I squinted at him and cocked my head to a side. “Have you?”
Chad raised his eyebrows and chuckled. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Big business man such as yourself, surrounded by so many celebrities?” I teased. “I wouldn’t have thought that I had even crossed your mind after so many years.”
It was a bold thing to say, and maybe a bit rude, but what the hell. For some reason, I felt bold. I didn’t know if it was the wine, or me trying to prove something to Chad. Or to myself. It was like a silent statement that, like him, I had changed. I wasn’t the same mild-mannered girl he once knew. At least not tonight. I could let the insecurities plague me later.
“Celebrities are highly overrated,” Chad said, rolling his eyes. “They wouldn’t vouch for me unless they got something in return.”
“A few private sessions with Chad Walters?” I teased.
“More like a few free sessions with Chad Walters,” he said with a sigh that told me he wasn’t kidding. “It is a fucking dog eat dog world in L.A. Only the big dogs win. And most businesses, especially ones like mine, are built on what I can do for them first, then maybe they’ll do something for me later. I had to do a lot of favors. And not all of them were returned.”
There was something in the way he said it, an underlying tone, that had me guessing that there was more to the story than he was letting on. But I was fine letting it go for now. I was seeing a new side to Chad. I didn’t want to screw that up. At least not yet.
“Well, I’d be lying if I said I had never thought about you, too,” I said, meeting his eyes. “The guy I once knew.”
His smiled faded into the fog of bad memories between us. He set down his glass and stared into it. “You mean the guy you left behind?”
I hesitated, already feeling the rush of emotions racing through me, and the stammering that was bound to happen once we got into this. How could I have been so stupid? Of course, he was going to confront me about leaving him behind. Dumping him. Running away. I had hurt him, after all. Maybe this was payback. Luring me to this restaurant, getting me all comfortable with expensive wine, making my blood boil with his fucking eyes and luscious lips.
Chad Walters, back in control, lashing out one last time at the one girl who could resist his charms. The one girl who pushed him away.
I took another sip of my wine and met his gaze. “I didn’t leave you behind.”
“You left.”
“After we broke up,” I said. “And don’t pretend that it was all me. It takes two to kill a relationship, you know.”
He didn’t reply right away, just stared at me. I guess my reply had startled him as much as it had startled me.
“I never really got over you, you know,” Chad said quietly.
“Is this what tonight’s about, Chad?” I asked, putting my glass down and dabbing my lips with a napkin. “Laying a guilt trip on me? Paying me back for whatever wrong you feel I’ve done to you by humiliating me publicly?”
“No, not at all,” he said quickly, sincerely. He reached across the table to put his hand on mine, and for a minute my entire body froze. “I’m just really glad we bumped into each other again. Really.”
I had no idea what was going on, or who the man sitting opposite me was. This wasn’t Chad Walters, at least not the one I knew. Sure, the ego was still there. It radiated from him. And that little mischief in his eyes was all but apparent. But something had changed. Something vital to who he was, or who I believed he was. And that threw me off my guard. What little control I had was starting to waver, thanks to heat between my legs and the fog rolling in over my brain.
“I’m not gonna fuck you for old time sake, Chad,” I said, and even before the words were out of my mouth, I felt a shudder of excitement race through my body. Even his eyes went wide, and there was a small part of me, the one not shocked at what I had just said, that was thrilled to see the look of surprise on his face.
His smile faded into a frown. He blinked at me. “What are you saying?”
I opened my mouth, closed it, then sighed.
Oh, what the hell?
I had nothing to lose.
“If this is just payback or some weird plan to fuck me,” I said, leaning in, lowering my voice to a growl. “Then don’t get your hopes up. I’m not going to sleep with you because I feel bad about breaking up with you. I don’t. I never have.”
It was a lie, but he didn’t have to know that.
Chad began to laugh and let go of my hand. “Wow, you really have changed, Zoe,” he said. “Don’t worry. This is just me taking an old friend out for dinner. Catching up. That sort of thing. What’s in the past is in the past. No agenda. You have my word.”
For some reason, I didn’t really believe a word he said, and a voice in my head chastised me for being so blunt. You were just masturbating to the thought of him in the shower. I returned his smile and shook my head. Sure, he was doing things to me that I wish I could have controlled, but it was my choice just how much of it became a reality. I wasn’t going to let another man into my life just to have him walk all over me again. I had that with Chad once, and Mark, and I was sick of it.
Thankfully, the waiter came with the food, giving us a welcome break in the tense conversation. As the food was set out, Chad and I sat back and stared at each other, as if we were trying to read each other’s minds.