“I know what you mean,” I muse thoughtfully. “I didn’t think I’d feel that way since my last exam was a week ago, I assumed I’d have plenty of time to come to terms with leaving, but now it’s really hitting me.”
I stare at the girl who’s been my closest friend for what feels like forever, and my eyes fill with tears. I didn’t expect to be so emotional, but I really am. “You will keep in touch with me, won’t you?” I beg.
“That’s what the Internet is for.” She tries to look blasé, but I think she might be struggling with this too. “We can talk through social media all the time, it’ll be like we haven’t even left, won’t it?”
I cock my head curiously at her. “Of course, it will! Living together and sending the odd message to each other won’t be the same thing. We have to make sure that we meet up all the time to hang out. I don’t want to lose you.” I grab her arms and give her as much of a smile as I can muster. “We’ll still hang out, I promise you.”
Rachel shakes her head, still not convinced. “You’re going to the city, aren’t you? To work for the newspaper, you’ve interned at over the summer. I’m headed back home to work in a school. We’ll be miles apart.”
I don’t want to hear it, not even for a second. I know my life’s changing, I’ve been trying to prepare for it, but it’s too many dramatic changes all in one go. I don’t know if I can hack it. I can’t lose Rachel, I’ll need her.
“Don’t say that,” I blurt out, the tears finally starting to spill out. “I know that it won’t be the same, but if we both make the effort to hang out, we can make it happen, can’t we? Please tell me that we can.”
She really has been an awesome person to me. She’s helped me whenever times have been tough. When I’ve struggled with work or the times I found it a challenge to adjust to what Jordan wants to do for his career. I’ve done the same for her too. I’ve pulled her out of dark holes when she’s made bad choices with guys, or she’s felt like she’s falling behind in classes. We can’t go through all of that and come out of it with nothing. The bond I have with her is like nothing else. I won’t ever be able to share the college experience with someone else.
“Of course,” she finally relents when she sees how upset I am. “It’s not that I don’t want to, I’m just scared at getting my hopes up and then never seeing you again. I’m going to miss you so much…”
Then she’s crying too. We both sob like fools while clutching onto one another. There’s no preparing myself for something like this. I thought there might be, I’ve really tried, but saying goodbye to the life that’s provided me with so much stability for three long years is done now, over. This isn’t like finishing high school. Then, I was glad to be out. Even though I had friends at school, I didn’t feel so connected to them that I couldn’t let them go. I walked away without much of a glance backwards. They were friends, but only for school. Even during all the times, me and Jordan went back to our home town during the breaks, I didn’t yearn to see any of them.
Now, I don’t think I’ll ever go back again. Maybe for brief visits to see my parents, but nothing too dramatic. I have my future to look forward to and none of that involves going back home. Onwards and upwards!
But my friends here… well, Rachel mainly, I don’t want to say goodbye to her. I know that I’ll work to keep our friendship alive. I’ll take time off, I’ll travel to see her, I want to keep her in my life.
“It won’t be long until I can come and see you,” I eventually gasp out. “Once Jordan has completed his ten weeks of basic training, he’ll start on his next regime which could take him anywhere.”
I gulp, the reality of that hitting all over again. Much as I’m more adjusted to the idea of him being in the armed forces and leaving me for a lot of the time, I still don’t know how much I’ll like it. I’m so used to him being around. I don’t know how it’s going to feel to not have that. I suppose it’s good that I’ll be so busy. I won’t have time to be sitting around missing him… I hope. I guess that’s something I’ll figure out as I go.
“Okay, well as soon as you can, we’ll arrange something. I think I’m going to need a break. I’m moving back in with my folks while I save up some money, so that’s going to be absolute torture.”
I moan knowingly. I don’t think I’d be able to do that! It’s not that I have a bad relationship with my parents or anything, we get on just fine, but after having all the freedom college brings, I don’t think I could go back.
“Oh, I’ll be sure to come and rescue you as soon as you can then. You’re going to need it!”
“Thank God the guys from the football team have organized this big ‘going away’ party.” Rachel rolls her eyes in an over the top manner. “I need a big blow out before it’s back to real life. This has been a bubble, hasn’t it? It’s kept us sheltered from real life and now… well, now I don’t think I’m ready to go back to it.”
“We’ll make it a good one,” I reply determinedly, needing her to know that I get her sadness. I don’t have to go backwards. I have Jordan and my career to delve right into. Much as it’
s scary and I don’t know what’s going to happen, it’s a positive step in the right direction. “We’ll make it the best night of our lives.”
“Urgh, but what if Tom is there?” She snorts with derision. “That didn’t end well, did it?”
Surprisingly, the next time I saw Tom he had his tongue down Rachel’s throat in the middle of our second year. It was a nice shock at first, I thought they would make an awesome couple and I’d still get to be friends with him, but as it turned out he has a real dark side to him. He certainly isn’t the nice guy he pretended to be on the first night I met him. Or the first few weeks that him and Rachel were together. I had a lucky escape.
“If we see Tom, we’ll run in the opposite direction.” I pat her on the arm. “It’ll be fine, honest.”
“Oh, and Zane. Urgh.” She shakes her head, unimpressed. “I really have made some bad choices. Maybe it’s good that we’re leaving here. I think I might need a fresh start. I think I might just avoid men forever.”
I laugh because we both know that isn’t going to happen. There’s no way she won’t meet a guy the moment she gets back home. I just hope he turns out to be the love of her life rather than another douche bag.
“Knock, knock.” At that moment, Jordan pops his head around the door, beaming. “How are you both?”
I stiffen, wondering if this is a bad time for Rachel. We’re just in the middle of talking about how disastrous her love life has been and my wonderful man walks through the door. But she likes Jordan, they get on very well, so it isn’t too much of a shock when her face breaks into a smile. Thank goodness. I don’t want to hide my happiness when I feel compelled to yell it from the rooftops, but I also don’t want to rub it in my friend’s face.
“Hey, Jordan,” she says gaily. “You look happy. We’ve just been weeping like babies, would you believe.”
Jordan chuckles and nods. “That doesn’t surprise me at all. You’re so emotional you two. Not me, I’m glad to leave. I mean, I’ve had fun and everything, but I can’t wait to move on. I’m excited.”
“And you don’t have any emotions about going? Nothing about the last three years clings to you and makes you sad? There’s not one sentimental bone in your body that’s scared to let go? Come on, Jordan!”