“Yeah,” she said, looking down at me. “He’s in and out so much, and he has started to learn when he can come and go without being noticed. I mean, I can’t be there with him every second. Someone has to make the money. Luckily, I give him an allowance for whatever he needs, and it's not enough to gamble with. Other than that, he has no ability to get to the money.”
I was frustrated with her response, not because I was frustrated with her, but because she was in this situation to begin with. She talked about it so nonchalantly, but I figured for her, it was old hat. She had dealt with it since she was a teenager, and before that, I was sure she took notice of what her mother was going through. At that point in her life, she should have been living the dream, having friends, going out, being with me in my soft, cushy bed. Instead, she was rushing home to catch her father sneaking out as if he were her child and she was trying to keep him out of trouble. I couldn’t even start to imagine what she went through on a regular basis. She was completely exhausted every time I saw her, and I assumed she wasn’t getting very much sleep.
Although her response irritated me, I understood that she was willing to go through hell and back with her father, no matter how much it affected her. All the understanding in the world, though, couldn’t take away the fact that I wanted her close to me where I knew she was safe and happy. For now, however, I was going to respect her wishes and not try to step in and save the day like I really wanted to. I knew there was no easy answer to any of this, and I would have to take her lead on the subject.
We got dressed and took a few more sips of the wine from dinner before leaving the house and jumping in the car. We pulled out of my neighborhood and headed for her place on the other side of town. As we drove down the strip, the waves crashing in the dark next to us, I couldn’t help shake thoughts of her father. I wanted to do anything I could to make life easier on Josie, but I didn’t even know where to start. She had become the expert on trying to fix a man that really didn’t want to be fixed in the first place.
“Is there anything I can do to help with your father’s situation?”
“I don’t know,” she said, sighing. “I mean, I’ve been doing my very best to keep him accountable, but he gets in these moods where he is tired of me watching him like a hawk. So, when I’m not looking, he runs away, forgetting that he will have to explain himself to me when he comes back. I’ve been trying to help him for many years, trying to offer him coping mechanisms, alternatives, and anything that I can to get him off this train, but he just snubs me. He won’t even check into the gambling program the hospital had given him information on the last time he was mugged by the casinos.”
“He was mugged?”
“That is what he said,” she replied. “I mean, I don’t even know what to believe anymore. He has been doing really well lately, but it’s about time for him to have another relapse. They always seem to be lurking around the corner with him. I’m just afraid he is going to get caught up with the wrong people at some point. I know he has a problem, but the last thing I want to see is him get hurt.”
We pulled up in front of the house and looked at the dark windows. I could see her worried face, and I wondered if her father was inside sleeping, or if he’d stayed out, wandering around town, looking to get his next gambling fix. She was at her wit's end with him and was seriously starting to consider bringing someone else in for another intervention. Personally, I didn’t know how much longer I could just stand by and let her be dragged through the mud. Her father could be ninety years old and still have this problem. She couldn’t spend the rest of her life taking care of him like he was a child. I sighed and looked over at Josie, who was staring at me kindly.
“I want you to know I’m always here,” I said, taking her hand. “Anything you need, you just pick up the phone and call. I know you can be stubborn, but I mean it. No matter what time it is, you can always look to me for support.”
I leaned over and kissed her sweetly, thanking her for an amazing night. I took in a deep breath and watched her get out of the car, walk up to the door, then turn around and wave at me. She was an amazing woman, and she knew that she could count on me for anything. The question in my mind was whether she would actually do that when the time came.
14
Josie
I was having one of those days where I just wanted to crawl under the covers and go back to bed, hoping the day would either restart on a better note or pass by. My mind was all over the place. When one of my students puked all over another student, I really felt like I was going to have an emotional breakdown. To make matters worse, my father was not home when Blaine had dropped me off, and he never showed up back at the house. I tried to call him several times, but his phone was either off or dead. Even when the phone would ring, he didn’t pick it up, and my emotions ranged from terrified to pissed off in the blink of an eye.
I got the sick student cleaned up and sent them both down to the office to call their parents. One needed a change of clothes, and the other just needed to go home. The janitor cleaned up the mess and left the room smelling much better. When lunchtime rolled around, I was dreading my tutoring. I was hungry since I didn’t eat breakfast, and I needed some quiet time. The feeling didn’t last long, though, as I looked up at the door and smiled, seeing Blaine walking into my classroom. He set a bag down on the desk and looked around the room. He had surprised me with sushi for lunch, something I loved, but barely ever had time or money to get.
“You didn’t have to do this,” I said, pulling the trays out.
“Yes, I did,” he said, winking. “I wanted to make sure you were getting a healthy lunch when you gave up your free hour to tutor your kids. Someone needs to take care of you.”
I was completely taken back, blown away by the amount of caring and kindness he was showing me. From the sounds of his stories from the past, he was not this nice before me, and I wondered what had changed so deeply inside of him that he’d transformed from the rich playboy to the doting and generous boyfriend, or whatever label accurately described what was going on between us. I was just happy to see his face, food or not, and I offered for him to sit down and eat with me. I laughed as he pulled up one of the small chairs that surrounded the small tables across the room.
“What grade is this?”
“I teach fourth grade,” I replied. “And then I teach focused American History when they start moving from classroom to classroom. It really changes every year, but I like this grade because I get to teach a little bit of everything except art, music, and physical education. Art would be fun, but the other two, I would be absolutely useless.”
“You want to come veg out at my place tonight?” he asked, rubbing my head. “We’ll just cuddle under the blankets and watch movies.”
“I would love to, but I really want to stay at home and wait for my dad to get back,” I replied.
“He still hasn’t shown up?”
“No,” I said, sighing. “He’s not answering his phone, either.”
“Well, why don’t I come over there and wait with you?” he offered. “There’s a really great action movie I’ve heard rave reviews about. We can order some pizza and be lazy together.”
“Okay,” I said hesitantly.
I was having a hard time having him back over to my house. He lived in the lap of luxury, and part of me felt bad for forcing him to hang out in my tiny little house. Still, I couldn’t deny the fact that I really didn’t want to be alone, staring at the door and waiting for my father to walk in. At that point, I was about forty-eight hours away from filing a missing person report. Either way, I didn’t want to force him to come hang out at my shitty place, but I couldn’t muster enough care to tell him no.
Surprisingly, he seemed excited about the thought of coming over, his eyes widening and his face changing expression. He continued to talk about this movie with a bounce in his step, as if he really thought it would be som
ething that got me going. Just hearing him blabber on about the movie made me feel better, and I realized that whenever he felt excited about something, I did too. It was like his emotions were rubbing off on me. I thought it was interesting and wondered how it worked in the opposite situation. Would his sadness or anger change how I felt?
The feeling of excitement and all of his plans for this movie were infectious, and he quickly buoyed my confidence until I was at the point where I was really looking forward to him coming over. In fact, I couldn’t wait for the school day to be finished so I could stuff myself with pizza and curl up with Blaine on the couch. It sounded like the perfect ending to a shitty day. At least I knew that no matter how I felt when I got home, I could count on him to bring my spirits up, even if I was destined for a pizza-induced coma and a bad action movie. I couldn’t complain. Blaine had been so sweet and patient when I forced several chick flicks onto him, and now, it was my turn to return the favor. It was Blaine’s turn to be treated like a king.