Yet, I still cried.
Reese got up from the table and joined me on the floor, pulling my face from my hands, forcing me to look him in the eyes.
“Maya, please, listen to me,” he whispered. “I want to be a part of his life. I want to see my son, to help you raise him. It's gonna take me a minute to figure it all out, but you're no longer alone.”
It was as if he'd read my mind and knew how to speak to my heart. He said the words I so badly needed to hear, but the problem was, I didn't know if I believed him.
“Are you sure? Because I can't have you in his life now, then a year down the road you're gone – off to somewhere new and exciting. I can't have his heart broken like that. I won't.”
Like mine had been, but I didn't say that. No, I didn't need to say that. Couldn't. Because it wasn't about me. It was about Eli now.
“Yes, yes, I'm sure,” Reese said, holding my hands in his. “I promise you, Maya. I will be the best father I can be for that boy. I may not be perfect, but he's my kid and I'll do my best.”
I wanted to believe him. Oh, God, I so badly wanted to believe him, but until I saw it with my own two eyes, I wasn't sure I could.
But he deserved to know his son, and his son deserved to know his father.
“Okay,” I said. “Okay. But just know – if you ever hurt our child in any way, I will kill you. That's a promise, Reese. Nothing in this world matters more than him. Nothing.”
We set up a time for Reese to meet Eli in a more personal setting – well away from my parents' house. We'd agreed to not tell anyone – including Eli – that Reese was his dad until after they became more comfortable with one another. It just made sense to ease into it. My family didn't need their nose in our business and I knew Luke would only make things more stressful. There were no rushing things with Reese and Eli. Slow and steady. That way if Reese bolted, my son wouldn't have to know anything.
Not that I told Reese my reasoning. He didn't need know how much I didn't trust him.
For our first meeting, Reese came over to my place to visit for a bit. Just the three of us. I expected things to be awkward. I mean, except for the night I slept with him, we didn't really have much history together. We didn't seem to have much in common. And suddenly we'd be together with our son and I'd have to make conversation. What in the hell were we going to talk about?
My heart stuttered in my chest when Reese knocked on the door – right on time. Which was a surprise for me. As I opened it and let him in, he looked around, nodding.
“Nice place,” he said.
“Thanks. It's a bit small, but it'll do for us, for now.”
I didn't mention that my parents paid half my rent, just so I could provide a nice home for our son. I couldn't afford to pay for everything, not on my own. Not yet, at least. I'd told them we could rent an apartment, but they insisted on helping. Because of their help, we were able to get a small two-bedroom house down the street from them. And for that, I was more thankful than I could say.
Eli was on the floor watching cartoons when Reese came in. He looked up at Reese, but didn't pay much attention and turned back to the television. He looked up again when I turned the TV off though.
He started to cry, his little lip trembling as I turned off his favorite show.
“We'll watch it later, bub,” I said. “I want you to meet someone right now.”
Reese just stood there and stared, almost like he was still in shock about the fact that this was his child. Eli was still upset about me turning off his favorite show, whining at me to turn it back on. I walked over and sat on the floor with him and looked up at Reese, inviting him to join us.
He did, after a few moments, but I could tell he wasn't comfortable. Not that I could blame him. It's not like he had time to really prepare for this. One day he was a bachelor, living on his own, and the next he was the father of a toddler. I was sure it had to be completely overwhelming.
“Hey there, Eli,” Reese said. “I'm Reese.”
Eli just stared blankly at him.
“I'm sorry. He's a little shy with –” I almost said strangers, but stopped myself in the nick of time, “new people.”
“I understand. I am too,” Reese said with a smile.
“No, you're not,” I said with a dry laugh. “You're the most social person I know.”
“Oh yeah? Says the girl who hardly knows me.”
He laughed, and it sounded sincere, but the plug about barely knowing him hurt. It reminded me yet again that I didn't know the father of my son, not very well, at least. And that hurt. Reese must have noticed the hurt on my face, because he followed it up by giving me a smile and a gentle squeeze on the shoulder.
“I'm sorry, Maya. I didn't mean to –”