Broken

“Mom,” I call out loudly. “I’m going.”

“Where are you going?” she replies, coming to join me in the hallway by the front door. “And why do you have that big rucksack?”

“I’m moving, Mom. I’m finally going.”

“Oh.” She looks understandable stunned. “Right, I see. Where are you going.”

The words roll off my tongue feeling so damn good. “New Zealand.”

Mom clutches her chest looking like she might throw up. “You can’t leave the country,” she gasps. “You can’t just go like that.”

“I’m an adult, Mom, I can do what I like.” I resist the urge to roll my eyes.

“Your father won’t like it.” She shakes her head rapidly. “He’ll stop giving you money. You’ll be stuck out there in a different country all by yourself.”

I think about the money that I already have in my bank account and shrug. I have more than enough to get me started, even without a steady influx, and I’ll just get a job when I’m out there. No problem. Actually, the idea of starting again all by myself with the pressure of having to do something with my life is nice. I feel like that’s exactly what I need right now.

“I know, Mom.” I shrug. “But this is what I have to do.”

With that I open the door and I scoot outside without looking back once. I know I’m making the right choice, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. I need this. I need to go.

Chapter Twelve - Tia

One Month Later…

“Oh my God, I needed this night out,” my new best friend, Ashley, smirks and rolls her eyes. “Work is really riding my ass at the moment.”

“Yeah, me too,” I comment idly. I don’t mind though, I like the hard work. Landing the position as a staff writer for one of the smaller newspapers in Wellington was a pleasant shock and just proved to me that leaving America was the best thing for me… a fact that I have confirmed to me every single day. “Good job it’s Julia’s birthday then.”

“Where is Julia?” Ashley puts her hand over her eye and scans the night club as if she’s just going to find her. The place i

s absolutely packed, I have to say I don’t think she’s got much luck in finding anyone, least of all Julia. “Is she with Nick?”

“Who’s Nick?” I’m new to this group of friends, which I think they forget sometimes. I’ve only been in New Zealand for a month, but I have to admit it feels like much longer even to me. Sometimes it’s my life in America that seems like the distant dream and that I’ve always been here. All the drama with my parents, it feels like someone else’s problem now. It feels so disconnected from me, it’s wonderful. “Is he her boyfriend?”

“Boyfriend is a strong word,” she chuckles and nudges me playfully in the side. “More like fuck buddy. He’s hot though, so I don’t blame her. I sure as hell would!”

“You aren’t thinking about it… are you?” I might only really know this lot from work, but they don’t seem like the disloyal type. “Not if Julia likes him.”

“Oh God no.” She shakes her head. “You know I’m only interested in Mr. Serscey.”

Urgh, our boss. I have no idea what Ashley sees in him, but then I suppose it’s each to their own. Everyone has their own tastes and if that’s the sort of man she likes then at least we won’t ever fight over a guy. I don’t much go for the older, slightly balding, definitely married types. I much prefer people without attachments, closer to my age.

“Right, sure.” I shake my empty glass at Ashley indicating that I need to top up. “I’m headed to the bar. Do you want anything?”

She holds up her bottle of beer and smiles. “Yes please. I’m headed to the bathroom. Maybe Julia is in there… hopefully by herself. I’ll meet you back around here in a bit?”

I know that won’t happen, losing friends in a night club is just standard, but I don’t mind. I actually feel much freer and confident here in New Zealand. It makes me realize just how tightly wound I was in America. Even at college I was like a coil ready to spring. No wonder things didn’t work out between me and Liam…

Not that I’m thinking about Liam anymore. I don’t really think about anyone in that way. Of course, it’s challenging not to think about Stephen because I’m in his home town. I often wonder what he would be doing if he were still alive and living here. Would he come to night clubs such as this one or would he be too cool? Would he be playing gigs all over the city or would he still be struggling to find his fame? Maybe this is the sort of place he used to come before he made the journey over to America. I just don’t know. I wish I did, but I don’t.

I keep his pick with me the whole time, just wanting to keep his spirit alive. Just because we didn’t know each other for a long time, doesn’t mean he didn’t affect me. Meeting him drove me to this place and helped me to find my happiness. I will always be grateful to him for that. It is a shame that he isn’t here to share this journey with me, but I suppose I cannot change what’s already happened. It is what it is, I just need to make the best of what my life is right now. At least it’s good, at least I’m happy now. That’s the most important thing.

I wave goodbye to Ashley, hoping that I’ll at least be able to find her before the night is up, and I push my way through the throngs of the crowd, trying desperately not to get stuck in the sweaty, swaying bodies. I can see the bar up there in the distance, but with the effort it’ll take me to get there, it feels like a mountain I have to climb.

I sigh loudly and wipe some perspiration off my forehead. It’s just lucky that I’m much more casual about how I look these days and I don’t mind the natural look. I have a little bit of make up on but it’s not enough to get melted or smudged by the intense heat that’s floating through this room. I wipe my wet hand down on the skirt of my black summery dress and I push my way forward. I really do need a drink and this is the only way I’m going to get one.

“Oof.” Someone bangs into the back of me and sends me flying forward. I bash into the person in front of me but as I start to apologize I realize that she’s too intoxicated to care. Instead, my eyes automatically fly around to find the person who bashed into me.