“I wanted to see my mother!” Tears fill her eyes and I do feel bad, but not enough to back down. “I’m sorry but you have no idea how lonely this life is. I don’t have work, I can’t go out, I don’t have any adult conversation most days. This isn’t easy for me at all and I made one mistake. That’s it. I just wanted to see my mom.”
“But now your mom knows, your auntie knows, your cousin knows…”
“Annabelle? Oh God, I did ask Auntie Mary not to say anything…”
“Well, according to Landon, she isn’t impressed, and I’m sure she won’t keep her gob shut either.”
“But Kingpin knows about me anyway. He’s always known so it hardly matters.”
“Hardly matters?” Fucking hell, this is ridiculous. “It’s you and my son, your lives are at stake.”
Cici snorts and shakes her head. I have a terrible feeling that if I allow this to carry on, she’ll walk out on me again and we’ll be back to square one. I don’t want this one fight to end up ruining us.
“Look, I really do have to go. I need to explore this lead further. We should both take some time apart and calm down then we can talk about this a bit more. Okay?” I shake my head. “I can’t argue about this.”
“You can’t argue… I see. Well, I guess we should just leave it then. Let it fester.”
Cici collapses down and turns her head away from me. She doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, and I don’t either. This isn’t going to get anywhere. I grab my clothes, yank them back on, and I walk purposely towards the door. I shoot one glass backwards and see the thick tears falling down her face before I turn and I walk out the door. It’s fine, we can get through this. It’ll be okay in the end. It has to be.
“Sorry,” I mutter under my breath, too quiet for Cici to hear me. “I know, I’m fucking useless.”
***
I sigh deeply, taking a moment to stare up at the dark night sky by the time I finally leave the office. I’ve done a lot, it’s been successful, now I just need to wait for the final lists of stakeholders to come in before I can take my next step, so I’m glad I came. Now, I’m going to have to face the consequences of my decision as I return back home to the argument that I allowed to fester earlier on. It’s really going to suck.
This is why being single is easier, I think, yearning back to when my life was much simpler. I don’t have anyone to answer to, I don’t have to worry about causing offence, I can just have a lot of fun.
With a deep breath, I make a snap decision and I head in the opposite direction to my apartment. I just can’t face it yet, I don’t want to deal with Cici’s sad face. I just want to take a moment to go back to a simpler time when I could get rid of my work stress by heading to a bar for booze and a stranger. I really didn’t have to talk about things then. I could even pretend to have a different job, if I wanted to. I smile to myself, remembering the fake names I gave, the false job titles, the lies I made up about my past. I’m sure a lot of the girls knew that I wasn’t being honest because they have an idea about who I am, but they went with it anyway.
I slam the door open to the Stag’s Head bar and my face lights up as I see the familiar bar maid there. “Hello, Rose.” She’s older, in her forties, and married to a very buff man, but a good laugh. She knows what I’m like and it amuses her. I haven’t seen her for a fair while, which I suppose is because I’ve been so busy. “How’s things?”
“Oh, my goodness. It’s Will Yoker.” She gasps in mock surprise. “I thought that you’d vanished off the face of the planet.” She grabs a glass and pours my usual. “Where on earth have you been?”
“Oh, well.” I sink into a bar stool and grip onto my forehead. “Work’s been crazy, you know?”
She slides the drink to me and gives me a sympathetic look. “I heard about your partner. I’m sorry about it.”
When anyone else brings Andre up I get this tense twisty feeling in my chest, but in Rose’s smooth voice it doesn’t feel quite as painful. I suppose it’s because she knows me, and she knows to be straight forward.
“Yeah, well.” I shrug and take a swig. “It sucks. He was a fucking good guy. One of the best.”
Rose nods slowly and grabs a shot glass. She pours a tequila into it and gives it to me. I suck it back without even asking and allow the burn to rage in my throat, reminding me that I’m still alive. Maybe I shouldn’t be, but I am. I’m here, and I have a fucking job to do. Why can’t Cici understand that?
“Hey there, handsome.” I jump as I feel a pair of hands resting on my shoulders. “Long time no see.”
I twist around to see a busty blonde standing in front of me. Judging by the very familiar smile on her face, she’s someone that I know. Potentially even someone that I’ve been with before. I scan through the rolodex of memories in my brain but she isn’t flashing up. But I can’t tell her that right now.
“Er, yeah, hi.” I force a fake smile onto my face. “Good to see you again.”
She flings her arms around me and pushes her boobs into my face. I wait for the familiar stirring in my pants which comes with a gorgeous chick around me, but it doesn’t come. I don’t know what I’d do with it anyway, but it’s weird to feel uncomfortable. I’m definitely not myself anymore. All of this has changed me.
“So, how have you been? Is work good?” She cocks her head and looks at me. “What is it you do again?”
I don’t know her name, never mind what I told her. The old me would’ve spun another lie, I’d have smoothed over the cracks and been back at hers in a moment. But this isn’t the old me. I don’t even want this conversation.
“Er, yeah.” I sink the rest of my drink, chuck a note on the table, and I give Rose a grateful look. “I have to get back to work actually. But, yeah, it’s good to see you again. I might see you soon.”
“Oh, don’t go.” She pouts out her bottom lip playfully, but I can see the deep lust in her eyes. What she wants is completely obvious. “We’re only just getting reacquainted. There’s still so much to… discuss.”