The One who got Away

The cancer came quick, and Janice was gone before I even had the chance to register what was going on. Kelly was three when it happened, and Samuel had flown down again just to make sure I didn’t drive the both of us off the pier and into the ocean. A thought that I hate to admit, came often.

“That girl needs you,” Samuel had told me, but I wasn’t listening. At that point, you could have me that the world was on fire, and I wouldn’t have flinched. I tried to be a father, and a cop, and had been failing miserably at both for quite a while until I learned to pull myself together. Hours of therapy and tough love helped, but throwing myself into the job with all the fury of a hurricane did even more.

And every time I was late picking her up, or missed a recital, or didn’t show up for a PTA meeting, I said to myself that I was doing it for her. I was working the night oil for my daughter, to give her the life she deserved.

Until I got shot, of course, and realized I was probably not doing it for Kelly after all. A part of me still missed Janice, and that same part seemed to have an inexplicable death wish.

Sometimes I look back at all that, and wonder what the hell went wrong. When did I forget to take care of myself for her sake? When did I think it would be okay for her to grow up without both parents?

Maybe those hours of therapy didn’t help after all, buddy.

Maybe. And maybe I had been pushing people away for the exact same reason. Why build long-lasting relationships I didn’t expect to keep, right? It was why I had never been on a date, why I had never let any woman into my life, and definitely why I couldn’t even fathom the idea of sharing a bed with someone Kelly might one day call ‘mom’.

Which made my attraction to Jenni Wright even more confusing!

She was definitely my type. Brunette, check. Slim, check. Sm

ile that could melt steel, double-fucking-check. But there was something else there, something more than just the way she looked. It was in her eyes, a hint of mischief, a touch of a desire to live on the wild side. Reading her was definitely not easy, but that had been clear enough. And maybe that was exactly why I was feeling the way I was. Janice had that same spark, the willingness to jump headfirst into the unknown.

Dammit, she had even made jokes about the cancer when the pain had been bearable enough for that.

Jenni Wright…

The truck hit a small speed bump, and I was abruptly brought back to where my mind had wandered off to. Samuel was pulling into the driveway of a small workshop, Pete’s Garage in large painted uppercase letters on the front. I remembered the shop from my childhood, a lot of long afternoons spent with my father and Pete as we fixed up whatever the Ford had been complaining about then. It felt a little nostalgic.

“Okay, you kids stay here while I go talk to Pete,” Samuel said, jumping out of the truck.

“Take me with you,” Kelly said, following suit.

I watched from my seat as the two of them disappeared into the shop, then turned to look at Jenni. She was huddled up near the door of the backseat, biting her lip as she gazed out the window. She smiled at me when she saw me looking, and I felt parts of me melt immediately.

“So, what brings you back to Kent?” she asked.

“Decided to spend the summer with the old man, show my daughter where her father grew up,” I replied.

“That’s nice,” Jenni smiled. “Is it her first time here?”

I nodded. “Ever since her mother died, and we’ve kind of been avoiding free time.”

“I’m so sorry,” Jenni said, her eyes suddenly wide in shock. “I had no idea.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I said. “It happened almost ten years ago.”

“That’s a long time to be avoiding ‘free time’.”

I shrugged. “We’re not very good at mourning.”

“And Kelly?”

“She has to deal with me, which I think is probably the hardest part of it all,” I said.

“I know where she’s coming from,” Jenni said, looking out the window again, her eyes glazing over.

“Mother, too?”

Jenni nodded. “But she walked out on us,” she said. “I’m sure it’s not the same, but the end result pretty much is.”

I laughed. “Hank isn’t exactly the lenient type.”