I had not only lost the man I loved, but I also just quit the job that I wanted since I was in my undergraduate program. I had somehow completely destroyed everything in my life, except for my relationship with my father. Don’t get me wrong, that was extremely important to me, but so was the rest of my life. I sighed as the elevator opened up, and I walked out, making my way to the curb and grabbing a cab. I needed to see Brianna, so that was where I headed.
When I got there, she was surprised to see me, but she was even more surprised at the fact that my face was puffy, and my eyes were red. She moved to the side and let me in, looking confused when I shuffled by. She closed the door and walked over to me, sitting down beside me and taking my hands. I shook my head and laughed through a sob, realizing how crazy I was sounding.
“My father came by yesterday, and Tanner was in the apartment,” I said starting my explanation. “He hid in my room while my father and I talked. When my dad asked if I was seeing Tanner anymore, I panicked and said no. He heard it.”
“Uh oh,” Brianna said.
“Wait, it gets worse,” I said drying my tears. “I went to work to try to talk to him, and he let me have it. He told me how hurtful I was, and then I quit, saying I would be back the next day to get my things.”
“Ava,” Brianna said, rolling her eyes. “Why do you insist on constantly torturing yourself?”
“I don’t know,” I sighed. “I have an internal block on my happy.”
“Well, you need to tell Tanner how you feel,” she said, shaking her head and walking over to her kitchen.
“What?” I didn’t want to admit my feelings. “I don’t feel any way toward him.”
Brianna grabbed two glasses and poured a bit of whiskey in each, walking over and handing me one. I leaned back and took a sip, sighing as the warmth hit my chest. Instantly, I began to calm down a bit, and I knew that Brianna wasn’t buying it at all. Why was it so hard for me to admit my feelings for Tanner? It wasn’t like Brianna gave a shit either way. She just wanted me to be happy.
“You know what I think?”
“What?” Here it comes.
“I think you are full of shit,” she said. “You show up at my door with obvious signs that you have been crying. You quit a job you had been working toward for years, and your story revolved around Tanner and how much you hurt him. I think you love him.”
“That’s ridiculous,” I snapped. “I’ve been seeing him for like two weeks, and he is the biggest playboy ever.”
“Well, from the sound of it, you have gotten to that playboy,” she smiled. “And you got to yourself as well. Ava there is nothing wrong with loving someone, with being happy with more than just work, but what is not okay is lying to yourself about it and ruining everything in your life to keep that lie.”
“It’s good, then, that you’re wrong, and I don’t love him.” I crossed my arms.
“You are absolutely impossible.” She sighed. “Seriously, you are so hell-bent on proving yourself that you’re hurting yourself. But hey, it’s not my love life, so I’ll leave you alone on it.”
“Thank you,” I said relaxing a bit.
“Come on,” she said, standing up and sticking out her hand. “We are going to get all dolled up and go out to Exclusives, the new club in Manhattan. Me and a guest are on the list.”
I did not feel like going to a club at all, but Brianna was all I had left, and I wasn’t about to fight her on this. I stuck out my hand and let her help me up, following her back to the bedroom. I sat down on the bed as she started pulling clothes from the closet, tossing me a tight, short, red dress. She disappeared into the other room, eyeing the dress. She wanted me to put it on, so I gave her a fake smile and stood up, undressing and sliding the dress over my head. I looked in the mirror and was impressed at how perfectly it hugged my curves. Unfortunately, when my eyes met my face, I cringed. I was puffy and red, something that did not go with the outfit.
“Okay,” she said, coming out in a black version of the dress. “Let’s see you. You look great!”
“Just one problem,” I said.
“What?”
“This face,” I said pointing at it. “I am scary and swollen.”
“Girl, don’t you know me by now? I got this.” She grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me into the bathroom.
By the time she was done curling, scrunching, and teasing my hair, and applying some seriously heavy makeup, I actually looked like a sexy twenty-something once again. I stared at myself in the mirror, shocked at the magic she performed. Now if only I felt as good on the inside as I did on the outside, I would actually feel like I was getting my life back. After that, we slipped on our heels and headed out, reaching the club relatively quickly.
When we walked in, the lights were flashing and the music was bumping and Brianna didn’t waste any time getting us a couple of shots and two strong drinks. I needed something strong that night since I couldn’t seem to get Tanner off my mind, and I was terrified I was going to start crying again. Nobody wanted to be the crying girl at the club, and there was always bound to be one of them. Instead, I started to drink copious amount of alcohol and get wasted. The music was sounding better and better every time I took a shot, and eventually, I found myself on the dance floor dancing by myself under the flashing strobe lights. I let go, allowing the alcohol to take over, forgetting everything shitty in my life and refusing to allow myself to think about Tanner.
Whatever happened between us was obviously over, and I had a huge play in its demise. There was nothing I could do about it, so instead of whining and crying, I was going to enjoy my night. Brianna was chatting up some hot guy in the corner as I danced around the dancefloor, feeling free to do whatever I wanted. I hadn’t been out to the club but a handful of times, but I definitely felt like I could get used to it. I wasn’t interested in the men at that moment, but I recognized that when I was, this was definitely the place to start of a conversation with one. No one that went to clubs were looking for happily ever after, they were looking for a one-night stand. Right now, I was just looking to dance away into oblivion with my Jack Daniels and my six-inch-heels. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, feeling the room spinning around me.
“Hey, there,” a deep voice said as I opened my eyes.
He was handsome as hell with jet black hair, dimples, and the perfect smile. He had walked up to me on the dancefloor and his eyes roamed my body. While normally I would be interested, his mere presence did nothing but make me think about Tanner, something I did not want to do at all. I took in a deep breath and tried to push past the feeling, smiling back at him.