Broken

Ring, ring... Ring, ring... Ring, ring...

“Hello? Serena, everything okay? Why are you ringing me so late?”

“Shit.” I look at the clock, it’s just gone one in the morning, Jenny was probably asleep. “Sorry, I didn’t look at the time.”

“It’s okay, I wasn’t quite in bed yet, I’ve just finished performing. What’s going on with you? You sound all... panicked.”

I lock myself in the bathroom, then I whisper my next words. “I think I might be pregnant.”

“Pregnant?” she screams on the other end. It’s a good job Ben isn’t it. Even if he didn’t hear me, he would have heard that wherever he is in the house. “You’re pregnant? But how? I didn’t even know you were dating anyone? What happened?”

“I... I am dating someone. Sort of.” God this is hard to explain. How do I say it aloud? “There’s a guy who I met at the club, on my first night of work actually.”

“Ooh, a rich guy.” Of course Jenny’s impressed with that bit. I know Ben has a lot of money but I guess I don’t really see him that way. He’s just Ben to me, I would like him whatever his bank statement was. “Nice!”

“Well I moved in with him when you left...”

“Wait, what?” Jenny sounds much less pleased now. “You moved in with him? But you must have known him for less than a week.”

“I know, it’s a bit weird, but it’s good. Really good.” I smile to myself. “We’re in love now. I love him.”

Jenny pauses for a second and I brace myself for the lecture that I’m already sure is coming. “Serena, I don’t know if I like this. It sounds a bit... crazy to me.”

“I know, but...” I try to interject, but Jenny isn’t about to let me get my words in.

“Serena, I think you have a bit of a dreamy nature.” She means naïve, I just know it. “And I think that might make you fall a bit too fast. You can’t have known one another more than, what, two months now? In total. And you love each other? Do you even know this guy? What if he’s one of those that falls fast then gets bored?”

There it is, my big fear back to torment me some more. I’m boring, much too boring for a man like Ben. My heart sinks as Jenny says this to me. Her opinion means way more to me than that of some chick that I don’t even know. Marie had an agenda. Jenny only cares about my well being.

“Oh God, and now you’re pregnant.”

“Right.” The purpose of this phone call comes flooding back. “Yes, I mean I don’t know. But maybe. I have all these tests and, well I wanted to speak to you as I took them so I’m not alone. If you weren’t out on the ocean somewhere you would be doing this with me anyway, right?”

“Er, yeah sure.” She really doesn’t sound happy. Maybe this phone call was a bad idea. I don’t want to be dragged further down into this pit of terror. “I’m glad I can be here for you. How many tests did you buy?”

“You know me too well.” I count them all. “I have seven.”

“Well that’s a bit extreme, but let’s do this.”

“Hold on.” I open one of the boxes and pull out the endless stream of paper inside. “I just have to read the instructions first,”

“You don’t. Don’t bother reading it, just get out some of the tests, pee on the end. If there’s a plus sign, there’s a baby in you.”

“Sounds so simple,” I say weakly. “Pee on it, your life might be changed forever. Awesome.”

“Don’t panic so much. Just do it.”

“I’ll put the phone outside the door, I’m sure you don’t want to hear me peeing. Just.. don’t hang up okay? I need you.”

With Jenny’s promise to wait for me I do as she said. I take three of the tests, leaving some for another try if I think I need it, and I sit on the toilet. My heart races as pee flows from my body. This is terrifying, I don’t know what the outcome is going to be, and I don’t know how I feel about it either. I mean, can I even see myself with a baby in my arms? Ben’s baby at that?

A smile spread across my cheeks, almost as if I can’t help it. That image in my brain, it isn’t as bad as I thought it might be after all...

Chapter Nineteen – Ben

I’m fucking pissed off. Furious, actually. That was the worst meeting with my accountant that I’ve ever had. I can see now that putting it off all day long and turning it into a late night meeting with drinks and dinner was a terrible idea. I cannot go to sleep with all that bad news circling my brain.

Things are going downhill. We’re losing clients and money rapidly and I know what the reason is. It’s me, I’m the key to the success of the company. Without me, everything falls apart. I’ve been delegating to others because I’ve been distracted with everything Serena, and if I carry on down this route I’m going to lose everything. I need to tell her, once she gets home from work at the bar tonight I need to sit her down and tell her that I cannot spend so much time with her, I can’t keep getting distracted. We need to take a step back from one another and start focusing on our lives around one another.