“Yep,” I said. “But I don’t have time for that. I need to find him.”
“Ava, I’m sorry,” she pleaded.
“Not now, Mother,” I replied, shaking my hand. “Do you know where Dad is?”
“No,” she said with a sigh. “He left yesterday morning and hasn’t been back.”
“Great,” I said angrily.
“Ava, I’m sorry, really.” She stepped forward as if to touch my arm.
“Mom, I don’t have time for this. I told you that,” I said with irritation. “There are other things going on. We can talk about this later or something.”
I wasn’t even sure that my father knew that I knew about mom, but she was the least of my worries at that point. I couldn’t help fix the situation she had gotten herself into when I was knee-deep in my own pile of shit. I wasn’t going to tell her what happened. It would only make her feel like maybe she could get off the hook for sleeping with the pool boy. My mother did not deserve to be off the hook any more than I did. Everything was so completely messed up in my life, and I had let that trickle over to the point where it completely destroyed my father. He didn’t deserve any of this, not one bit of it. Not Tanner betraying him, not me lying to him for weeks, not my mother cheating on him, none of it. But there we were, two lying women standing in one room together.
“You can’t ignore me forever,” she said, a bit angry.
“Oh, Mother,” I said snidely. “Not everything is about you. Get over yours
elf.”
My mother has had this way of making me feel incredibly guilty anytime I didn’t react the way she wanted me to. She had done it my whole life, even when I was a small child. She never raised her hand to me physically, or even raised her voice to me in anger, but she would set a serious guilt trip on my shoulders and wait for me to buckle under the pressure. It became harder and harder to get to me as I got older, though, and after a while, she just let my father handle me, knowing she couldn’t get through to me even if she tried.
This time, though, I didn’t even want to start that conversation with her. She wanted me to forgive her for sleeping with that guy, but it wasn’t for our relationship. It was for her own damn conscience. She felt terrible about it, and knowing her, she would call her girlfriends and they would console her, telling her she wasn’t at fault. My mother was never at fault for anything in her life. That was why, when I found my father, I didn’t want to make any excuses. I wanted to take full responsibility for everything I had done to hurt him.
I stood there in the entryway, staring blankly at my mother. She dropped her arms and shook her head, realizing I wasn’t going to stand for any of her bullshit. As usual, she gave up, and walked away, not wanting to admit to anything or take responsibility for anything she’d done wrong. She wasn’t worried about comforting me. She was worried about comforting herself, sitting back and waiting for my father to come home. There was no proactive nature about my mother, and I blamed the lack of empathy for her inability to move forward in any tough situation. She had to be pushed, otherwise the issue would go by, unresolved, and later rear its ugly head again. This situation, though, didn’t bear repeating, considering she cheated on my father. I didn’t know if she would learn anything from it or not.
My mother was the least of my worries at that point, and I wasn’t going to spend another minute thinking about whether or not she was okay. I looked around the room thinking about my childhood, remembering how close my father and I were. My heart was aching, and it was my own damn fault. I had screwed up my relationship with my father, and I wasn’t even sure there would be anything I could do to fix it. At the very best, it would be completely changed for the rest of my life, something that was inevitable but I didn’t want to accept. I took a deep breath and turned toward the door, ready to leave and go figure out a way to find my father. My phone began to vibrate in my pocket, and I pulled it out, seeing my dad’s name on the screen.
“Dad,” I said frantically. “Where are you?”
“It doesn’t matter,” he growled. “How could you do this? What were you thinking? You weren’t, and that is the point. You lied to me about everything, and to make matters worse, you got involved with Tanner knowing he was not a good man.”
“I know,” I said trying to find the words. “I’m so sorry, Dad.”
“I am so sick and tired of being told people are sorry,” he yelled. “You and your mother are full of ‘I’m sorry’ and it makes me sick. Maybe, if you were that sorry, you should have thought about it beforehand. This is a betrayal I cannot look past. I don’t want to see you ever again. Do whatever you want with your life.”
“Dad,” I cried out as he hung up the phone.
I stood there with the phone to my ear, like he was going to magically be on the other end. Tears flooded my eyes, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. My father had disowned me, and all because I couldn’t make a smart decision from the beginning. My father was a proud man and stubborn as hell, and the thought of not having him in my life was absolutely terrifying. I looked up as my mother rounded the corner, a look of concern on her face. Before she could say a word, I turned and ran from the house, jumping in my car and speeding down the driveway.
Everything was swirling around me so fast, and I couldn’t catch my breath for even a second. When I reached the gate, I stopped the car and got out, grabbing my stomach and screaming loudly. The cold air whipped around me as tears streamed down my face. I was in complete agony, unable to even fathom what had just happened. I was alone, completely alone, and I didn’t know where to turn. I needed to go home and sit in the quiet. I didn’t want to talk to Brianna or Tanner. They would only fan the flames and tell me lies about how everything was going to be okay. I didn’t need coddling. I needed to get my life back together.
Chapter 21: Tanner
It had been a couple of days since everything had happened with Dean, and I still hadn’t been able to talk to Ava for more than a few seconds. I hadn’t spoken to Dean either, but I had a very firm reminder of why every time I looked in the mirror at the giant bruise on my face. I had deserved that and more, seeing as how I had lied to his face, helped his daughter lie, and then started sleeping with her. Everything was a giant mess, and I wished I could take a vacation away from all of it. Still, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get Ava off my mind. Not only did I feel helpless in making everything right for her, I missed her terribly. I missed her at my house, in the office, and I missed her sweet caring smile that made my day go a hell of a lot smoother than it normally did. She had made an impact on me that was insane considering I usually didn’t let women get that close to me.
I could have demanded that she come to work, especially with the merger going full steam ahead, but I knew she didn’t need to be there on Monday. Still, it was Tuesday, and I had yet to see her, which was a bit concerning after everything that had happened. The last thing I wanted was to lose her with the company as well as my personal life. In all reality, she was an asset to every part of my world, including the company and that merger. As I walked to the front of the office I saw the doors to the elevator closing, and I ran forward, sticking my arm between the doors. As they slid back open, Ava was standing there by herself, her face pale and tired. I stood there staring at her, unsure of what even to say. There was so much to talk about, but at the same time, nothing really that would make anything better.
I stepped inside the elevator and held the button that kept the doors from closing shut. I wanted to offer something, anything, even if it was just my comfort. I knew she was being standoffish toward me, but that didn’t mean she didn’t still enjoy the fact that I could comfort her at any moment. I wanted to take her in my arms and promise her everything would be okay, but I knew that would just be another lie. The truth of the matter was, I didn’t know if anything would be okay in her life any time soon. She had so much on her plate that I knew her head had to be spinning.
Her father had found everything out about us, her mother was cheating on her father, and whatever glimmer of hope we had on Friday for a normal life and an actual relationship flew out of the door before we even had time to revel in it. If I had known that things would turn out that way, even though Friday was the best time I had ever had with a woman, I would have called it all off and kept my feelings to myself. I would have done anything to protect Ava from the fallout that we really didn’t see coming.
Ava looked completely shocked as I stood there in the elevator, staring over at her. She took in a deep breath and looked at me, a mixture of sadness and defiance in her eyes. I could tell she was trying really hard to be strong, but inside, she just wanted to break down in tears. I should have given her more time off than just Monday. She was going through some really serious stuff, and I was half of the reason, if not more, that everything was going on the way it was.
“Are you okay?”
“No,” she sighed. “Everything is a mess.”