“No,” I said sternly. “I never lied to you. You just refused to see things as more than just black and white. I told you exactly what my doctor told me. I do have PCOS, and it was confirmed with my specialist. You only heard what you wanted to hear. The doctor told me there was a slim chance of me getting pregnant, which didn’t mean that it was a hundred percent no chance of me ever getting pregnant. Do you know how much time it took for me to figure that out? It took one extra doctor’s visit, Jordan. One. You didn’t care enough to stick around and even find me a second opinion. You didn’t care enough to push forward and see what could be done to correct the situation.”
“You pretty much told me you were never going to be able to have children,” he argued back. “I don’t remember you ever saying anything about slim or maybe.”
“Because you only heard what you wanted to hear,” I said angrily.
I watched as his face changed from contemplative back to angry. One thing about Jordan that made arguing difficult was the fact that he never wanted to admit that he could be wrong for even a second. He would argue his point beyond all sense, rationality, or reason. It was very frustrating.
“I never said there was a hundred percent chance that I would never get pregnant. I never said never,” I argued quietly. “Do you think that finding out that I couldn’t have children was easy for me? Did you think that maybe when I came home to talk to you, I was feeling confused, angry, and upset? You didn’t even try to be there for me. You didn’t even try to listen to what I had to say, a lot like right now. You are so damn stubborn that you won’t open your ears and really listen. I never, not once, said there was no chance at all. You heard what you wanted to hear, and you took that information and left me all alone. You broke my spirit, Jordan. You sent me packing without any explanation or caring, and after all the years we had been together. I didn’t just lose a husband that day. I lost the possibility of having children, I lost my best friend, my relationship, and the only family I ever knew. What you did was so wrong on so many levels. I can’t even begin to tell you what you put me through. While you were out there picking up chicks at the bar, reveling in your freedom, I was at home picking the pieces of myself off the floor, all while keeping the secret as to why you chose to end the relationship so people wouldn’t look poorly at you.”
I didn’t know why, but at that moment, my emotions kicked into high gear. Maybe it was the hormones from the pregnancy, maybe it was the pent-up anger I had for Jordan, but either way, I was on a roll, and I didn’t see myself stopping. I slammed the folders on the desk, drawing the attention of the people in the surrounding areas. Tears began to run down my cheeks as anger simmered in my belly, beginning to bubble over. I pointed my finger at Jordan and walked forward, my voice raising three levels as I continued.
“If you thought for one second that I would come running back to you after what you put me through, you were dead wrong. You keep telling everyone that I left you, but that is complete and total bullshit, and you know it. The day I told you about my condition, you bolted, leaving me alone to grieve it. Well, you know what happened? I never did. I was so wrapped up in the fact that my new husband of three months had left me. Abandoned me when I was in pain. I actually started to think up ways to make myself better so you would come back. I actually thought I wasn’t good enough for you. In the end, though, the truth was, you weren’t good enough for me.”
I turned around, wiping the tears from my cheek and looking at the crowd that had gathered. People were already talking about me behind my back, and now, they had all seen me completely lose it on Jordan. Great, even more for people to whisper about behind my back now. Just what I needed. I paused for a moment and gathered myself before pushing through the onlookers and making my way to John’s office. I just didn’t see how I was going to be able to continue to come to work every day and be ridiculed by the staff over a situation they knew nothing about.
I knocked on John’s door and entered, closing the door behind me. I sat down in the chair across from his desk and took a deep breath, feeling my emotions getting the best of me. John looked up at me and alarm shot across his face once he saw my bloodshot eyes and tear-streaked cheeks.
“I wanted to know if there was a way that I could work remotely,” I asked.
“Is everything okay with the baby?” He sat up in his chair with concern.
“Yes,” I said, shaking my head. “Everything is fine with the baby. It’s just that coming to this office is starting to become more stressful than I think I could handle. There are rumors flying everywhere, and though I know that I am responsible for those rumors with my break up with Jordan and my relationship with Jason, it isn’t fair, and it is making for a hostile work environment for myself and for Jason. I don’t speak on his behalf at all, but the whispers and stares are really hard to withstand day in and day out.”
“I understand where you are coming from, but I need you in an office, not at home,” he said kindly. “I could transfer you to our San Diego office and have you fly home on the weekends if that would help.”
“I don’t know,” I sighed. “That’s an eight-hour flight both ways. Can I have some time to think about it?”
“Of course,” he said with a kind smile. “Take all the time you need. But know that it isn’t a permanent solution to your problem, and with the pregnancy, I don’t know how healthy it would be to take that option. You should take a deep breath and think about. Talk to Jason, he’s a level-headed person who can give you some really good insight.”
“I will.” I smiled at him, though it felt rather forced. “Thank you, John.”
“Anytime,” he said as I walked toward the door. “And remember my door is always open.”
I nodded and walked out of the office feeling completely torn about what to do. On one hand, going to San Diego would keep the stress of this whole thing off my shoulders, but it would only be temporary. I was in a relationship with Jason, and I loved him. We were getting ready to start a family together and jetting off to San Diego to run away from my problems would just make things worse. But this situation seemed ridiculous and hopeless, and the people in the office were ruthless. As I turned the corner, I could see several of the women huddled together staring over at me. I rushed past and into my office, shutting the door and leaning back against it. I was so damn confused, and I knew I could talk to Jason, but without a doubt, he would never go for me flying back and forth between here and San Diego.
I sat down at my desk and put my head in my hands. I felt completely helpless and lost with no clue of what I should do. There was no way I was going to be able to continue to fight with Jordan. I refused to spend my life making all my decisions based on whether Jordan would be happy or upset. I was no longer his wife and shouldn’t have to deal with his attitude and disregard for the truth. He was Jason’s brother, which meant I couldn’t completely cut him out, but something had to happen and it had to happen fast. I did not want to be the reason that he and his brother didn’t have a relationship. I refused to be the piece of the puzzle that broke the entire thing. I shook my head, thinking about my life three months ago, wondering how everything had gotten turned so upside down. I wanted to talk to Jason about it, but at the same time, I knew he was fearful that I was going to leave him for Jordan.
I was completely at a loss of what to do.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Jason
I sat back in my chair, rubbing my eyes and thankful that the work day was finally over. I had spent all day worried about Tiffany, and though she wasn’t coming back to my place that night, I just was glad she was going home to rest and take a deep breath. By the end of the day, she had seemed almost worse than when I saw her in the breakroom. I hugged her and caressed her before walking her out to her car. Something serious was plaguing her, and it most likely had something to do with the argument with Jordan in the conference room. I hated the gossip in my office with a passion, but it did allow me to know what was going on without trying to force it from Tiffany. The women in the back near the conference area told me what Jordan said. They also told me how upset Tiffany had gotten and how she was crying and yelling before slamming down her folders and marching off to my father’s office. I tried to ask my dad about it, but he told me it was something I was going to have to take up with Tiffany. I decided to give her the evening to recover, and I would bring it up to her later. At that current moment, though, I gathered my things quickly and took off toward the garage, hurrying to catch my brother. I wanted to confront him about the things he said, but I didn’t want to start the day off on the wrong foot. I waited unti
l work was over.
There was a lot to be said between the two of us, but first, I needed him to come to the realization that he was no longer in charge of Tiffany. He had to start understanding that he couldn’t destroy every single good thing we had every time he felt left out, lonely, or jealous. He had ended his life with Tiffany, and I had begun one, no matter how unusual or taboo it seemed. There was something special between Tiffany and I, and I had never felt the way I did about her toward anyone else. I had a beautiful girlfriend, a baby on the way, and so many things to be happy about, but instead, I was sitting here chasing down my brother so I could tell him exactly how it was. I should be at home with Tiffany, planning a nursery, talking about the baby, and basking in that feeling of excitement that I had been forced to hide away for my brother’s sake. Well, it was going to stop, and it was going to stop right then. I did not want to go through another day where I had to worry about my relationship and how my brother was guilt tripping my girlfriend because he had made a choice to divorce her over something she couldn’t control. Enough was enough.
“Hey,” I yelled out jogging toward my brother’s car. He sighed and rolled his eyes.
“What?” He was irritated, and I could tell I was the last person he wanted to be talking to.
“I want you to leave Tiffany alone,” I said sternly. “You have put her through enough, and I’m tired of you taking every special happy moment she has and turning it into a battle. You aren't the victim that you are trying to play. All you’re doing is making life really hard for her, and it is starting to piss me off.”
“Look,” he said sternly. “I’m not in the mood to have a conversation with you. In fact, I’m not in the mood to look at your face at all. You stole Tiffany from me, and I’m tired of bowing down to your perfect little life.”
I gritted my teeth and stared at him angrily. How dare he turn this around on me. First, he makes Tiffany into the villain, and now that he has run out of steam on that one, he’s trying to make me out to be the villain. It pissed me off so bad that he could never take responsibility for his own actions. It pissed me off that he used these twisting tactics so that he didn’t have to feel guilty for his actions. He was becoming a severe scab on my life, and it was about time it ended.