Broken

“I am serious, Serena. You can’t keep my baby away from me.”

“I’m not trying to...” She tries to interrupt, but I’m on a role now, acting like father of the year even though I haven’t done anything as yet. I can hear myself, I can see what I’m doing, but I just can’t seem to stop myself from acting like an idiot. It’s almost like I’m not even in my body at all now.

“I’ll get lawyers, I’ll go for custardy, I have rights...”

“Ben.” Her tone is so firm, I can’t ignore her again. “Don’t call me again.”

“Ever?”

“Ever.”

“But...” It’s too late, she’s gone, taking my last hope with her.

The dial tone fills my ears and I feel like I might throw up. That is not how I wanted that call to go, maybe I should have waited until I was full sober. That was foolish, I might have wrecked things forever more. At least I still have my mom downstairs, she’ll somehow sort me out. I need her now more than ever. I don’t think I can do this by myself anymore. Everything I touch turns to shit, I’m like a freaking disaster area.

For now all I can do is sleep it off, just like Mom said. I should have listened to her all along. Clearly she knows better than me, I don’t know what’s good for me anymore. I’m just a mess.

Tomorrow will have to be a brand new day, I’ll just have to hope that I find a way to make all of this right. Somehow...

Chapter Twenty Four – Serena

I hang up the phone and throw it across the bed with tears in my eyes. I just cannot believe it. After months and months of hearing nothing, he calls me now with that attitude? He has to be kidding me!

“Who was that?”

Relief floods me as Jenny walks in the room. Thank God she’s back, I don’t know how I would do this without her. She keeps insisting that she didn’t come back from her life dancing on the cruise to look after me, that it was because she got a chance to dance in a music video – which I know is true, she’s been in a few – but I think a part of it was me as well. She feels bad for me, she thinks I’m young and naïve and I’ve been stupid.

She’s right, and I hate that she’s right.

“It was Ben.” I can’t see any point in lying to her, not when I’m on the verge of tears. “He rang me up saying it’s his right to know what’s going on with the baby.”

“He what?” she shrieks. “Are you freaking kidding me? What an asshole. He has no right. He hasn’t been to any of the doctor’s appointments, he hasn’t even bothered to see you, what the hell gives him any right to do anything?” She bangs her fists down on the table in frustration. “He’s probably been out there doing God knows what with God knows who and you’ve been pregnant with his baby the entire time. I’m about to kick some ass.”

“He was drunk as well. I don’t know if he’s drunk from last night or drunk from this morning.” I shake my head, disappointed in what happened to Ben. Although maybe this didn’t happen, maybe he was always like this and I just didn’t see it. “But yeah, he’s a mess.”

Jenny smiles at me, but I can see the strain behind her expression. She’s mad, but she’s trying to hide it. “Yeah well it’s just a good job that he isn’t in your life anymore.... do you have work this morning?”

“Urgh, yeah.” I don’t mind my new job at the moment, I’m quite happy temping in an office, spending most of my time photocopying, it isn’t taxing and the people there are pleasant enough, but I’m constantly worried about the dwindling bundle of money that Mom and Dad gave me. I still have plenty, but I’m sure it won’t be plenty once the babies come. The job doesn’t pay enough. Plus, admittedly, I am a bit of a freak there with my absolutely massive swollen belly. Turns out a twin pregnancy is much bigger than a normal one. “I’m just on my way out now actually. Do you have anywhere to be today?”

She leans in and stage whispers to me. “I’m dancing in another video today. No names, but it’s that of a famous rapper.”

I love that Jenny is getting far with her career, she deserves it. I’m not surprised, she’s feisty and fiery and a go getter. She’s good at dancing too, much better than I thought she was which is actually not that surprising. Trust my best friend to have some secret amazing talent.

“That’s awesome. I can’t wait to see it.”

“Come on, we’ll walk to the subway together... oh hang on, I just need to grab my bag, wait a minute...”

As she leaves the room, I hear my cell phone bleep out and a message plasters across the screen. The phone number is Ben’s so my eyes immediately roll up into the back of my skull, just to stop me from crying. I don’t want to hear from him, I don’t ever want to speak to him again. Doesn’t he get that? Didn’t I make that very clear?

‘Serena, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean too...’

That’s it, nothing more. Half a badly written message is all I deserve. Makes sense, I suppose that’s a bit like what our relationship was like. Half hearted, slightly uncaring, doomed to failure. Now I just need to get through the next few months without speaking to him again. I don’t need to concentrate on him anyway, I’ve got two up and coming babies to think about...

***

‘Serena, please don’t keep ignoring me...’

I don’t even bother to read this one. The last two and a half months has been full of these messages. One he even pretended was from his Mom, it was tragic. I just don’t want anything to do with him anymore, and no amount of endless messages is going to change that. I gave him his chance and he screwed it up. I don’t want him messing up our babies like he has me. I have to be strong enough for the both of them.