Rebecca laughed, then covered her mouth with both hands and gave me a guilty look. “Molly, no, not like that at all,” she said. “You could kiss, I mean, you could do whatever you want. You’re not in a relationship, so it’s not like you have any claim to the person you’re sleeping with.”
I frowned. “I don’t know, Rebecca. I…I want a boyfriend. I don’t just want sex.”
Rebecca shrugged. “Maybe it was a dumb suggestion,” she said. She made a face, wrinkling her forehead and frowning deeply.
“No, it’s not that,” I said. “I just…I don’t know. I think I’m too traditional.”
Rebecca swallowed, looking deeply uncomfortable.
“What?”
“Nothing.” Rebecca shook her head. “Forget it.”
“No, you have to tell me,” I said. “Come on, I tell you everything.” Well, almost everything , I added silently.
“Well, it’s just…” Rebecca trailed off. Her voice was full of nerves.
“What?” My palms were sweating and I wiped them on my thighs. “Rebecca, come on!”
Rebecca looked deeply uncomfortable. “It’s just that my brother, well, he sleeps with everything,” she said. “And maybe…I don’t know, he could teach you a few things.”
My jaw dropped. “What?”
“I know, I know, he’s a disgusting individual and an awful person…but he has no problem just sleeping with someone and leaving it at that,” Rebecca said. “God, I feel like a bad friend just for bringing it up.”
“Well…I’m just surprised,” I said, frowning. “I mean, you hate him!”
“I do,” Rebecca said. “But I also know that you’re lonely, and I know that you don’t want to be a virgin anymore.” I glared at her and she blushed before continuing: “Look, I’m sorry. I am, Molly. But…I don’t know, maybe don’t you think it wouldn’t be better for you to have some experience? Then you’ll probably be more confident, and guys would be way more attracted to you.”
“Guys aren’t attracted to me because I’m not confident,” I said hotly. “They’re not attracted to me because I’m fat!”
“That’s bull and you know it,” Rebecca said, narrowing her eyes. “I can think of at least five people bigger than you who are in happy relationships! Look, if Amy Schumer has a boyfriend, why not you?”
I frowned. “I don’t know,” I said. “It all seems kind of slutty, don’t you think?”
“Don’t be outdated,” Rebecca said. She wrinkled her nose. “I had no idea you were such a prude!”
“I’m not,” I said, offended. “I just don’t know if it’s for me. And god, you can’t say anything about this to Alex!”
“I would never,” Rebecca said. She mimed drawing a zipper across her lips. “I swear.”
I nodde
d. “Well, that’s good at least,” I said glumly. The beer had temporarily uplifted my spirits but now I just felt worse than ever – bloated and confused and weird.
“And please don’t be mad at me,” Rebecca said. “I swear, Molly, I’d never say anything like that…I just, I don’t know. I guess I thought you had a crush on him.”
My eyebrows flew up. How could she know? I was always so careful!”
“I know, I know, it’s silly and I was projecting,” Rebecca continued. “Still friends?”
I nodded, feeling disarmed. My heart was pounding like a drum but I took a deep breath and tried to move past the alarming sensation.
“Of course,” I said. “Always friends.”
Chapter Seven
Alex