Fatal Attraction (Dark Desires 4)

It’s not even tempting, and that’s because of Cici. Even if I don’t feel ready to see her, knowing that she’s at home makes me feel much safer and happier. “No, I really must go. I will see you. Goodbye.”

She huffs out spitefully, which only confirms that I’m doing the right thing. It’s really time to leave.

What the fuck is going on here? I can’t go home, I don’t have any reason to be at work, and I can’t stay here either. I feel lost. I stuff my hands into my pockets and I walk aimlessly. My head spins as I go. I really need to be more of a man than this. I’ve created a mess at my apartment and I need to go back and sort it. I shouldn’t be skulking around in the dark, avoiding things like a teenager. Especially not with Kingpin around.

Maybe he’ll seize this opportunity and attack me. Maybe he’ll come for me now and finally reveal who he is. At least I still have my gun holstered by my side in case, because if he does I’m going to put an end to this, no questions asked. Once he’s gone, I can finally have a life again.

Chapter Twenty Three – Cici

“Hmmm, Jordan?” I murmur as hiss morning wails disturb me from my sleep. It wasn’t a great rest anyway, I’ve been waking up on and off throughout the night anyway, but that just makes this even less welcome. I slam my hand across the bed, half expecting to feel another warm body there, but nope. Will’s side of the bed is still cold and completely empty. He’s been out all night, doing God knows what, and I’m alone. “I’m just coming.”

I wearily push myself up off the bed, my entire body aching as I go. I want to just zone in on Jordan, to deal with his needs, but I can’t stop my heart from hammering with worry. If Will isn’t here, then where is he? Could he still be at work? Does he ever spend an entire night at the police station? Has he gone out to a bar and maybe picked up a woman, like he used to do all the time before me? Maybe the responsibility of a family has become too much. Or maybe something dangerous has happened. Perhaps Kingpin has finally made his move.

“Okay, Jordan,” I coo while lifting my baby up from his basket. “Come here, sweetheart.”

I ping my maternity bra down and I pull my baby to my breast to feed him. As he gets his morning feed, I stare towards the window wondering where he could be, out there in the world. I can call him. I will call him

when I get a chance, but it’ll probably be pointless. He rarely answers while he’s at work.

As tears stream down my face I know this isn’t normal. I’ve been crying way too much, being with Will is utterly destroying me. I never used to be this shell of a person. Sure, I wasn’t ever as loud and in your face as Annabelle, and maybe I wasn’t the strongest person in relationships which meant I allowed myself to get walked over more than I would ever want, but this is off the scale. I feel like I’m climbing a giant mountain and the top keeps vanishing from view. I know that me and Will could be very happy, I realize that there’s something incredibly powerful between us, but is it enough? I keep telling myself that we’ll be okay when all of this is over, but what if it doesn’t end? The police seem no closer to catching Kingpin which means it might last forever.

I want Will to leave the police force, or at the very least this case, but he won’t. He’s ignored all of my pleas. It’s almost as if he can’t hear my words, he doesn’t want to understand them. It’s so frustrating. I don’t want to control his life, I don’t want to tell him what to do, but it’s like I don’t even get a say.

Maybe if we’d met in a different way, maybe if our relationship had progressed in a more natural way, he’d listen to me. Things were sped up too much by the unexpected pregnancy. But that wasn’t my fault alone.

Once Jordan has finished feeding, I set about with our morning routine. I sort out his diaper, get him cleaned up, change his clothes, and get him settled down once more. He’s starting to focus his eyes quite a bit now and he seems to like the soothing sounds and colors of children’s television. I don’t want to become one of those mothers who uses the TV as a babysitter, but I just need a moment to myself now, so that’s what I do.

“Already, baby?” I ask him with a weak smile. “I’m just going to make some phone calls.”

Immediately, I grab my cell phone and I dial Will’s number. I don’t know what I’m expecting, but I didn’t think it would go straight through to voice mail. He’s usually brilliant about getting it charged.

“Erm, Will,” I say once the beep has rung out. “Can you please call me as soon as you get this? I’m… I’m worried. I would just like to know that you’re okay. I understand that you’re mad at me, but please call.”

I hang my head low and shake it slowly once I hit the end call button. This isn’t right, something’s going on here and I’m truly freaked out. I’ve been worried about Will ever since we’ve been together, but now I’m actually really concerned. I hate that we had a fight and now he’s vanished. He might be pissed off, but I don’t think it’s like him to just not let me know where he is. It’s weird, I don’t like it at all. What can I do about it?

I scan through the contacts in my phone, wondering if there’s anyone I can call. The closest person I have to Will in my list of names is Annabelle. She could contact Landon and find out that way for me, but there’s no way I’m going to involve her. I haven’t spoken to her since we shared that shitty phone call ages ago, and apparently, she knows about Jordan and she hasn’t bothered to call, so I’m done with her. She can go to hell.

I suppose the only thing I can do is head down to the police station to see if he’s there. Then, if he isn’t, I can get assistance from his colleagues. They’re much more equipped to deal with this than me. I don’t know if they know about me or not, but now isn’t the time to worry about blowing any covers. It hardly matters who knows now anyway, we both know that. And if Will’s life really is at stake then I need to do whatever I can to protect him. He’s the father of my child and, despite everything, the man I’m crazy in love with.

As it’s Saturday, I know one person who can help me today. I don’t really want to involve Jordan in this just in case it gets a bit nuts and the case needs my full attention. I could call my mom, but she doesn’t know who Jordan’s dad is yet, whereas Michelle does. I’m sure she won’t mind sacrificing a couple of hours.

“Hello?” she answers the call right away. “Cici, how are you? It’s been ages.”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry that I’ve been a bit shit.” I rub my forehead hard. “It’s been wild. Erm, I don’t want to be that person, but I’m calling you for a reason. Do you think I could ask you a favor?

“You want to move in here?” Immediately she suspects the worse. “Of course you can. I have that spare room.”

“No, no, not that. Not yet anyway.” I don’t want to rule out the possibility. Just in case. “Actually, I wanted to know if you could watch Jordan for an hour. I need to find out what’s going on.”

“What’s happened?” Michelle snaps alert. “Oh, Cici, you sound really stressed. Is Will being a dick?”

“I just… I don’t know where he is… I need to find him. I think he might be… struggling with work.”

“Oh, right.” I think this takes her aback a bit. “Sure, I can watch Jordan. I love that little man. I haven’t seen him much since he’s been born and I think he needs to get to know his crazy Auntie Michelle.”

I let out a relieved laugh. “Thank you so much, Michelle, you have no idea what this means to me.”

“I’ll just get dressed and then I’ll be there as soon as I can. You just hang tight. Love ya! Bye.”