I grinned at him. “There’s pussy in the bedroom.”
He made a face and shook his head. “I’m tired of eating pussy, man. Got any pizza?”
“I’ll go see.” I gave him a nod and worked my way off the couch again.
My knees were wobbly. I held my hands out like a surfer to steady myself as I stepped over sleeping bodies, empty booze bottles, and crushed beer cans on my way to the kitchen.
The victory party after yesterday’s game had been at my mansion last night, so the place was a wreck. In every room there were passed-out football players and naked cheerleaders, and maybe a groupie or two. No wives or girlfriends were ever allowed at the victory parties. That’s why the guys
in relationships either didn’t show up or lied about where they were going.
I made it to the kitchen without stepping on anyone and pulled the freezer door open. It was one of those big stainless steel freezers, and one side was stacked with frozen pizzas.
I pulled out two Supremes and shoved them in the double ovens. Funny, I had a gourmet kitchen, but only knew how to cook pizzas and Pop Tarts. And I usually burned the shit out of those.
I leaned down and squinted to set the timers. I had no idea if I’d set the temperature or the timers correctly. I was too fucked up to concern myself about such things. And too fucked up to care.
I yelled at Leon. “Hey, if you smell smoke, that means the pizza is ready.”
“Heard,” he said. I couldn’t believe Leon was even awake. We’d been drinking and smoking dope for twelve hours, but somehow, he had managed to put on a video game and was killing zombies on the big screen like Daryl motherfucking Dixon from The Walking Dead.
“Gotta piss...” I said to no one in particular. I paused long enough to reach into the fridge for another beer, then dragged my feet from the kitchen and up the stairs to the master bedroom. I had to piss like a racehorse and there was a chick passed out sitting on the downstairs toilet. I had no idea who she was. Nice tits, though.
I gripped the railing with my free hand and pulled myself up the stairs. It was the house rule that my bedroom was off limits during parties. It was the only room in the house that hadn’t been invaded by my guests.
I opened the door and stepped inside, then closed the door and leaned back against it. I rubbed my eyes and blew out a long breath. I suddenly felt very tired.
“What the fuck are you doing, man?” I said as I popped the beer and took a long swig, spilling half of it down my chest. “You gotta fucking grow up.”
“Did you say something?”
The words came from a naked blond with big tits and a shaved bush who was sleeping in my bed. I stared at her for a moment. I vaguely remembered leaving her there after she got the Sean Donovan special a few hours before.
I tried to remember her name…
Carla?
Cassie?
Connie?
C… something…
“Just talking to myself,” I said, holding up the beer as I started toward the bathroom door. “Go back to sleep. It’s only Monday.”
I didn’t realize that I was naked until I stumbled into the bathroom and glanced in the mirror. I frowned at my reflection.
My body looked amazing (duh), but from the neck up, I looked like hell. My eyes were red and squinty. My lips were cracked and dry. I leaned into the mirror and tilted my head back. White powder rimmed my nostrils. And down below, my poor cock was hanging like a limp noodle.
“Fuck, man… You gotta sober up…” I said to the man in the mirror. “You look like shit.”
I imagined him saying, “You first, motherfucker.”
I huffed at him and turned to stand at the toilet with my feet spread and my hands against the wall to keep me from falling over. I must have looked like a guy waiting to be frisked.
I aimed for the bowl as best I could. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I exhaled when I heard a strong stream of piss hitting the bowl.
The piss seemed to last for an hour. I had no idea how much I had drank, but obviously, I hadn’t taken a leak in while. When I heard the stream slowing to a trickle, I forced my eyes open and looked down. I sighed. I had just pissed all over the toilet, the floor, and the stack of girlie magazines on the floor.