Dirty Professor

You could say that.

“I'm fine,” I lied.

“You don't sound fine,” she said.

The doorknob rattled as she tried to open it, but I'd had the foresight to lock it.

“Listen, if this is about what Lauren said about you putting on weight, just ignore her. We all know she's a bitch –”

“It's not that,” I said softly.

“Then what is it?” she asked. “Come on, I'm your best friend, aren't I? You can tell me anything, you know that.”

Allie had quickly become my closest friend, so yes, she was right. She was my best friend. But I still felt so terribly alone. I didn't want to tell a soul. The fear and the shame that were gripping me so tightly were overwhelming. I just wanted to stay in this bathroom and hide away until I woke up from what had to be a terrible, horrible dream.

But I knew I couldn't go through this alone. Because it wasn't a dream, it was reality. And I needed help to get through this. Allie was all I had – the only person I could trust.

With tears stinging my eyes, I opened the door.

Allie stepped inside, her eyes on me. She looked concerned as she noticed the tears rolling down my cheeks. I looked at her and opened my mouth to speak, but couldn't find the words, so I closed it again. As I stood there before her, my best friend, I realized I didn't know how to tell her why I was crying – so I showed her instead. I picked up the pregnancy test and held it out to her. She didn't take it, she just looked down and a moment later, her eyes grew wide as she realized what she was staring at.

“Is this for real, Maya?” she asked me. “I mean, false positives aren't impossible, right?”

“It's the third one I've taken – all positive,” I said weakly.

To cover my face and hide away as best as I could, I put my head in my hands and fell to the floor. I was leaning against the bathtub, sobbing. I'd finally had to face the truth. I was pregnant.

“Who's the father?” Allie asked softly, sitting down beside me. “I didn't think you were seeing anyone –”

“I'm not,” I said. “It was a one-time thing. Just a one-nighter. So, goddamn stupid of me.”

“Shhh,” Allie said, pulling me into her and holding me close. “It's okay, Maya. It's going to be okay.”

Was it, though? How could it be? My life was forever changed and I felt like things would never be okay again.

“Well, there are ways we can handle this, clinics that will –”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “No, let's not talk about that. I can't do that. My parents would kill me.”

“They don't even have to know, Maya,” Allie said.

I knew she was right. It would be so easy. My life could go back to normal in no time. I could go to the clinic, have an abortion and no one would ever have to know. It could be my little secret. And it could save my life. My plans. My dreams.

But I'd know. I'd always know what I'd done.

“It goes against everything I believe in, Allie,” I said, choking up. “I don't think I can, not easily.”

“Well, you can think about it, Maya. You still have some time, so just think about it, okay?”

I nodded. “Okay,” I said. “I'll think about it.”

But lying to my parents? How could I look at them in the eyes ever again if I did that? How could I sit down to dinner, stare them in the face and keep this secret from them? They might expect it of Luke, but they would be absolutely devastated if it came from me.

I knew I couldn't.

There was no way I could keep this from them. Even if I decided to do what Allie was suggesting, I had to tell my parents. I had to own up to my mistakes. Whether I liked it or not, I had to tell them I was pregnant and find a way to deal with the fallout.

“I'm going to tell my parents though,” I said, feeling marginally better for having decided that. “I have to.”