Broken

“I’m sorry.” Holy fuck, is that Ben’s chocolaty voice? I spin to look at him with wide, shocked eyes. “That’s my fault.”

Jenny waits for a moment, flickering her eyes between us two, then she stands up to make a move. “I think I’ll leave you two alone. I’m sure you have a lot to talk about.”

Yeah, about seven months worth of stuff, but I honestly don’t think any of that will come out now. I can’t even think straight, never mind speak. This pain... it might just freaking kill me. And if it does, the first thing I’ll do is murder Ben for doing this to me.

What an asshole.

“Can I come in?” he asks sheepishly. “Is it okay for me to be here?”

“Argh,” I grown in sheer agony. “Yes, it’s fine, whatever. Just get over here and rub my back already. I need you.”

Chapter Twenty Five – Ben

She needs me, that’s all I’ve wanted to hear ever since I first started getting my act together. She needs me. Serena is letting me in at the most crucial part of our babies lives. That has to mean something, even if it isn’t forgiveness.

“What do you need?” I ask, all business. “Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”

“I don’t know,” she whimpers while leaning over the bed. “I don’t know it just hurts all over. Like, literally everywhere. I’ve never felt anything like it before.”

“Okay, okay. Do you need a nurse?” I can already feel myself starting to panic. I promised myself that I wouldn’t, but already I’m a fucking mess. “What do we need?”

She grips onto my hands so tight that I fear she might crack my fingers in half and she screams. The sounds rips from her very soul and shreds the room to pieces. It’s absolutely terrifying. “I don’t know, I just need you to help me.”

As she collapses into my arms, all weak and covered in sweat, I feel like I’m exactly where I’m meant to be. This is where I should have been all along, with Serena, helping her through this. I can’t believe I allowed my fear of my business failing, despite the fact that it’s really far away from that, allow me to push the most important person in my life away from me. I’m an idiot, I deserve to lose it all. I’m just glad it hasn’t worked out like this. If Serena gives me another try right now I’m going to throw my heart and soul into it and never fuck up again.

“I’m really sorry, Serena,” I say in a rush of emotion. “I know I’ve been a bad person, and I know that I’ve never deserved you, and honestly...”

“Shut up, Ben,” she snaps back through gritted teeth. “Now really isn’t the time.”

She’s right, I know she’s right. How could I ever think about bringing this up right now? What an idiot. I’ve just told myself that I wouldn’t screw up again and right off the bat I have.

“Sorry, Serena, honestly I don’t know...”

“Stop saying sorry. Go and get a nurse. I definitely need a nurse now. Or a doctor, or someone.”

Practical help, now that’s something I can definitely do. “Right, yes, I’ll go right now.”

I push open the door and tear off down the hallway at a million miles an hour. I think I might even rush past Jenny at some point but I’m not sure because I’m not really looking. My heart thunders painfully in my chest, I can hear it beating in my ears, and there’s a tight knot of anxiety that’s bundled up in my stomach. A cold snake glides through my organs, making me shiver sporadically every so often.

Thank God I’ve sorted myself out for this moment, thank goodness Mom told me the truth about Dad and she made me see sense about the way that my life was going. Serena and the twins deserve so much more than the person I was before. I’m just so glad that I’m not a mess anymore. Not the drunken, sodden idiot that I was not so long ago.

“Nurse!” I cry out as soon as I spot someone. ?

?I need help. My...” I can’t say girlfriend, she isn’t really any girlfriend of mine at the moment. “The mother of my children is struggling. We need help.”

The nurse nods and agrees to come with me, and while I wait a moment for her to finish what she’s doing, I pull out my cell phone and I fire off a text to my mom. After all the hell that she’s put herself through in the last few months just to get me back on track, she deserves to know that I’m at the hospital and that my babies are being born. Finally I might have something to make her proud of me.

‘Mom, Serena finally called me back, she’s in labour, I’m at the hospital now. I’ll send you a picture once they are born.’

Then I glance upwards and I smile at the universe. It’s time, I’m finally about to become a father. I didn’t even know this was a dream of mine, but now that it’s about to come true I’m so damn excited...

***

“I cannot believe these babies belong to us,” I say again to Serena as another burst of intense love washes over me. It’s a boundless, endless love that I didn’t know I was even capable of. “These babies. We made them.”

“I made them,” Serena says with a giggle. “You didn’t really do anything to be honest.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right about that one.” I glance over to her and smile brightly as I drink her blissful, peaceful face in. She’s been through a very hard labour, it was longer and more difficult on her body than I ever thought it could be, but she was extremely brave throughout. I am so proud of her. “I didn’t do anything, but I’m so grateful to you for everything that you’ve done.”