Broken

“No, I don’t think you are.” His warm tone dissolves some of the ice around me. “Not with me anyway. I just want drinks, and maybe a bit of chat.”

Oh God, he’s my ideal customer. I’m glad he’s my first one but I’m all to aware that not everyone will be this way. I’ve already had a sneaky hand trying to creep up my butt and I didn’t like it one bit.

“That sounds great.” My face breaks into a smile. “Whatever you want. I’m here.”

Over the top of Ben I can hear Jenny’s screeching laughter. She’s really enjoying this. I suppose I understand that, she’s an extrovert and the total opposite to me, but it makes me wonder why she thought I would like this. I’m not like this at all.

“I would like to learn more about you, Serena,” he says with a curious look. “But I know how awkward it can be to reel off loads of spiel about yourself so instead I’ll ask you questions about yourself. Nothing too hard, does that sound okay?”

The tight knot in my chest loosens slightly. Surely by standing here and chatting to Ben, I’m doing my job, and I can answer a few questions about myself, that shouldn’t be too difficult. To be honest by this point I’ll do anything to stay by his side rather than talking to anyone else.

“Sure, I don’t see why not. What do you have in mind?”

I expect him to start with something silly, such as ‘what is your favourite colour?’ but that isn’t what I get at all. Ben’s lips twist up into a smile and he begins.

“What are you doing in the city? I’m assuming that you don’t come from here?”

Oh. That’s deeper into my life than I expected. I don’t know how comfortable I am with sharing that much. Then again, it’s better than pressing my breasts into someone’s face. “Is it that obvious that I’m a small town girl?”

“Yes,” he laughs. “But in a good way.”

In a good way... hmm, I’m not totally sure what that means but I like the feeling of those words circling through my system. “Oh right, well yes, I moved here a few years back for job opportunities.” A thick blush fills my cheeks as I realise how ridiculous that sounds now that I’m standing here handing out shots. “I didn’t have a plan though which is probably why it hasn’t worked out so far.”

Ben nods slowly, but not in a judgemental way. For someone who clearly has a lot of success in his life that’s nice that he doesn’t immediately make all sorts of assumptions about me. “Right, okay, so do you have a plan now?”

Urgh, I hate that question because I really don’t. I can’t tell him I’m just sitting back and waiting for my real life to begin. “I don’t know, I’m still trying to figure that part out.”

“Fair enough, you’re a free spirit.” While I’ve never seen myself in that way, it’s nice that he does. I quite like him thinking that I’m just this cool, casual, easy going girl. “So when was the last time you had a boyfriend?”

I throw my hands on my hips and give him a defiant look, which isn’t like me at all. Ben’s eyes are drawing something out of me that I didn’t know was there before. “How do you know I don’t have a boyfriend now?”

“I don’t... I guess I phrased that question wrong.”

Damn it, now I have to admit the truth. Maybe I shouldn’t have acted like that because it’s me left humiliated now. “Oh well, I don’t have a boyfriend at the moment. The last time I was really with someone was in high school and he was... well, not good for me.”

In reality, my crappy relationship with Luke in school is one of the reasons I keep away from guys now. It might sound silly but I trusted him with everything. I thought he was the one in a naïve and childish way. I loved his preppy look and cheeky smile so much that I would have given him everything. I liked him for a very long time before he even asked me out.

When he did, I thought it was the best day of my life.

Things were going well for a while. The only issue I had was his popularity. He dragged me into his group of friends which meant I left all of mine behind, but I was too blinded to notice it. His friends were much more advanced than mine, into drinking and partying, into sleeping around without even thinking about it. It was in way over my head.

I didn’t want to cave, I didn’t want to become someone new for Luke but that happened eventually anyway. I let my school grades slip, I started partying, and eventually I slept with Luke. Then the very next day he broke up with me.

I lost my friends, my grades, my boyfriend, myself... all for someone who didn’t want me. Since then I’ve been on dates but if they aren’t Prince Charming they don’t get to stick around for long. I don’t have time for that. I cannot put my faith in someone unless I know for certain I can trust them.

“Yeah, I haven’t had many relationships either.”

As Ben answers me, I’m shocked. I would think that he has a different girl on his arm all the time... but maybe he does, he just doesn’t let them in. I might not have led that lifestyle myself, but I know there’s a big difference between sleeping with someone and letting them in.

“Wow, that’s... yeah. Erm, so when was your last relationship?”

“I didn’t know we’d changed the game around?” Ben chuckles at me. “I didn’t know it was okay for you to ask me questions... but since you want to know I had a girlfriend when I was twenty years old but it didn’t work out because I was a workaholic. I cared too much about my business and not her.”

“Oh. Right.” I don’t know what to say to that, maybe I shouldn’t have started asking anything. “I see.”

“So, my turn again.” He leans back in his chair and runs his eyes up and down my body. The stare is invasive, but weirdly I like it. It isn’t like me to want to be looked at, but there’s something about Ben’s gaze that makes me feel kinda sexy. Even my shoulders are rolled back as if I’m confident. “What are you normally dressed like? I can’t imagine you walk around like that all the time.”

“Oh I do,” I tease. “This is my clothing from home. It just happens to be right for the job.” I giggle playfully before giving him a real answer. “No, I’m usually in jeans and tee shirts. I would like to dress better but I can’t afford to. That’s why I’m here.”