Broken

“Good. You should be scared,” he scowled, “Cause it scared the shit out of me and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.”

“What?” I asked, inching back toward him, although I felt my body shaking. I wasn’t sure what he was going to tell me and I feared that something would snap in him and I would be thrown back into a terrible situation, like I was at the campsite.

It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Johnathan, it was more that I was having a hard time trusting anyone presently. It seemed like every time I moved, since the incident, I was afraid something was going to attack me.

I didn’t want to live this way and my only hope was that it would get better with time, but I doubted it and Johnathan’s expression wasn’t helping this idea.

“So,” he started skeptically, as though he still wasn’t sure if he wanted to tell me what he felt he needed to. Yet, after a pause, he continued, “You know when I told you I found your tent and your bag? I told you that I didn’t find anything else?”

“Yeah?” I prodded as my heart started to thump loud and hastily in my chest. Instantly, I felt sick and the words spilled out of me before I could stop them, “Did you find the guy? Did you kill him?”

“What?” Johnathan seemed to be removed from the seriousness of the situation for a moment, as he shook his head. “No! Why would you think…” His voice willingly cut off there and his head bobbed in a motion as though he had answered his own question and no longer needed further explanation. “Uh…No. I didn’t kill him, but that’s partially only because I didn’t find him. I did find his bag…”

“His hiking pack?”

“No. Probably a bag that he had in his hiking pack. It looked like a medical bag? Kind of…Anyway, I found a knife, rope, duct tape and the damn drug he used to knock you out with in the bag.” He spoke quickly now, as though he was trying to get it all out before he changed his mind about saying any of it. “The good news is, the drug he used won’t have any lasting effects. It’s basically generic Valium, so it won’t have any lasting effects, but the other stuff I found suggests that…”

“He was going to kill me,” I replied, saying the words aloud made my stomach curdle. Again, I felt sick.

“Jesus, I’m sorry, Carrie. I wasn’t going to tell you, but I felt that you had a right to know…” He insisted, gingerly grasping my shoulder in an attempt to be supportive.

However, I wasn’t listening to him. Even though I had known that was a possibility, even as the assault was happening, the pre-meditation that had gone into the attack and the obvious, ultimate intention made my head spin.

Those eyes returned, burning into my soul and now that I was certain of their true intention, I was certain that I would likely never be able to rest comfortably and securely again.

If the guide had intended to kill me after he had gotten what he wanted, he would definitely want to kill me now that he was interrupted.

Thoughts of how my life was in danger, as well as Johnathan’s life flooded my conscious, making me feel guilty as well as terrified.

I wasn’t sure what I had thought happened to him before but the thought of him coming back for me wasn’t high on the realm of my possibilities. However, now, I feared that it was the only logical conclusion.

I supposed I had hoped this was a random act and that he was never going to try it again, because it had failed. I knew that was a dumb idea, especially now, but it was hard for my brain to contemplate anything else. Now, those ideas seemed like fantasies, wishful thinking, though I knew the reality was far darker.

As all of this weighed down on me, I felt increasingly lightheaded as the black curtain started to close from the corners of my eyes. I heaved a breath, which was useless, as though I was punched in the stomach and was certain that I was about to pass out.

I tried to fight it, refusing to close my eyes, but as the blackness closed over my vision, my stomach churned uncomfortably.

I wondered if it was better to pass out or fight it and throw up. Either way, I figured I would be getting sick, so I instantly decided I didn’t want to be throwing up after I had succumbed to the darkness.

I swallowed hard and fought for breath.

Realizing the despair, I was in, Johnathan’s grasp tightened as he tried to keep me from falling over.

“Carrie!” He yelled, shaking me slightly so that was pulled away from the sense of overbearing fear. When I looked at him, he pressed his other hand on my other shoulder and glared at me. “Carrie, listen to me!” He screamed.

Eventually, my eyes settled on his and the dizziness started to dissipate, though my unsettled stomach continued to ebb and flow, still threatening to release its contents.

“Breathe, Carrie…Relax. Come back to me,” Johnathan’s voice was soothing and calm, now that he had stopped yelling. His panic had receded and therefore, I was able to focus on him as he requested, which slowly eased the sickness I felt.

He continued to speak softly to me, his eyes bearing into mine intently, driving out the crazed look of the guide that plagued me.

Finally, I was able to draw in a calming breath, then another. Slowly, I started to be able to calm myself.

“Relax, Carrie…” Johnathan told me once again, before his expression hardened in a far more serious, menacing manner. “Now, listen to me, Carrie, you are going to be okay. I am not going to let anyone hurt you. That asshole is long gone, but if he does come back, I swear to God, I’ll be ready for him. I’ll kill him, before you even know he’s here.”

“But…What if, what if he comes after me at home? After I leave?” I insisted.

“He won’t,” Johnathan insisted, his expression piercing. “I don’t want to scare you, but here’s the truth, if he tries to come after you again, he’s going to try to do so before you reach the ranger’s station. He’s either going to attack you here, or while we’re on the trip, so that is when you need to be the most aware of your surroundings. I will be with you the whole time and I know what to look for. I’ll know if he’s coming. Once you make it to the ranger’s station, you can report him, or you can leave it alone. Either way, once you’re there, he’s lost his shot. He’s not going to come after you again, because he isn’t sure if he’s already been made. You know his name, his face, and can direct people back to where he attacked you, which trust me, they will find evidence there…So, he’s at your mercy then. Going after you once you reach that ranger’s station is only adding time to a sentence. If you accuse him of hurting you and then you disappear, guess who their number one suspect is?”