It’s not her fault – she has no idea how you feel about Alex , I thought to myself as I rolled my legs off my bed and climbed shakily to my feet. And if she did…god, I can’t even begin to imagine how angry she’d be!
Swallowing nervously, I walked over to my mirror, expecting to see a completely different Molly. I felt like a completely different girl – a sensual girl, a sexy girl that men want to grab and squeeze and kiss and fuck.
But I looked exactly the same. My drab brown hair fell to my back in loose ringlets, and my pudgy face looked even chubbier since I was so pale.
I really should try to lose some weight, or get a tan or something , I thought as I cocked my head to the side and scrutinized myself. If Alex is going to pursue me, won’t he want me to look better?
Then a strange thought came into my head. What if he didn’t want me to lose weight, or anything like that? What if he just liked me because of…well, me?
I shook my head. No – there was no way that was true. Alex wasn’t that kind of guy. In all the years I’d known him, I’d never seen him with a girl bigger than a size two.
So, what was it, then?
I could practically feel Rebecca’s irritation streaming in from the kitchen, so reluctantly I walked out into the hall.
“Hey,” I said.
Rebecca narrowed her eyes. “What was all that about?”
I shrugged. “Sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to bother you. I guess I’m just not feeling very well.”
Rebecca nodded heartily. “Yeah, tell me about it,” she said. “When my brother showed up, I thought I was going to be sick! And did you see his weird best friend, Rob?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I didn’t come out of my room, remember?”
“Oh, yeah.” Rebecca sat down and frowned. “Hey, I was thinking – we should go out somewhere. Dress up a little, maybe just have a couple of drinks.”
I laughed. “Are you trying to set me up with someone?”
“No,” Rebecca said. She shook her head. “I just thought it might be fun. We never go out, Molly.”
“There’s a reason for that,” I said. “I hate bars – they’re full of loud, obnoxious guys cheering on some stupid sports team that they care about because they’re dumb savages.”
Rebecca laughed. “What if we find someplace quiet? Like, a wine bar? Wouldn’t that be fun?”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, because pretentious hipsters with berets and glasses of fifteen-dollar house wine are totally our thing.”
“Molly, give it a chance,” Rebecca said. “Look…” She bit her lip, looking away. “I know you’re lonely, okay? I am, too. But we’re never going to meet anyone if we don’t go out. I’m not saying that we go poach husbands, or anything. But it might be nice to make a new friend or two.”
I shrugged. “I’m not lonely,” I lied. I’m just horny and desperate and I want to have sex with your brother more than anything else in this world .
“Well, no harm done then if we don’t meet anyone,” Rebecca chirped. “Come on, up with you.”
I sighed and got to my feet, breathing heavily from the small effort.
“Okay,” I said, holding up my finger. “One drink, and that’s it. You got it?”
“Two?” Rebecca smiled, looking at me over the tops of her glasses. “Come on, Molly. It’s not much. My treat.”
“Okay,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Let me go get ready.”
It was a relief to be back in the privacy of my own bedroom, away from Rebecca’s relentless optimism and chirping. I loved her – I really did – but I was starting to wonder if maybe I wouldn’t be happier living in my own place.
That’s ridiculous , I thought. I’ve lived with Rebecca since I was seventeen! I can’t move out just because I keep fantasizing about Alex!
But even though I knew it was dumb, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about it. Maybe I’d get a little studio, someplace small, that wouldn’t be too hard to clean. Maybe I could even get a pet. I’d always wanted a cat – childishly, I was afraid of large dogs – and then I’d have my own space.
And then reality sank in. I wouldn’t be Sexy Molly, out on the town, always fending off suitors. I’d be Lonely Molly, curled up with a cat in an apartment that reeked of cat piss and dirt. I’d be Repulsive Molly, sitting in front of the television with a giant bag of potato chips, weeping at old I Love Lucy reruns.