Broken

“I… I’m sorry,” I reply with a sharp shake of the head. “I know I’m not supposed to be distracted anymore, but something has come up and it’s something that I need to deal with.”

“I didn’t mean any offense when I said that, boss. I honestly didn’t.” Hank looks taken aback and I can hardly blame him. “It’s just… well, if you’re in love then we all know what we’re up against. It’s not a bad thing, we just know that boring details about a building can’t compete to that of a pretty face.” He pats me on the arm. “We’ve all been there, boss.”

I can’t stop the smile from spreading across my face. I know I don’t love Lola, and that I can’t ever love her even if I want to, but I can use that as an excuse for now. “Yes, I suppose that is the case. I don’t know why I didn’t just say that before. Now she needs me. She has a family medical emergency to deal with. I think I need to be there. Can you handle everything here?”

“Oh, I can handle it, don’t you worry about that. You just go and make this girl fall in love with you too… if she isn’t already.”

I can’t dignify that with an answer, I just need to get the hell out of here. I give Hank a grateful smile and I race to my car. I probably could walk to the hospital, but I want to get there quickly. I need to speak to the receptionist I dealt with on the phone, I want to catch her while she’s still on the desk so I can get the bill dealt with in a quick and discrete manner.

Once I hop into the car and I race towards the hospital I realize that looking at all these auditions, there isn’t any way they can happen here. I might want her to get everything that she’s ever dreamed about, and I might be the one who can open the right doors for her, but she really is stuck here. Her father needs her.

The realization that there isn’t any other option for us hits me hard, making me consider my feelings deeply. Maybe I do like her in all the ways that I’m not supposed to which is very hopeless. I never wanted to be the sort of guy that fell in love ever, I certainly don’t want to be the guy who falls in love with someone who I can’t be with.

I might have to distance myself from Lola once all of this is done. Maybe, for both of our sakes I need to stop seeing her quite so much. We are acting too much like we’re a couple. It isn’t healthy for either of us…

***

“Thank you,” I say with relief to the woman as I get my credit card

back. “Now you have all my information, you can take the payment once it’s all done.”

I feel good knowing that I’ve helped. I’ve also asked the receptionist not to say anything to Lola or her father. I want this to be an anonymous donation, nothing more. Especially if I don’t want to deepen things between me and Lola. I don’t want her to see what I’ve done as a sweet thing and for her to feel deeper for me. If she’s falling for me it’ll be impossible for me to not fall for her.

“Thank you, Sir. All is done. Very kind of you.”

“Kind, but secret,” I remind her. “Thank you.”

With a deep sigh of relief I take a step backwards and my shoulders sag. Now that I’ve done what needs to be done, I’m back to not knowing what to do with myself. This sensation is so strange, in the city I always know what to do. I’m never stuck, feeling hopeless and a little lonely. Everything about this town is really messing with my mind.

Now, I guess I could go back to the building site, I could see how Hank and the others are getting on, although I know they don’t really need me, or I could head back to the depressing motel room staring at the blank, four walls. Urgh, no, even the idea of that place makes me want to throw up. It’s just a shame that I’ll have to spend more time there now. I can’t stay at Lola’s anymore if we’re going to be a bit more separate. I better get used to it.

I spin on my heels and start moving towards the door, preparing myself for what’s to come. But before I make it to the door, a hang claps over my shoulder which make me jump. For some reason, the sensation that I’ve just been caught doing something naughty fills me right up. My heart pounds, my stomach churns, my lungs squeeze tight…

And then I see her.

“Lola?” I gasp, feeling even worse. She isn’t supposed to know that I’ve been here. “I… I…”

“What are you doing here?” she asks in a shocked voice. “Did you come to see me?”

“No,” I shoot back rapidly, before realizing that’s stupid. What other excuse could I have? “Yes. I don’t want to intervene, I just want to check that you’re okay.”

She doesn’t look okay to me, she looks more stressed than I’ve ever seen her before. But I don’t point that out.

“So why are you walking towards the door then?”

I hang my head in shame. What a mess I’ve gotten myself into! “I guess I just thought you might not want to see me. I’m sorry.”

Chapter 11 – Lola

I pause for a moment as shock races through my system. Not only am I stunned that Brandon is here, but I’m also completely freaked out that he thinks I might not want him around. We’ve been growing closer, getting more connected to one another, learning and opening up. It’s starting to feel like maybe it could be more than it’s supposed to be.

“It’s okay that you’re here,” I tell him softly as I slip my fingers through his. The warmth of his skin feels wonderful against mine. “Did you want to come and meet my father?”

“It isn’t really a good time, is it?” he asks cautiously. Is it me or does he actually look scared? “I don’t think he’ll want to meet me while he’s in the hospital, will he?”

“He’s out at the moment. High on a lot of drugs and mostly asleep. So, I guess you won’t really be meeting him… but I could use some company if you don’t mind. Unless you have to get back to work, of course? I don’t want to get in the way of business…”

“I’ll come with you.” His face breaks out into a smile but I can still see the anxiety there. I feel bad for him, I didn’t mean for him to be frightened. “Anything to help, you know me.”