Immediately, my heart started pounding so loudly I could hear it in my ears. We were standing incredibly close on the steps of the apartment but I didn’t feel loved, attracted, or wanted. Instead, I felt fearful that my secret was going to get out. I was afraid that Dex was going to tell me he knew that Seth was his.
“I’m just going to cut right to it,” Dex said with a deep breath. “Who is Seth’s father?”
I looked up at him, knowing I couldn’t keep the secret any longer. I took a deep breath and finally said it:
“You, Dex. You’re Seth’s father.”
Chapter 13: Dex
“You, Dex,” she said with certainty and guilt. “You’re Seth’s father.”
The words surged through my head like fire and I stepped back, feeling my whole world spinning under my feet. I had that suspicion, which was why I took off and headed to South America. I had to clear my head, understand what I was telling myself. In the end though, I really thought she would say someone else
. I never thought someone would hide this kind of thing from me. Seth was almost five years old now and I missed out on all that time.
Immediately, my mind went to my own father and all the time we spent together while I was growing up. Sure, my father worked a lot but he was an extremely important part of my life, especially as a young boy. Seth liked to draw buildings just like me, he held his pencil just like me, and he laughed loudly just like I did. I was so confused, I had so much to offer but at the same time had no idea how I was going to do so. All this time Seth could have been learning, understanding, and growing with me there to help. Instead, I was flying all over the world and dreaming of one-night stands with his mother. In the end though, none of this was my fault. I never knew Seth was my child. I hadn’t even thought about it until that day after the pumpkin patch. God, the pumpkin patch. I carried that child around on my shoulders, cuddled with him, and really learned who he was without knowing that he was mine. I had a son, a four-year-old child. He was mine and Casey kept him from me. She never even told me the truth. Not once in all these years.
Everything was moving so fast and Casey just stood there with her hands clutched in front of her and tears in her eyes. She must have thought I was a monster, just leaving and never coming back or calling. But at the same time, she was my sister’s best friend, she could have gotten hold of me at any point. As my thoughts turned to my sister, I felt a fresh wave of rage rush through my veins. No one could tell me that Natalie didn’t know about this. Even if Casey tried to keep it a secret, my sister was so much smarter than that, she would have seen right through it. But again, no one told me, not even a mention or blurb. In fact, I didn’t even know the child existed until I showed up at Casey’s apartment a week after Natalie’s wedding. If I hadn’t done that, I would have gone the rest of my life not knowing about my own son.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I was angry and I didn’t even try to hide it but her response was not what I expected.
“Everything was a total surprise,” she said, shaking her head. “I was a virgin when we slept together. It never even crossed my mind that I could get pregnant. God, it was my first time. That sort of thing just doesn’t happen.”
I looked up at her in shock. She was a virgin and I didn’t even know it, nor did she give the faintest clue. I had not only taken her virginity on an old couch in her mother’s living room but I knocked her up at the same time. I wanted to feel guilty but with all of this new information, the only emotion I could hold onto was anger.
“You should have told me.” I growled.
“You were out of the country,” she said flippantly. “It’s not like you were down the street. And besides, what was I supposed to do? Call you up and say ‘Hey this is Casey, the girl you did on the couch on Christmas Eve. Just wanted to tell you I was a virgin and now I’m pregnant. Safe travels!’ No, that wasn’t something that could be said over the phone, Dex. Not that you left your phone number anyway.”
“You are best friends with my sister,” I said loudly. “You could have gotten ahold of me if you wanted to.”
“You were off chasing your dreams, making billions, building resorts,” she said, starting to pace back and forth. “You didn’t have time to be there for some girl from Brooklyn. You made it very clear you were not a family man.”
“How did I do that?”
“Oh, come on, Dex. It’s splashed all over the gossip columns. You are a playboy. You may be sweet and kind but you don’t have time for long relationships much less raising a child,” she said. “It takes a lot more than money to raise a little boy.”
“You think I don’t know that?” I was livid. “You never even gave me a chance to make that choice.”
“I don’t know,” she said, shaking her head. “I was also afraid that you would think I was trying to get money from you or something. I am not a gold digger. I didn’t want or need your money.”
“Why does money always have to be an issue?” I ran my hands through my hair and looked up at the sky. “God, now I understand my father’s irritation with my mother all those years. She always thought things out and never actually considered my father’s feelings.”
“I had a quite a bit going on.” She snapped. “I’m sorry I didn’t consider your feelings.”
“Why didn’t you tell me when I come back?” I felt guilty about the fact that she did it all alone and tried to calm my nerves.
“Because you were the same Dex. The business obsessed guy looking for a fling. I was afraid, if I told you, that you would leave… or worse, try to take Seth from me. I don’t want a custody battle, that little boy has been through enough. He has a loving family and people that really would give up their whole worlds for them. People who have given up their whole worlds for him. I didn’t want him to be some toy that got shuffled back and forth between the Manhattan rich life and my Brooklyn walk up. So, I made the choice to keep it a secret and until recently, no one knew but me.”
I paced back and forth, trying to get ahold of my anger. How could she go all these years and not tell me? And what if there was a custody battle? I had a right to my son and I was kept in the dark all these years. She thought I wouldn’t be a good father because I was rich and had a company to run. My father was rich with an empire to build but he was still a good dad. I felt like she was judging me because she wasn’t rich, because she didn’t understand the world I lived in. I was trying to do everything I could to control how my tumultuous emotions.
“How dare you keep a secret like this because you didn’t think I would be a good father,” I blurted out. “How would you even know if you didn’t give me a chance?”
“That is not what I meant and you know it,” she said angrily. “And besides, there is nothing wrong with protecting your child. There is nothing wrong with me fearing that you would take him from me. There is nothing wrong with me being afraid that you would treat your relationship with him the same way you did the one with me. That little boy can’t handle, nor should he, having someone he loves just skip out of town without a word. You are acting awfully high and mighty for someone who wined and dined my whole family, spent quality time with my little boy, and then just left bailed. Seth has been asking for you since you left and I have no idea what to tell him. How do you think that would affect him if he knew you were his father?”
“But that’s not the case!” I yelled. “You didn’t even give me the chance to make the right decision. You can’t hold that over my head when I was completely oblivious to the fact that I was supposed to be there, that I shouldn’t leave.”
“No,” she said, pointing her finger at me. “That was a very good precursor to what my son could expect. Regardless of whether you knew or not, you got close with both of us and bolted. I don’t have the luxury of just walking away when things get scary. My son needs stability.”