Fatal Attraction (Dark Desires 4)

“I will. I’ll… yeah, I’ll be careful.” Urgh, I hate myself. So much. “You look after yourself as well.”

“Okay, sure, I will.” She sounds sad, maybe even heart broken. “Speak to you soon. Goodbye.”

I hope the hell my phone hasn’t been tapped. I don’t know how to bring up that she might need to watch her back. That’ll really freak her out I can just see her getting irrationally worried already. I don’t want that for her.

As I hang up the phone, I fell awful. I don’t usually make a habit of drinking after work but I head straight into the kitchen and I grab myself a tumbler to pour some whiskey into it. I need to dull the pain. I might not have known Cici for long but losing her is agony. I despise pushing her away. I don’t want to think about her sad little face as I reject her once more. She might already be falling onto massive hate with me.

Once I’ve poured the amber liquid into the glass, I squeeze it so tight that for a moment I fear it might explode and shatter in my hand. I’m just so fucking pissed at everyone. Right now, I hate the damn world.

“Right,” I mutter to myself to give me a distraction. “Let’s read through these case files. Get something done.”

At least I haven’t totally lied. I did bring some work home with me. I’ve got everything from the last few years to scan through it all. Now that I’m stuck on this business park, I can’t get it out of my head. I know that the rest of my team don’t see what I do in it, but I can’t let it go. I just hope I’m right. If I’m not, I’m sure they’ll all think I’m crazy. It could damage my reputation completely. But I’m sure I’m right, I’m certain of it.

The words blur in front of my eyes but I don’t stop reading. I keep trying my hardest to let them soak in so I can forget about Cici, but she doesn’t go anywhere. Her red hair flicks around in the back of my brain, all I can see are her sparkly eyes, I can almost feel her soft skin between my fingers. God damn it, I miss her!

I grab my cell phone and I stare at her number, wondering how bad it’d be to just have her over once. One time wouldn’t be so bad, would it? I’ve been much more vigilant and I haven’t seen anyone around me. I’m pretty sure I’m alone tonight, so would it be so bad? The temptation itches in my finger tips, I can feel it gnawing. If only I didn’t care about her as much as I do, I would be calling her already, but I do. I care about her too much.

“Nope… work it is. Just work, that’s all I can think about right now. Work, work, work.”

I squeeze my eyes shut and I rub my head. I just need to get my eyes to focus, that’s all. So easy. So fucking easy, so why does it

feel so damn hard? Why do I feel like my head’s about to explode off my head?

Chapter Thirteen – Cici

I can’t stand the way that Michelle is looking at me, it makes me feel very uncomfortable. Mostly because I’m starting to see that maybe she’s right. I got lost in the fantasy, I allowed myself to believe the fairy tale in my mind might actually come true… all because I wanted it to. I’m an idiot, the biggest sucker of them all.

“Right, well I guess we can go out for drinks.” I give her a weak smile. “I’m not busy after all.”

Michelle cocks an eyebrow, but thankfully says nothing. I’m sure that won’t last though. She won’t be able to resist the ‘I told you so. I should’ve known, why didn’t I see this coming? I’m so dumb when it comes to men.

“Good, we can go and get something to eat. Anything you fancy? What about burgers and fries?”

Fries. Damn it, everything from here on out is going to remind me of Will. It’s going to be really hard to move past this non starting relationship. I wish he’d gotten bored of me sooner before I fell too hard. Then again, it hasn’t been long enough. I only have myself to blame. I should have more common sense.

“Burgers and fries yes. Wine… actually any alcohol no way.” I clutch my stomach. “I can’t hack it.”

Even though Michelle doesn’t understand the significance of fries and wine, she nods and agrees. “Sounds good. Let’s get to it, then we can head to The Bar which is just around the corner. Have a good catch up.”

Urgh, I hate The Bar when I’m sober but there’s no way I’m drinking. All of this has me sick. I’m nauseous, finding it challenging to concentrate, and just generally not myself. I know that I shouldn’t be searching for things I’ve done wrong, this is him not me, but every time I lose control of my brain, that’s where it goes first.

“Yeah, catch up, sure.” That just means a conversation about me and the mistakes I’ve made. “Good.”

A moroseness overcomes me as I walk next to Michelle. This is all a big surprise to me. I thought that me and Will were doing really good, I assumed things were just getting better between us. I wasn’t aware that he was about to pull away from me, stripping my heart from my chest and leaving me breathless. In a really bad way.

By the time we reach the burger place my mood is so low that I should’ve gone right home. I can’t see myself climbing out of this funk any time soon. It isn’t really fair on Michelle, I’m sure she doesn’t want to be stuck with a misery all night long. But I also don’t want her to feel sorry for me. That’s almost as bad as her telling me that she knew this would happen. I can handle a bit of heart ache, other people do it. I’ll be fine.

“Just the standard?” she asks as we walk inside and the warmth hits us. “I’ll get these for us.”

I nod and find a booth to sit in, preferably one where we can’t be seen. I can’t imagine Will ever coming here, but the last thing I want is to be unaware and in plain view for him to walk in with another woman on his arm. Now that we’re pulling apart, I’m cynical enough to know that might happen. Maybe not now, maybe not today, but I’m sure there’ll be a time when I will face that scene and I don’t want to crumble when it happens. I can’t be the first woman to fear seeing Will Yoker with another woman, and I guess I won’t be the last.

I sit in the corner, ducking my head down to hide my face away as I do. I probably look like I’m up to something, like I’m a criminal who’s trying to evade the law. Knowing my luck, I’ll get arrested and I’ll end up locked in a room with Will while he questions me about what I’m up to…

Oh, for goodness sake, this is ridiculous. I didn’t see Will before, I probably won’t see him again. I need to be calm about the whole situation. Just because he’s ‘busy’ doesn’t mean I can’t be out with my friend. I’ve already hidden away from the world enough for Will, I’ve been silly and sacrificed enough. No more. Not a chance.

“Right, here we are.” Michelle’s looking much too bright. She’s trying to cheer me up. “Okay?”

“Yeah, all good, thanks.” I idly stare out the window. “Thank you for dinner, this is nice.”