“I know, but I feel like I need it,” I said. “Professor Albert gave us fifty pages of reading before Wednesday, can you believe that? This is harder than I thought it would be,” I added. “Part of me wonders if I’m cut out for library school.”
“You are,” Rebecca said. “Although I’ve had the same thought.”
Suddenly, the bathroom door in the hallway swung open. Alex strode out, his chest puffed in the air. When I saw him, I gasped. My cheeks went flaming red and I bit my lip, blushing furiously.
“Well, well, well, Molly’s home!” Alex said in a mocking tone. He walked closer and pouted. “And she doesn’t think she’s cut out for library school, what a shame!”
“Shut up, idiot,” Rebecca said, throwing the words like daggers across the room. To me, she gave me an apologetic look and shrugged. “I had no idea he was coming over, he said he had something to tell me about Mom.”
All I could do was nod. My brief, newfound happiness sailed out the window as I watched Alex pick his way around the kitchen like a cat. He opened the pantry and searched through, humming under his breath as he flipped through our boxes of healthy cereal and granola and snacks.
“You’re so healthy,” Alex said in amazement. “The guys at the fire station would shit themselves if I showed up with this shit!”
“I like to watch what I eat,” I said modestly, looking down at my hands in my lap. They were sweater than ever and I wiped them on my damp skirt.
Alex looked at me for a long time. He let his blue eyes travel the length of my pudgy face, neck, breasts, and the rest of my body.
“What?” I asked. I could feel the blood rising back to my cheeks.
“Oh, nothing,” Alex said. “You just seem like a girl who doesn’t like to diet, that’s all.”
I was too stunned to respond.
“Shut up, Alex!” Rebecca said. She put her hands on her hips. “If you’re going to keep acting like such a jerk, go home!”
“Oh, sis,” Alex said, pouting. “I haven’t even told you why I’m here!”
“I don’t give a fuck if you can’t be here without being rude,” Rebecca said, sassing him back and glaring. I had to admit, I was happy my best friend was standing up for me. But I deserved to be made fun of – I was a huge whale. There was no way a guy like Alex would ever be interested in me.
I should just be happy that Dan said yes , I thought, trying to bring back the fun and excitement of my upcoming date. It doesn’t matter what Alex thinks – he’s a jerk!
“Sorry, Molly,” Alex said. He sniffed. “You’re a big, beautiful woman.”
Even though I knew he probably didn’t mean it, I blushed anyway.
Alex stepped closer and I caught a whiff of his woodsy, spicy cologne.
"Besides,” Alex said in a snide voice. “You must be doing something right! Unless I heard wrong, I think there was something about a date…”
“Shut up,” Rebecca said. “Alex, leave her alone!”
“Do you have plans with someone, Molly?” Alex asked, fluttering his lashes like a girl. I had to admit, he had better eyelashes than any girls I’d ever seen. “A date, with a boy from school?”
“He’s not a boy,” Rebecca thundered angrily. “He’s a man, and he wants to date Molly!”
“Wow, sis, you really need to dial back the lesbo stuff,” Alex said, snickering. “I can practically smell the fish sauce coming out of your panties from here!”
“That’s it!” Rebecca yelled. She grabbed Alex by the arm and dragged him out of the kitchen. Alex didn’t even resist, although I knew he could’ve thrown off his sister’s grip in a second.
“Bye, lovely Molly!” Alex called gaily over his shoulder, shouting to be heard over Rebecca’s angry cries.
I flushed hotly. A mix of anger and something new – something strange and warm and slippery – was building inside of my chest. What was it? Why could Alex always provoke me like that, like I was nothing to him?
It’s because I am nothing to him , I realized sadly. Tears welled up in my eyes and by the time Rebecca had slammed the door and thrown Alex out of our apartment with a loud curse, I was sobbing with my face buried in my hands.
“Oh, no,” Rebecca said. She sank into a chair and put her hand on my shoulder. “Mol, I’m so sorry – look, in the future, this place is an Alex-free zone, okay?”
“It’s not that,” I said, sniffling loudly as I sucked my liquid snot back inside my nose. “It’s just…he’s right, Rebecca. I’m fat, and any guy who would want to date me is obviously some kind of freak!”