming down the stairs. He smiled at me as he walked forward and kissed my lips, rubbing my arms up and down with his hands.
“I am having dinner with my father tonight,” he said. “Would you like to join?”
“Do you want me there?”
“Of course,” he said, chuckling. “I want you by my side always. You are my wife, and I love you very much. You should be just as much part of this as I am, especially since I know you have a special place in your heart for my father.”
“Then, of course, I will come.” I smiled, kissing him on the cheek.
We went through the rest of the day folding, clamping, and hanging the suits on the shelves. Maria and I were like speed demons when it came to getting things done, so we were more than happy that Nathan came down and wanted to help. When we were done, we stepped back and looked at our handiwork. The place actually looked like a real store, and it sent excitement bubbling all over my body. Just a few more touches like the art mural and the rugs, and this place will be ready to go for Christmas holiday shoppers. Nathan walked up behind me and kissed me on the forehead, signaling it was time to go so we could get ready. Maria agreed that she was done for the day so we all rode back in Nathan’s car. It was starting to be that exciting time in San Diego where lights were going up for the holidays and Hawaiian shirt-clad Santa Claus’s could be seen on every corner.
When we got to the house, we changed into our fine dining clothing and headed out for the restaurant. When we arrived, Noah was already sitting at the table, sipping his glass of water. He looked even more frail and ill than he did the other day, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he was going to make it long enough to see his company rise or fall.
The dinner felt awkward, and everyone sat around the table in silence, picking at our personal appetizers and sipping our drinks. Nathan ordered a double whiskey on the rocks, and I got a martini, while Mr. Landers stuck with his water. I wanted to ask him if he was on any kind of treatment, but I knew it was none of my business, and I didn’t want to upset him or the situation any more than it already was. Nathan reached down and squeezed my hand as he sat up straight and cleared his throat.
“For many, many years,” Nathan began. “As far back as I can remember, running your company and bringing it to greater heights was my dream. As a young boy, I would sit back and imagine what it would be like to be as good in business as you were. And in the end, I found that it was very lonely. I had big dreams for the company, but dreams change, and so do people. I’ve grown so much over the last year. You would be proud of everything I have accomplished. I’ve learned how to take a deep breath and realized that I am way happier without the weight of that company on my shoulders. With that weight gone, I have been able to put my talents in other areas, and my wife, Ronni, and I have been busy working on building our own empire. The things we have been able to do with our combined knowledge have been leaps and bounds above what I expected, and we still don’t wake up in the morning feeling stressed and lonely. So, for those reasons, I want to respectfully decline your offer for me to take back over the business.”
Nathan took a drink of his whiskey and watched as his father’s face hardened. As Mr. Landers opened his mouth to protest Nathan’s lack of interest in saving the company, Nathan put his hand up and shook his head. He swallowed his whiskey hard and smiled at the waitress as she set his food down in front of him.
“I’m not done,” he said, wincing at the after bite from the liquor. “I don’t understand why you are so obsessed with keeping the company busy. It can’t be for the money. You are dying, Nick is running from federal prison, and I have my own money. Don’t you have enough money? Your bank accounts and investments total so much that you could live six lifetimes and still not run out. Is it about the power? If so, that would be a change, because until now you didn’t want the power. You were the guy sitting back and just letting things go with the flow. You trusted me to do the right thing, but I didn’t even realize what the right thing was until last night. While you are over there still striving for more, pushing for a better company, a stronger bottom line, and a company that will stand the test of time, everyone else is moving on with their lives. Wouldn’t it be better to let this go in its glory and tr
y to enjoy the time you have left, without the stress of a company and legacy? None of those things will be worth shit when you aren’t there to enjoy them.”
Nathan stopped and took another drink of his whiskey. Mr. Landers sat in his chair, staring down at his food. His face did not portray anger, but instead, showed a deep sadness I hadn’t seen in years. He had clung to that company because it was built with Mrs. Landers at his side. It was their idea and their hard work that pushed the company to greatness in the first place. I realized that this never actually had anything to do with money or legacy. It had to do with grief and the inability to let go. Mr. Landers wanted to fix the company because it was the only thing he had left of his wife.
“Look, Dad,” Nathan said, setting down his drink and putting his hand on his father’s shoulder. Go home and really think about it. If you agree and you want to dissolve the company, I will help you. I will take the reins, dissolve the company, sell the assets, and let you retire in peace. The payout, even after the 401Ks and the pensions we are obligated to pay, I’m sure there is enough in there that you will never have to want for anything. “
The rest of the dinner was quiet, but I could tell that Nathan had touched Mr. Landers by figuring out exactly what I already knew. It was time to let go.
Chapter Twenty Nine
Nathan
As we sat there quietly eating our dinner, I thought about how proud I was for making the choice to go in the direction that I knew was best. It took a lot of courage to stand up to my father, and it was the first time that I had ever done it. Through the years, I had folded to every single one of his wishes.
Our father was like a god to us growing up. This man could turn nothing into gold. We were taught to always listen to him, take his advice whether we wanted to or not, and be there anytime he needed anything. I lived my life feeling like I was the only one that could keep the family and the business on the right track, and letting that burden go was extremely hard. I wanted my father to be proud of me, to look at me as someone he could come to, lean on, and know that he could count on me to do what he thought was best. The problem with that was, when I got older, I was still living my life based on what my father thought was best for him, not what I thought was best for me. So, without thinking I dove into the life that had been laid out for me since birth and engrossed myself so much in that life that I didn’t even have time to see the world around me. When I met Ronni, that world that had been built for me started to crumble away, and the world I wanted to build for myself began to take shape.
I didn’t tell my father to dissolve the company because that was in my best interest. For all intents and purposes, he could have easily gone out and hired someone to do the job that I wouldn’t. But I told my father that it was the best choice because I truly believed that it was. He needed to be free from this burden, especially now that he was quickly losing time. I wanted to see him flourish in the last days, months, or however long he had left, without sitting in his office and stressing over a legacy that wouldn’t matter once he was gone. Sure, he could sell the company, but I knew that wouldn’t do any good. He would still keep himself engrossed in what was going on with it. It would kill him more to watch someone else change his company into their own, than watch Nick take it down in a blaze of glory.
I watched my father across the table as we finished our desserts, and I asked for the check. His face was solemn, and I could see the anguish in every glance. It was not what he thought he wanted, and he wasn’t happy with my choice to turn him down, but he knew there was no way, at this point, he could fight me on it. In reality, he was tired. He was tired of missing my mother, he was tired of fighting his children, and he was tired of living half of a life.
He had done it for so long that it hadn’t even hit him until he was given a death sentence. So, facing the end, he clung to the only thing he had left, a company that would hold no meaning for anyone once he was gone. It made me sad to think that he didn’t feel that he had his own sons to go to instead of holding on to his own company for dear life. I know he didn’t like my opinion or offer, but I could only hope that when he got home, he really took a hard look at himself and his life and made peace with letting the company go. At this point, he was the only one that could make this decision. I had spoken my mind, and now, I would have to wait and see what he decided.
When dinner was over, I hugged my father and kissed him on the cheek before getting him into the limo and sending him back home. As we drove back to the house, many thoughts flew through my mind, but I was distracted by Ronni’s beautiful face. She reached over and grabbed my hand, pulling it into her lap. I could tell she had questions, especially since it was the first time she had heard my decision as well.
“How did you come to the conclusion that you did?” she asked.
“My first instinct this entire time was to jump right in and do exactly what my father wanted. My whole life, that is exactly what I did, and the thought of making any other decision, with his life coming to an end, made me feel so damn guilty. Then, when I went for that walk on the beach, I let it all work through my mind. I thought about my father taking Nick and me to the beach as kids. I thought about how much love he gave us on a daily basis. I thought about how he always pushed us to be better, smarter, and stronger. I thought about everything going on in his life right now, and then, I stopped in my tracks and stared at this adorable little family walking down the beach. The father had put his son on his shoulders and grabbed his wife’s hand. They looked perfect, happy, and prepared to face the world.”
“Did that make you think even more about your own father’s role in your life when you were younger?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head and smiling. “It made me think about the future I really wanted. It made me answer those questions you gave me before I walked out to the beach. I knew if I took that job at my father’s firm, I would have no time for anything, especially a family. And I don’t know your thoughts, but a family is what I really want with you, Ronni. I want to start a family together. A family we can build together, just like the empire we are building.”
I looked over at Ronni and held her hand tighter. I could see how touched she really was with the decision I had made. Tears were flooding her eyes, and she sniffled, trying to hold them back. Ronni knew what it felt like to never have someone there making choices that were for her. She knew how it felt to be running in circles with no way out. Now, she knew what it felt like to have a man in her life that truly appreciated and loved her for everything she was. I wanted a life with Ronni, not a half marriage where I was always gone.