Broken

As I sat, staring deep into the fire as it blazed with unmerciful fury, I contemplated all of this.

I wanted to come to some explanation and I wanted to do it before I did something I would regret.

I briefly contemplated that this was some kind of fate, but quickly scoffed at the idea. Fate wasn’t in our favor. I could attest to that. If fate was on our side, people wouldn’t get knocked on their ass so many times before finally settling for something that resembled happiness.

Still, even though my convictions were strong, with one glance back at Carrie, sleeping soundlessly, with Jake warming her feet at the bottom of the bed, I wondered if there was something that I was supposed to be noticing.

After all, Jake seems to like her, but he always was something of a lady’s dog.

As I had told Carrie, he’s a big mush. There’s not a mean bone in that dog’s body, so long as you aren’t out to hurt anyone.

Of course, I tried to convince myself that Jake was simply trying to comfort Carrie. After all, I was sure he could sense that she was going through something traumatic, even if he didn’t quite understand.

Yet, if that was it, or if there was something more, a deeper connection there, between the dog and the woman, I couldn’t help but wonder if Jake has the right idea.

Perhaps, instead of worrying about keeping up the walls that were obviously not working so well for me, I should go with it.

The last time almost killed me, but it didn’t, so maybe this time wouldn’t either.

After hours of fending off what I knew, somewhere in the back of my mind was inevitable, I resolved to learning more about this woman. I would try a different approach; one that involved me being less of an asshole and more of the person I was once, a long time ago.

Considering we were stuck together, at least until Carrie’s ankle healed, I decided it was better to be hospitable than to have her resent me for something I could’ve prevented.

I finally decided if she was going to hate me, I would rather her hate me for something I did. At least then, I wouldn’t have anything to regret.

Chapter 9: Carrie

When I woke up, I felt disgusting. I wasn’t used to being so gross. Normally, I was an extremely clean person. So, having not taken so much as a whore bath for God knows how long was starting to weigh on me. I felt as though I smelled disgusting and each time I moved, I heard my hair crunching from the dried blood.

It made me sick and after laying there, in the darkness, I was sure I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep if I had to continue living in my own filth.

So, I carefully eased myself off the bed, careful not to wake anyone. Although, as soon as I moved, I heard Jake groan as his large head poked up to see what was going on.

“Go back to sleep,” I told the dog, “It’s okay.”

Yet, when I turned around, I saw a figure towering over me. I was so concerned with the dog, I didn’t even hear anyone coming up behind me.

My heart dropped as I had a flashback of the tour guide. I screamed and staggered back, but I was caught by large, sturdy hands and brought back up.

“What the hell? Carrie? What’s wrong?” Johnathan asked, sounding genuinely concerned. He made sure I was stable before releasing my arm.

“Nothing…I just wanted to go take a shower,” I complained, picking at my hair. “I feel gross.”

Even though he didn’t make a sound, I could almost sense him rolling his eyes at me.

“Really?” Johnathan finally retorted, “You couldn’t have wanted to do this last night, or waited until morning?”

“I’m sorry, I just woke up and,” I shivered from disgust, “I just feel like everything is caked on me and I want to get it off.”

I must have sounded desperate though, because when he spoke again, his voice was a lot more understanding.

“Okay…Okay, fine. Just…Sit down, will you?” As he spoke, he guided me back to the bed. “Let me get some light in here and I’ll help you.”

“Thank you,” I answered, relieved that he was going to do something about it instead of just telling me to go back to sleep.

Obviously still waking up, I watched his shadow slunk over to the large oven and prime the embers of the fire and add firewood so that the flames returned, giving some light to the room.

I waited patiently, even though it was difficult.